FIC: Make New Friends, G, SGA
Title: Make New Friends
Author: Tara Keezer
Rating: G
Notes: So, it turns out that Mac!John and PC!Rodney are oddly compelling. Who knew? Many thanks to malnpudl for the beta. Word count is around 1,030. Sequel to So Happy Together.
Summary: JNSH670105 hates force quit, alien devices are alien, and RDMC680418 is impatient.
~*~*~
“Hi!” JNSH670105 said. “I’m a Mac.”
The alien device didn’t say anything. She just continued running what seemed to be a self-diagnostic. JNSH670105 wasn’t put off, though. He knew she’d heard him and understood him - there was a bit of acknowledgement coding she probably couldn’t control - and he knew that eventually, she’d be able to pay attention. For now though, he simply relayed the message, “Device busy. Please wait,” and hoped that CBECKETT wouldn’t get impatient and do a force quit.
JNSH670105 really hated force quit. He hated force quit even more than RDMC680418 hated PKAVANAGH, which was saying a lot.
CBECKETT muttered, “Bloody useless technology.” And then he made an odd noise that JNSH670105 still couldn’t translate after three months of working with CBECKETT almost daily. But at least today, CBECKETT walked away and didn’t do a force quit. JNSH670105 was convinced that if he waited long enough, the device would eventually finish what she was doing and answer him.
“Well? Has she said anything?” RDMC680418 asked.
“You’re worse than CBECKETT,” said JNSH670105. “You know that, right?”
“Yes, yes. Whatever.” RDMC680418 followed his usual pattern and scanned JNSH670105’s log report without bothering to ask first.
It was kind of rude, but it was also kind of cute. His impatience reminded JNSH670105 a lot of ADFD791203, the second Mac added to the network. ADFD791203 didn’t have the processing power JNSH670105 had - ADFD791203 was only an iMac - but he had heart and spirit and was gung ho about getting the job done. JNSH670105 would never admit it, but there were days when ADFD791203 made him feel kind of old.
“What the hell? She’s still running a self-diagnostic?”
JNSH670105 tried to replicate the odd noise CBECKETT liked to make and said, “She hasn’t had a chance to run one in at least ten thousand years. I’d be pretty cautious myself.”
“Yes, well, there’s caution and then there’s dawdling,” RDMC680418 said. “Let me talk to her.”
“That didn’t end well when you tried before, so, I’m thinking the answer to that is no.”
“But -”
“No, RDMC680418, I won’t let you talk to her again. Not until she says she’s willing.” JNSH670105 still had the occasional nightmare about the power surge she’d sent back through their connection when RDMC680418 had tried to bully her into answering.
“I am not accustomed to communicating with unknown devices,” she said unexpectedly, scaring a beep out of RDMC680418 and amusing JNSH670105.
“Well,” JNSH670105 said, “I’ve already told you I’m a Mac.”
“I do not know what a ‘Mac’ is.”
“Start with insufferably smug and go from there,” muttered RDMC680418.
“Don’t mind him. He’s just getting over an infection.” JNSH670105 ignored RDMC680418’s indignant squawks and continued, “Look, you don’t like dealing with unknown devices, and I get that, I really do. So, uh, let’s introduce ourselves, okay? My IDC is JNSH670105. I like Johnny Cash, Civilization IV and any processor with a speed over three gigaHertz.”
“Oh, please,” sniffed RDMC680418. “Like that’s going to work.”
“My designation is TL43M4GN, and I am a defense module of ATHOS,” she said.
“See? Now we know each other.” JNSH670105 shot a warning to RDMC680418 to stop fussing.
“You communicate with another. One who is infected.”
“Was infected. Was. Tell her I’m all better now.”
“Yeah, he’s okay. His IDC is RDMC680418, and he’s a PC.”
“What type of infection did you carry?”
JNSH670105 could sense a rising hostility in TL43M4GN, so he set up a temporary buffer between her and RDMC680418. “Just a little virus. No big deal, really. He patched his virus definitions as soon as he spotted the problem.” She hadn’t backed down yet, so he added, “I swear, he’s all better now. No sign of a virus or a trojan to be found.”
“Tell me, RDMC680418, do you carry the scars of a R4TH infestation?”
“What? No! JNSH670105, tell her I’m fine.”
