Rabbit Hole - Epilogue
See warnings and notes in the Master Post.
Part 2
~*~*~
My name is Sam Beckett, and for the first time in a long time, I know who I am. I was born in Elk Ridge, Indiana on August 8, 1953 to John Samuel Beckett and Thelma Louise Beckett. My older brother is Thomas Andrew Beckett, and until I changed history, he died in Vietnam. After I changed history, he came home. My younger sister is Katherine Elizabeth Beckett, and when Tom was dead, she was married to an alcoholic who abused her. After Tom survived, she ended up married to a Navy officer who loves her.
My name is Sam Beckett, and, theorizing that I could time travel within my own lifetime, I led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top-secret project known as Quantum Leap. Pressured to prove my theories or lose funding, I prematurely stepped into the project accelerator, and I awoke to find myself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not my own.
My name is Sam Beckett, and my guide was Al Calavicci, who kept me sane during those early years. I grieved when I broke contact with him and the project to start traveling on my own, but at the time, it was the right thing to do. Somewhere along the line, though, I stopped worrying about where or when the people went when I leapt into them, and that bothered the hell out of me, because it wasn’t who I was. I got off easy, though, because based on what Castiel had said about Dean, it was clear that someone was taking care of Dean, at least. I had to assume that same someone or group of someones took care of everyone else.
“They do.”
Sam stood in his mother’s truck garden, with a row of cabbage to his left and a row of strawberries to his right. The man who spoke held a hoe, and it was clear that he had been weeding.
Still disoriented from the leap and the fact that he knew he was in a garden that had long since gone to weed, Sam said, “What?”
“Your friends. They take care of the people you leap into. Gets a bit confusing at times, but they manage, and they keep tabs on where you are.”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Joshua.”
At first, he thought the information wasn’t useful, but then he remembered the manuscript, and he was pretty sure he knew who Joshua was.
To be certain, he asked, “Why am I in my mother’s garden?”
“Everyone sees the Garden in their own way. When Dean and Sam Winchester were here, they saw the Cleveland Botanical Garden because it had meaning for them. You see your mother’s garden for your own reasons.” Joshua leaned down and carefully pulled a weed out, making sure the roots were intact, then laid it on a stack of weeds near his feet. He added, “It doesn’t really matter, though. All gardens stem from this, the one Garden.”
Sam considered what Joshua said and asked, “Am I dead?”
“You’ve been dead a long time, Sam,” he said, his face kind even as he delivered the news.
“But I’ve been traveling through time, helping people. I couldn’t do that if I were dead.”
“True enough. But would you say you were living your life through most of that?”
Sam started to answer, but he realized Joshua was saying something else entirely. “Oh. Not really.”
Joshua smiled briefly. “You’re as smart as they say you are.”
“Are you - are you related to that other man I met? Al?”
“I know Al. He keeps in touch sometimes.”
“He said I was the one who decided to keep leaping, but - but lately, it’s felt like I haven’t had any control.”
“Of course you haven’t. You didn’t even know who you were. No way for you keep on course if you don’t know where you’ve been or where you need to go.” Joshua nodded at the porch, where a pitcher of lemonade sat with two glasses on Grandma Beckett’s favorite lawn table. The chairs on either side were in pristine condition, and Sam willingly followed along, remembering how comfortable they were.
He poured two glasses and handed one to Joshua before asking, “Did you send me into Dean Winchester’s life?”
“I did.”
Sam sighed, wondering if angels ever gave up information without prompting. “Was it to help him and Castiel get together?”
“That was one reason.”
“They - will they be okay now?”
“Perhaps,” Joshua said thoughtfully. “It’s difficult to say with those two.”
“I don’t understand.” Sam thought he might have, when he first arrived, but even as he sat there, his memories of Dean Winchester’s life and family were already starting to fade, and he thought he might be missing something important.
“Come, now, Sam. Your memories haven’t gone away quite yet. Surely, you can tell me if anything you’ve learned about Dean Winchester suggests even slightly that the man ever willingly does what he’s expected to do.”
Startled, Sam laughed. “No. I haven’t learned anything that supports that theory.”
“And Castiel. Do you think he’s readily moved to do what others want him to do and to do so without questioning the purpose?”
“That would also be no,” Sam said. But even as he was amused by the idea, he was concerned. “Why send me there, if there’s no guarantee they’ll get together?”
“God asked me to.”
“God? I thought He didn’t get involved anymore.”
