Angry is as Angry Does
I am so tired of guys. I’m tired of the male mentality. I’m tired of “hey baby, you’re so sexy. Don’t worry, I’m not like those other guys, I’ll treat you right”. Firstly, I’m not your baby. I’m not your babygirl, your babydoll, your baby-anything. I don’t need you to make me happy or take care of me. I’ve been taking care of my own neurotic, nerdy self for the last twenty-eight years, meeting you does not suddenly mean that I can no longer do simple things like fix myself lunch or tie my own shoes. I don’t need you to “get that for me”, nor do I need you to tell me how to do something. I might not have common-sense all the time, and sometimes I might not think before I speak, but that does not mean that I’m a moron or an idiot who needs you to do all my thinking for me. I do not want to be “death-glared” and given a short, curt explanation on my way to the fucking bathroom, because you’re doing something and you need a bit more time to do it. I don’t deserve to be talked to as though I’m some dumb bitch, whose maturity or mental capacity is that of a six year old. I’m almost fucking thirty; you can talk to me like I’m almost fucking thirty.
Almost everyone I know has known me since I was nineteen. It’s always been “aww, Sam… You’re so cute”, or “Sam, you’re so goofy” or “Sam, turn it down a few thousand decimals” or “C’mon now Sam, don’t be lame” and it’s all in the condescending tone of a parent talking to a child. It was cute when I was nineteen guys, it’s not cute anymore. It’s obnoxious and it makes me angry. I know that sometimes I don’t think about things before I say them, but if you give me a few moments, usually I correct myself and fix it. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just let it go.
Secondly: I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I’m not ready for a relationship, because I’m still in love with and wrapped up in my ex. I love my ex. I still love my ex. I have dreams almost every night about my ex, which drives me crazy, because it’s not allowing me to get over my ex, who’s already gotten over me. I’ve never been so in love and so passionate about someone, even when I’m angry about or with that someone. I’m not ready to have a relationship yet. I’ll let you know when I am.
I thought when I got home that I was ready to have a relationship, so I joined a dating site, which has done nothing but make me extraordinarily angry at the opposite sex. It’s also made me ask “are people out there really this douche-y?” I don’t know how many men (because it’s just men that have done this one) have sent me messages that start out with “hey sexy” or “hey gorgeous” or “hey beautiful”, as though I don’t have any other feature except my looks. I have a whole profile dedicated to how awesome my personality is or how amazing my hobbies and interests are, or how nice I am, and all you can say is “hey sexy”? Not, “wow, you sound like a really interesting person, let’s have coffee or something”, but “hey sexy, you look hot, let’s text”. Are all guys just interested in the outside package? You know that I’m not immortal right? I’m not an elf or a faerie or anything like that? I’m eventually going to get old, I’m eventually going to lose my looks, my boobs are going to sag to my ass and my ass is going to sag to my knees, right? If you don’t, then you’re fucking stupid and nothing but a shallow asswagon.
I also hate the phrase, “so… when we get home, what are you gonna do to me?” or “when you get me alone, what are your plans?” Um, throw your punk-ass out of my apartment and try to get some sleep? I’m still TEXTING you asshole, I’m don’t even want to TALK about sex, let alone tell you what I’m going to DO TO YOU so that you can get a quick wank off. I don’t want to “sext”, I don’t want to have phone sex, I don’t want to photocopy my boobs for you, I don’t want to take my top off and show you my tits, I don’t want to take a duck-face-fucking-picture of my shirtless torso, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE, OR THE FUCKING TENTH DATE. I don’t want someone to constantly break dates with me, because they have the “sick” or the “can’t think of a good excuse”. Also, if YOU ask me out, YOU’RE fucking paying for the date. I’m not. If I ask YOU out, YOU STILL should pay for the fucking date. But, if I ask you out, I expect you to pay for the date LESS than if you ask me out.
If you’re going to objectify me, then why can’t I objectify you? If I’m not a person, then you don’t get to be one either. You’re an ass and a cock and that’s it. You’re just a baby-maker, I only need you for your sperm to give me a child, and then you can be on your merry little way. “Open this jar, fix my car, kill that spider and then get the fuck out of my apartment”. If you don’t like the sound of that, then what makes you think I like the sound of “hey sexy” or “nice ass and tits”. Isn’t there anyone anywhere that is interested in liking me for… I dunno, me?
So, all things considered, I’m also not sure that I just don’t like girls. I like to be wanted, I like to be needed and I like to be in charge. I am the dominant personality. I can be submissive, but I don’t really like to be, it’s awkward and weird. I mean, I’d prefer to be the “man” in the relationship. I don’t want to be crushed and coddled to your person; I don’t want to be “rolled up” in a ball or pushed around. I’m not comfortable in that position. I’m a type A personality, I don’t need to be in a relationship with another type A personality. I want someone smaller than me, someone who needs me, someone who will cling and cuddle with me and to me, I want to be the dominant partner, not the submissive one.
Why do I keep attracting dominant partners? It’s driving me crazy, and why is it so hard to find a new girlfriend in this city? I can’t be the only bisexual person in this whole place? Seriously.
Rant done.