(no subject)
I'm so tired, and my mind is floaty. I'm not going to my seminar tomorrow, because I can't deal with Renaissance texts which will really have no impact on my life whatsoever. I'm sitting in my bed listening to Regina, and all I can think about is how much of a waste of time University is for me right now. I have 4 hours a week, and am only in Monday and Friday. Therefore, I have no structure. I have no plays to occupy me, Crucible auditions are next week so I will have to miss them unless one is on Friday, as I am visiting Jess in Bristol. I also no longer have a boy to occupy me. And there is a fair amount of self-hatred looming over me, and I don't know how long I can ignore it for. If it wasn't for my Jess visit I really would have no reason not to hurt myself, so I'm both thankful and resentful that it's a barrier.
I just cannot believe that I let myself think that I could EVER be worth someone's time. It's like I haven't learnt anything over the past few years, it really fucking is.
I just cannot believe that I let myself think that I could EVER be worth someone's time. It's like I haven't learnt anything over the past few years, it really fucking is.