“He doesn’t. Not really. But every so often, He likes to skip a stone across a pond.” Joshua took a drink of his lemonade and said, “Dean and Castiel have potential to do great things together, and God wants to see if they’ll fulfill that promise.”
“Oh.” It made sense, really. From what he recalled of the books, Sam thought that the real reason the angels started the apocalypse was an effort to get God to give them direction again. It never seemed to occur to any of them that God, like any parent, was stepping back to let His children grow up. So that explained Dean and Castiel, but - “You said they were one reason. What was the other?”
“You were. How’s your memory?”
“Perfect.” Sam could remember everything up until he leapt that first time. After that, his memories were uneven, but considering that he’d been traveling in time for - “Four hundred years? I’ve been - that’s impossible.”
“Not much is impossible when God is involved.”
“God?”
“I told you, he likes to skip stones sometimes. Dean and Castiel are one, and you’re another.” Joshua looked at him with so much compassion and love that Sam wanted to look away, to hide himself, because no one deserved that level of devotion. No one, which is what he said.
Joshua answered, “I hope you’ll understand when I say I disagree with you on that. You kept going longer than I thought anyone possibly could, and you did so willingly and alone.”
He made it sound more noble than it was, and Sam, honest to the core, said, “I couldn’t - I didn’t know how to stop.”
“That much is obvious,” Joshua said wryly. “You’ve done a lot of good, Sam. Far more than I would have thought.”
“Why am I here?”
“We needed to talk,” Joshua said.
“About what?”
“About you. You’ve been wandering in the wilderness for a great many years. It’s time to rest, don’t you think?”
“I -” He thought about everything he’d done and briefly considered the possibility of going on, but then he remembered Al and Donna and everyone else on the project, and he couldn’t do that. Not if there was a chance his family and friends were still alive and waiting for him to return.
“Could I go home?”
“Which home, Sam?”
“Mine. I want to see my family again, and my friends.”
“Even if they’ve moved on?”
“Yes,” Sam said, with no hesitation.
Joshua’s smile broadened, and Sam felt the leap home begin.
End Notes: Feedback is love. So is chocolate, for that matter. And Jensen Ackles' pretty, pretty face.
~*~*~
Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue | Master Post
Part 2
~*~*~
My name is Sam Beckett, and for the first time in a long time, I know who I am. I was born in Elk Ridge, Indiana on August 8, 1953 to John Samuel Beckett and Thelma Louise Beckett. My older brother is Thomas Andrew Beckett, and until I changed history, he died in Vietnam. After I changed history, he came home. My younger sister is Katherine Elizabeth Beckett, and when Tom was dead, she was married to an alcoholic who abused her. After Tom survived, she ended up married to a Navy officer who loves her.
My name is Sam Beckett, and, theorizing that I could time travel within my own lifetime, I led an elite group of scientists into the desert to develop a top-secret project known as Quantum Leap. Pressured to prove my theories or lose funding, I prematurely stepped into the project accelerator, and I awoke to find myself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not my own.
My name is Sam Beckett, and my guide was Al Calavicci, who kept me sane during those early years. I grieved when I broke contact with him and the project to start traveling on my own, but at the time, it was the right thing to do. Somewhere along the line, though, I stopped worrying about where or when the people went when I leapt into them, and that bothered the hell out of me, because it wasn’t who I was. I got off easy, though, because based on what Castiel had said about Dean, it was clear that someone was taking care of Dean, at least. I had to assume that same someone or group of someones took care of everyone else.
“They do.”
Sam stood in his mother’s truck garden, with a row of cabbage to his left and a row of strawberries to his right. The man who spoke held a hoe, and it was clear that he had been weeding.
Still disoriented from the leap and the fact that he knew he was in a garden that had long since gone to weed, Sam said, “What?”
“Your friends. They take care of the people you leap into. Gets a bit confusing at times, but they manage, and they keep tabs on where you are.”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Joshua.”
At first, he thought the information wasn’t useful, but then he remembered the manuscript, and he was pretty sure he knew who Joshua was.
To be certain, he asked, “Why am I in my mother’s garden?”
“Everyone sees the Garden in their own way. When Dean and Sam Winchester were here, they saw the Cleveland Botanical Garden because it had meaning for them. You see your mother’s garden for your own reasons.” Joshua leaned down and carefully pulled a weed out, making sure the roots were intact, then laid it on a stack of weeds near his feet. He added, “It doesn’t really matter, though. All gardens stem from this, the one Garden.”
