Fighting against the waves {An Elena Gilbert Manifesto}
Title: Fighting against the waves {An Elena Gilbert Manifesto}
Author: elenatargaryen
Character: Elena Gilbert
A/N: A manifesto from a devoted fan to other devoted fans, may there be support for Elena Gilbert wherever she goes.
I'm not really sure how this got to be so long winded but it did and it is... I didn't really edit it (oops, whatever) and I just got really emotional at the end but I had to finish it, I had to finally write down everything I feel about Elena once and for all because she deserves it. There is a serious lack of Elena stuff these days.
In a world where strength is often only valued when it’s only displayed outwardly and obvious displays of emotion are mistaken for complexity and depth, you have Elena Gilbert. She’s this multifold of color and every angle you look at her she’s different, a fountain of personalities but very silently, like smiles she grants herself when she thinks no one’s looking.
I would like to point out that from day one of this show and this book all of Elena's conflict has been internal or strongly and can strictly in the subtext of the show. Her character hasn't had an outwardly visible struggle with what the absence of humanity veritably means; for that I think she has been mistaken for being shallow, useless, and finally un-relatable. That depresses me because from my point of view, she's the furthest from un-relatable as it comes. While her struggle is internal and can be mistaken for being remote, she remains a mystery to even those who spend years attempting to decipher the code that is Elena Gilbert. I've had a certain devotion to Elena since I was a small child and I still can't pinpoint exactly why she initially drew me in but I'm positive it had something to do with Damon and Elena's first meeting. It gripped me, drew me in and all but suffocated me (dramatic but it's true, it was intense and I was only a small child). Anyway, this is about Elena Gilbert not my childhood so moving on. Her war is not outward, but inward; it is not a physical war, but a spiritual one and it is not against unthinkable evil, but against her person. When she looks in the mirror we don't know what she's thinking, we project opinions onto her based on her actions but as far as the world actually knows she could be thinking the exact opposite of that.
I know that show and book Elena are two very different characters and I know that they both have a fire of their own, but just bear with me. Book Elena was my first love, she pried me from the clutches of catholic school and the women-must-make-other-people-feel-better indoctrination. She was there at the hardest part of my life, as a kid I would always wonder 'what would Elena do' before making a tough or any kind of decision at all. Elena was the one who held all the answers and she was like this unspoken religion of mine, I never told anyone about her, she was all mine. But now that I'm older, I can look back at that point in my life and nod to her because she was just that powerful to me. She knew what she wanted and she'd do what she had to get it, she had this relentless way of demanding things and she was often seen as a drama queen or a 'bitch' but that could be further from my six-year-old-mind's thought process. She was glorious demanding respect wherever she went but when the curtains closed and the show was over she was always there for her friends and those close to her. I thought that I could one day be like the Elena Gilbert I knew and loved, the Elena Gilbert I grew so fond of as a small child and idolized to practically a fault, but I didn’t and in a way I’m glad but I still mourn for my six year old self. I has just turned 15 when the first vampire diaries episode aired and to be quite honest I was astonished, I expected a blonde, snarky Elena who was very self aware and assured in her popularity but instead I got this strange mixture of Elena and something else. I still got the girl with the smile that tells you how she really doesn’t want anything to do with Caroline’s love life or Damon’s flirty-eye-thing (or does she?), but I also got a girl who was a lot more broken than what I would’ve ever expected and I love it.
Her strength, much like her conflict, is internal and rarely displayed in a classic TVD manner but I wouldn't have it any other way. I would never exchange Elena's subtle yet blazing wrath for anything nor would I ever complain about her stubborn behavior. I get a lot of people asking me “Why’s Elena Gilbert your favorite character?” The only response to that is simple, “Because no one knows what she’s capable of.” One of the most interesting things about Elena is how deeply she truly doesn’t understand her significance; most people don’t, but Elena’s really the first in line there. I’m sure you’ve seen them, the tumblr posts about how Elena does nothing, Elena is the worthless one and that Elena doesn’t actually have a purpose aside from being the Salvatore’s tug toy. Everyone has, but to the point, her presence isn’t always physical, it’s cerebral. Strength is what you need at a certain point in your life to make it through to the next point and to the next and so forth; Elena is that. Elena is the one who picks up the pieces when they fall, she is the one who everyone else looks to for strength and she knows it. She is the one who silently cries and wishes that the ground would open up beneath her and swallow her whole; the one who people mistake for strong when what they see is resilience, which is a form of strength, however it’s her way of survival. And that is what I love most about her, she lets them all believe that she’s strong while she silently wishes for things that she shouldn’t, but she remains because she’s their hope and they need her because without her, they have nothing.
Her cross is hers to bear; she lets everyone know that yet they still try to help her, save her despite her clear resistance to their aid. The response to this is typically apathetic. “Poor her.” “I know.” “It’s sad.” “Word.” “Yeah.” “Oh well.”
While I don’t agree with her decisions that involve life or death situations, I see why she’s furious and why she resents herself for being in this same situation over and over again - being manipulated and guilted into holding on and not letting go even though letting go could be easier and undemanding of her. I think every time she takes a knife to herself to aid their cause, whatever it may be, she hopes that she does herself in that time. She hopes that that time will be the last time and that she’ll never have to do it again, ever. She holds on, though, because she’s expected to and the tragic reality is that she isn't what everyone thinks she is, isn't that ironic? The girl who can see the depth in a monster is really just a misunderstood girl who’s friends don't even understand her. I won't blame it all on them, though. Elena is reserved in almost every situation, even when she shouldn't be. She can't open up to people because she fears losing them and being left again with emotion, any kind. Yet she is so overcome with devotion for those she loves that she would actually rip her own throat out and that astounds me.
I know I said we don’t know what she’s thinking when she looks in the mirror but we can surmise that she’s fairly broken inside; at least I can. I not arrogant enough to say that I fully and completely understand Elena, no one does and that would be conceited, no one can discern what Elena means as a character; no one understands her composition. Hell, even Elena doesn’t know what she means.
I love how unaware she is of her impact on other people. I love how it took three seasons for her to come to terms with her feelings for Damon. I love her inability to ever walk away from someone even if it destroys her. I love her ability to not change people, but see pieces of them that no one else does. I love how she doesn’t think twice before rushing to someone, anyone’s aid. I love how conflicted she is when if comes to humans, vampires, witches, and werewolves alike. I love how she stays alive and survives for her loved ones even if it means she’s not really alive and her body, the thing that everyone mistakes for being Elena Gilbert, is empty.
It’s not hard to see that I’m an avid worshipper at the Elena Gilbert alter. I haven’t reread the books in, what, five years? And I haven’t consistently watched season three (not going to even touch on that, this is about Elena not other peoples short comings). Both the book series and the show series are so-so (they did have their moments, like Damon turning into a human in the books) but Elena Gilbert has kept me here. There will never be another character who holds my heart the way Elena Gilbert does. Down to the way she nods her head in understanding when Stefan says he can’t go home to the way she walked up to Damon on the fateful night that ironically brought no one what they wanted, the night of the tomb opening, and she hugged him without asking any questions. She understood and that was enough. You see, that’s what Elena does, she understands and she doesn’t judge, she makes people feel like what they have is just enough and that draws them in.