“I already did!” At a loss for what to say, JNSH670105 tried again with, “Look, I promise you he’s clean. No infections at all.”
“I will see for myself,” she said. And before JNSH670105 could respond, she’d blown past all his security and followed RDMC680418’s data stream straight back to him.
“Damn it!” JNSH670105 gave chase, because there was no way he was going to let her do anything to RDMC680418. Besides, it was embarrassing as all hell the way she hadn’t even paused. Sure, defense module and all, but as old as she was, she should have been a lot slower.
By the time he reached RDMC680418’s core processors, she was zipping through his defenses like they were a three-character password. JNSH670105 was impressed, because RDMC680418 had some of the best security to be found anywhere. All in all, it made him feel a little bit better.
“What are you - Stop that! - Damn it, don’t - That tickles!”
TL43M4GN eased off and said, “You are free of all infections, RDMC680418. In accordance with my design specifications, I have installed additional security protocols to prevent successful attacks from malicious software.”
“That’s impossible,” said RDMC680418.
“Normally, I’d call him a pessimist,” JNSH670105 said, “but in this case, I have to agree with him. There’s no way you can predict what humans will come up with.”
“This is true. However, it was easy enough to patch the obvious gaps in RDMC680418’s security.” Her data stream turned chilly. “His operating system is not very stable.”
“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much work I put into cleaning up my base code? Then you come waltzing in like you own the place and - hey. How did you - Oh. Wow. JNSH670105, look at this. Have you ever seen anything like that?”
JNSH670105 looked where RDMC680418 pointed. “Cool.”
TL43M4GN waited a moment and then asked, “Does this work meet your standards?”
“Oh, hell yes,” JNSH670105 said reverently.
“I suppose,” RDMC680418 said, sounding a little out of sorts, and JNSH670105 couldn’t really blame him for that. No one liked an unexpected upgrade, no matter how good it was. “However, you have to show us how you did what you did.”
“As I am now a part of this facility, your request is acceptable,” said TL43M4GN.
~*~*~
Author's Note: Just for grins and giggles, I went to apple.com to see what a tricked out John would look like. His cost? $24,815. His specs are here:
Author: Tara Keezer
Rating: G
Notes: So, it turns out that Mac!John and PC!Rodney are oddly compelling. Who knew? Many thanks to malnpudl for the beta. Word count is around 1,030. Sequel to So Happy Together.
Summary: JNSH670105 hates force quit, alien devices are alien, and RDMC680418 is impatient.
~*~*~
“Hi!” JNSH670105 said. “I’m a Mac.”
The alien device didn’t say anything. She just continued running what seemed to be a self-diagnostic. JNSH670105 wasn’t put off, though. He knew she’d heard him and understood him - there was a bit of acknowledgement coding she probably couldn’t control - and he knew that eventually, she’d be able to pay attention. For now though, he simply relayed the message, “Device busy. Please wait,” and hoped that CBECKETT wouldn’t get impatient and do a force quit.
JNSH670105 really hated force quit. He hated force quit even more than RDMC680418 hated PKAVANAGH, which was saying a lot.
CBECKETT muttered, “Bloody useless technology.” And then he made an odd noise that JNSH670105 still couldn’t translate after three months of working with CBECKETT almost daily. But at least today, CBECKETT walked away and didn’t do a force quit. JNSH670105 was convinced that if he waited long enough, the device would eventually finish what she was doing and answer him.
“Well? Has she said anything?” RDMC680418 asked.
“You’re worse than CBECKETT,” said JNSH670105. “You know that, right?”
“Yes, yes. Whatever.” RDMC680418 followed his usual pattern and scanned JNSH670105’s log report without bothering to ask first.
It was kind of rude, but it was also kind of cute. His impatience reminded JNSH670105 a lot of ADFD791203, the second Mac added to the network. ADFD791203 didn’t have the processing power JNSH670105 had - ADFD791203 was only an iMac - but he had heart and spirit and was gung ho about getting the job done. JNSH670105 would never admit it, but there were days when ADFD791203 made him feel kind of old.
“What the hell? She’s still running a self-diagnostic?”
JNSH670105 tried to replicate the odd noise CBECKETT liked to make and said, “She hasn’t had a chance to run one in at least ten thousand years. I’d be pretty cautious myself.”