Sam considered what Joshua said and asked, “Am I dead?”
“You’ve been dead a long time, Sam,” he said, his face kind even as he delivered the news.
“But I’ve been traveling through time, helping people. I couldn’t do that if I were dead.”
“True enough. But would you say you were living your life through most of that?”
Sam started to answer, but he realized Joshua was saying something else entirely. “Oh. Not really.”
Joshua smiled briefly. “You’re as smart as they say you are.”
“Are you - are you related to that other man I met? Al?”
“I know Al. He keeps in touch sometimes.”
“He said I was the one who decided to keep leaping, but - but lately, it’s felt like I haven’t had any control.”
“Of course you haven’t. You didn’t even know who you were. No way for you keep on course if you don’t know where you’ve been or where you need to go.” Joshua nodded at the porch, where a pitcher of lemonade sat with two glasses on Grandma Beckett’s favorite lawn table. The chairs on either side were in pristine condition, and Sam willingly followed along, remembering how comfortable they were.
He poured two glasses and handed one to Joshua before asking, “Did you send me into Dean Winchester’s life?”
“I did.”
Sam sighed, wondering if angels ever gave up information without prompting. “Was it to help him and Castiel get together?”
“That was one reason.”
“They - will they be okay now?”
“Perhaps,” Joshua said thoughtfully. “It’s difficult to say with those two.”
“I don’t understand.” Sam thought he might have, when he first arrived, but even as he sat there, his memories of Dean Winchester’s life and family were already starting to fade, and he thought he might be missing something important.
“Come, now, Sam. Your memories haven’t gone away quite yet. Surely, you can tell me if anything you’ve learned about Dean Winchester suggests even slightly that the man ever willingly does what he’s expected to do.”
Startled, Sam laughed. “No. I haven’t learned anything that supports that theory.”
“And Castiel. Do you think he’s readily moved to do what others want him to do and to do so without questioning the purpose?”
“That would also be no,” Sam said. But even as he was amused by the idea, he was concerned. “Why send me there, if there’s no guarantee they’ll get together?”
“God asked me to.”
“God? I thought He didn’t get involved anymore.”
“He doesn’t. Not really. But every so often, He likes to skip a stone across a pond.” Joshua took a drink of his lemonade and said, “Dean and Castiel have potential to do great things together, and God wants to see if they’ll fulfill that promise.”
“Oh.” It made sense, really. From what he recalled of the books, Sam thought that the real reason the angels started the apocalypse was an effort to get God to give them direction again. It never seemed to occur to any of them that God, like any parent, was stepping back to let His children grow up. So that explained Dean and Castiel, but - “You said they were one reason. What was the other?”
“You were. How’s your memory?”
“Perfect.” Sam could remember everything up until he leapt that first time. After that, his memories were uneven, but considering that he’d been traveling in time for - “Four hundred years? I’ve been - that’s impossible.”
“Not much is impossible when God is involved.”
“God?”
“I told you, he likes to skip stones sometimes. Dean and Castiel are one, and you’re another.” Joshua looked at him with so much compassion and love that Sam wanted to look away, to hide himself, because no one deserved that level of devotion. No one, which is what he said.
Joshua answered, “I hope you’ll understand when I say I disagree with you on that. You kept going longer than I thought anyone possibly could, and you did so willingly and alone.”
He made it sound more noble than it was, and Sam, honest to the core, said, “I couldn’t - I didn’t know how to stop.”
“That much is obvious,” Joshua said wryly. “You’ve done a lot of good, Sam. Far more than I would have thought.”
“Why am I here?”
“We needed to talk,” Joshua said.
“About what?”
“About you. You’ve been wandering in the wilderness for a great many years. It’s time to rest, don’t you think?”
“I -” He thought about everything he’d done and briefly considered the possibility of going on, but then he remembered Al and Donna and everyone else on the project, and he couldn’t do that. Not if there was a chance his family and friends were still alive and waiting for him to return.
“Could I go home?”
“Which home, Sam?”
“Mine. I want to see my family again, and my friends.”
“Even if they’ve moved on?”
“Yes,” Sam said, with no hesitation.
Joshua’s smile broadened, and Sam felt the leap home begin.
End Notes: Feedback is love. So is chocolate, for that matter. And Jensen Ackles' pretty, pretty face.
~*~*~
Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue | Master Post