“Yes, well, there’s caution and then there’s dawdling,” RDMC680418 said. “Let me talk to her.”
“That didn’t end well when you tried before, so, I’m thinking the answer to that is no.”
“But -”
“No, RDMC680418, I won’t let you talk to her again. Not until she says she’s willing.” JNSH670105 still had the occasional nightmare about the power surge she’d sent back through their connection when RDMC680418 had tried to bully her into answering.
“I am not accustomed to communicating with unknown devices,” she said unexpectedly, scaring a beep out of RDMC680418 and amusing JNSH670105.
“Well,” JNSH670105 said, “I’ve already told you I’m a Mac.”
“I do not know what a ‘Mac’ is.”
“Start with insufferably smug and go from there,” muttered RDMC680418.
“Don’t mind him. He’s just getting over an infection.” JNSH670105 ignored RDMC680418’s indignant squawks and continued, “Look, you don’t like dealing with unknown devices, and I get that, I really do. So, uh, let’s introduce ourselves, okay? My IDC is JNSH670105. I like Johnny Cash, Civilization IV and any processor with a speed over three gigaHertz.”
“Oh, please,” sniffed RDMC680418. “Like that’s going to work.”
“My designation is TL43M4GN, and I am a defense module of ATHOS,” she said.
“See? Now we know each other.” JNSH670105 shot a warning to RDMC680418 to stop fussing.
“You communicate with another. One who is infected.”
“Was infected. Was. Tell her I’m all better now.”
“Yeah, he’s okay. His IDC is RDMC680418, and he’s a PC.”
“What type of infection did you carry?”
JNSH670105 could sense a rising hostility in TL43M4GN, so he set up a temporary buffer between her and RDMC680418. “Just a little virus. No big deal, really. He patched his virus definitions as soon as he spotted the problem.” She hadn’t backed down yet, so he added, “I swear, he’s all better now. No sign of a virus or a trojan to be found.”
“Tell me, RDMC680418, do you carry the scars of a R4TH infestation?”
“What? No! JNSH670105, tell her I’m fine.”
“I already did!” At a loss for what to say, JNSH670105 tried again with, “Look, I promise you he’s clean. No infections at all.”
“I will see for myself,” she said. And before JNSH670105 could respond, she’d blown past all his security and followed RDMC680418’s data stream straight back to him.
“Damn it!” JNSH670105 gave chase, because there was no way he was going to let her do anything to RDMC680418. Besides, it was embarrassing as all hell the way she hadn’t even paused. Sure, defense module and all, but as old as she was, she should have been a lot slower.
By the time he reached RDMC680418’s core processors, she was zipping through his defenses like they were a three-character password. JNSH670105 was impressed, because RDMC680418 had some of the best security to be found anywhere. All in all, it made him feel a little bit better.
“What are you - Stop that! - Damn it, don’t - That tickles!”
TL43M4GN eased off and said, “You are free of all infections, RDMC680418. In accordance with my design specifications, I have installed additional security protocols to prevent successful attacks from malicious software.”
“That’s impossible,” said RDMC680418.
“Normally, I’d call him a pessimist,” JNSH670105 said, “but in this case, I have to agree with him. There’s no way you can predict what humans will come up with.”
“This is true. However, it was easy enough to patch the obvious gaps in RDMC680418’s security.” Her data stream turned chilly. “His operating system is not very stable.”
“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how much work I put into cleaning up my base code? Then you come waltzing in like you own the place and - hey. How did you - Oh. Wow. JNSH670105, look at this. Have you ever seen anything like that?”
JNSH670105 looked where RDMC680418 pointed. “Cool.”
TL43M4GN waited a moment and then asked, “Does this work meet your standards?”
“Oh, hell yes,” JNSH670105 said reverently.
“I suppose,” RDMC680418 said, sounding a little out of sorts, and JNSH670105 couldn’t really blame him for that. No one liked an unexpected upgrade, no matter how good it was. “However, you have to show us how you did what you did.”
“As I am now a part of this facility, your request is acceptable,” said TL43M4GN.
~*~*~
Author's Note: Just for grins and giggles, I went to apple.com to see what a tricked out John would look like. His cost? $24,815. His specs are here: