FIC: Quarrel, PG-13, 1/3
Title: Quarrel, 1/3
Rating: PG
Summary: Jim grits his teeth against what he really wants to say.
Notes: Previous installments can be found here.
Disclaimer: Zuiker and company own the rights to CSI and its characters. I own a decent camera I can’t find.
~*~*~
Jim grits his teeth against what he really wants to say. That way lies madness and, he doesn’t doubt, a ring being thrown at him. Clenching his jaw, he takes a deep breath and tries again. “I don’t want to go there.”
“It’s just a friendly poker game,” she says like it’s no big deal, and he wonders how she can be so willfully blind about this.
“No, it isn’t. It’s Sam’s way of getting me to his place so he can humiliate me.” She starts to object, and he interrupts her. “I’ve arrested the man twice for murder. You can’t think he’s happy about us getting married.”
“How can you say that?” Catherine isn’t anywhere near tears, but she’s definitely upset. “He’s trying. He’s making an effort. Can’t you see that?”
He shakes his head. “No, I can’t. He’s a manipulative son of a bitch.” She flinches -- actually flinches -- when Jim says that, and he sighs heavily. “You know this, Catherine. You sure as hell knew it last May when you went to him to get money for Nick.”
She doesn’t look up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Jesus!” Jim tries to get a leash on his anger and says more softly, “The only time I ever hear you lie to yourself is when it comes to Sam Braun.”
“I don’t --”
“You do.” Jim sits next to her on the couch and takes her hands in his. They’re icy cold, and he knows from experience it’s because her blood pressure has gone up from stress. “The night they put Nicky back into ICU, you and I sat there at the hospital, and you told me what it was like getting money from Sam.”
She tries to pull her hands away, but he won’t let her. “You told me you never once in your life felt like a whore until he made you call him Daddy.”
“Jim, don’t!” Catherine pulls her hands away at that, stands up, walks to the other side of the room.
“Those were your words, not mine.”
“You don’t -- He’s my father. He had the right to ask for that,” she says, wringing her hands.
“He’s not your father.” Of this, Jim is certain, and if it’s the last thing he does, he’ll make her understand that one basic fact. “He was never there for you when you were growing up, and the only reason he’s around now is because one son is dead and the other’s on death row.”
That pisses her off. “You’re wrong. I saw him all the time when I was a kid.”
“You saw him as your mother’s boyfriend, not as your father.” Jim stands and takes a step toward her. When she backs away, he stops moving. “Sam was a sperm donor. That’s all.”
“You don’t know anything about it,” she says, and now he can see her tearing up a little. “You have no idea what it’s like.”
“Like hell I don’t.” His anger, self-righteous and sweet, flares up. “I did a crappy job of it, but Ellie knows I’m her father.”
Catherine looks at him like he just sprouted a second head. “Why wouldn’t she?”
It’s then that Jim begins to think the rumor mill never got word out about Ellie’s paternity. “Shit. You know, don’t you?”
“Know what?”
Jim closes his eyes and prays for the ground to swallow him. When it doesn’t, he opens his eyes again and says, “Sam is no more your father than Mike O’Toole is Ellie’s father.”
“Who’s Mike O’Toole?” She sounds suspicious, and Jim thinks she probably understands what he’s getting at. He also thinks this is going to start a whole new argument before they’re finished with the current one.
“He’s the guy who got Nancy pregnant with Ellie.” It hurts every time he says it, and he’d very much like to get to a point in his life where he doesn’t have to say it ever again. “Now before you get pissed off at me for not saying anything, I thought you already knew.”
Catherine looks like she just got kicked in the stomach. As pale as she is, Jim is worried that she’s about to pass out, so he hustles over to her before she can move away from him again. “I -- How would I know?”
“I thought Sanders or Brown would have said something by now.” He helps her sit down.
“Ellie’s not your daughter?”
After everything he’s just told her, he can’t believe she’d ask a question like that. “Ellie is my daughter. I don’t give a shit what the DNA says, just like I don’t give a shit that half your DNA comes from Sam Braun. He’s not your father, and I’m not going to pretend he is.”
“Jim --”
He swallows back the angry words and says as gently as possible, “You grew up without a father, and you did just fine. You don’t need Sam Braun in your life.”
Her jaw is so tightly clenched it’s a wonder she can get the words out. “You’re right. He wasn’t there for me growing up. But he’s here now, and he wants to be part of my life.”
They’re close to an impasse, and Jim knows it. He makes the best offer he can. “Fine. You want him to be part of the wedding, I can live with that. But don’t expect me to play nice with him the rest of the time. We both know he’s a murderer, and if I ever get a chance to arrest him again, I will.”
“Jim, please --”
“I love you, Catherine, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If Lindsey agrees, I want to adopt her after the wedding.” He swallows hard. “But I won’t accept that Sam Braun has to be a part of my life after we get married.”
Her voice is tight when she asks, “Is this an ultimatum?”
“No,” he says quietly, holding her hands. “It’s the way things are. Please don’t ask me to be friends with a killer. It won’t happen.”
After a long moment, she says, “Get out.”
He stares at her, bewildered and convinced he didn’t just hear what he thinks he heard. “Catherine --”
“Now.”
Rating: PG
Summary: Jim grits his teeth against what he really wants to say.
Notes: Previous installments can be found here.
Disclaimer: Zuiker and company own the rights to CSI and its characters. I own a decent camera I can’t find.
~*~*~
Jim grits his teeth against what he really wants to say. That way lies madness and, he doesn’t doubt, a ring being thrown at him. Clenching his jaw, he takes a deep breath and tries again. “I don’t want to go there.”
“It’s just a friendly poker game,” she says like it’s no big deal, and he wonders how she can be so willfully blind about this.
“No, it isn’t. It’s Sam’s way of getting me to his place so he can humiliate me.” She starts to object, and he interrupts her. “I’ve arrested the man twice for murder. You can’t think he’s happy about us getting married.”
“How can you say that?” Catherine isn’t anywhere near tears, but she’s definitely upset. “He’s trying. He’s making an effort. Can’t you see that?”
He shakes his head. “No, I can’t. He’s a manipulative son of a bitch.” She flinches -- actually flinches -- when Jim says that, and he sighs heavily. “You know this, Catherine. You sure as hell knew it last May when you went to him to get money for Nick.”
She doesn’t look up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Jesus!” Jim tries to get a leash on his anger and says more softly, “The only time I ever hear you lie to yourself is when it comes to Sam Braun.”
“I don’t --”
“You do.” Jim sits next to her on the couch and takes her hands in his. They’re icy cold, and he knows from experience it’s because her blood pressure has gone up from stress. “The night they put Nicky back into ICU, you and I sat there at the hospital, and you told me what it was like getting money from Sam.”
She tries to pull her hands away, but he won’t let her. “You told me you never once in your life felt like a whore until he made you call him Daddy.”
“Jim, don’t!” Catherine pulls her hands away at that, stands up, walks to the other side of the room.
“Those were your words, not mine.”
“You don’t -- He’s my father. He had the right to ask for that,” she says, wringing her hands.
“He’s not your father.” Of this, Jim is certain, and if it’s the last thing he does, he’ll make her understand that one basic fact. “He was never there for you when you were growing up, and the only reason he’s around now is because one son is dead and the other’s on death row.”
That pisses her off. “You’re wrong. I saw him all the time when I was a kid.”
“You saw him as your mother’s boyfriend, not as your father.” Jim stands and takes a step toward her. When she backs away, he stops moving. “Sam was a sperm donor. That’s all.”
“You don’t know anything about it,” she says, and now he can see her tearing up a little. “You have no idea what it’s like.”
“Like hell I don’t.” His anger, self-righteous and sweet, flares up. “I did a crappy job of it, but Ellie knows I’m her father.”
Catherine looks at him like he just sprouted a second head. “Why wouldn’t she?”
It’s then that Jim begins to think the rumor mill never got word out about Ellie’s paternity. “Shit. You know, don’t you?”
“Know what?”
Jim closes his eyes and prays for the ground to swallow him. When it doesn’t, he opens his eyes again and says, “Sam is no more your father than Mike O’Toole is Ellie’s father.”
“Who’s Mike O’Toole?” She sounds suspicious, and Jim thinks she probably understands what he’s getting at. He also thinks this is going to start a whole new argument before they’re finished with the current one.
“He’s the guy who got Nancy pregnant with Ellie.” It hurts every time he says it, and he’d very much like to get to a point in his life where he doesn’t have to say it ever again. “Now before you get pissed off at me for not saying anything, I thought you already knew.”
Catherine looks like she just got kicked in the stomach. As pale as she is, Jim is worried that she’s about to pass out, so he hustles over to her before she can move away from him again. “I -- How would I know?”
“I thought Sanders or Brown would have said something by now.” He helps her sit down.
“Ellie’s not your daughter?”
After everything he’s just told her, he can’t believe she’d ask a question like that. “Ellie is my daughter. I don’t give a shit what the DNA says, just like I don’t give a shit that half your DNA comes from Sam Braun. He’s not your father, and I’m not going to pretend he is.”
“Jim --”
He swallows back the angry words and says as gently as possible, “You grew up without a father, and you did just fine. You don’t need Sam Braun in your life.”
Her jaw is so tightly clenched it’s a wonder she can get the words out. “You’re right. He wasn’t there for me growing up. But he’s here now, and he wants to be part of my life.”
They’re close to an impasse, and Jim knows it. He makes the best offer he can. “Fine. You want him to be part of the wedding, I can live with that. But don’t expect me to play nice with him the rest of the time. We both know he’s a murderer, and if I ever get a chance to arrest him again, I will.”
“Jim, please --”
“I love you, Catherine, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If Lindsey agrees, I want to adopt her after the wedding.” He swallows hard. “But I won’t accept that Sam Braun has to be a part of my life after we get married.”
Her voice is tight when she asks, “Is this an ultimatum?”
“No,” he says quietly, holding her hands. “It’s the way things are. Please don’t ask me to be friends with a killer. It won’t happen.”
After a long moment, she says, “Get out.”
He stares at her, bewildered and convinced he didn’t just hear what he thinks he heard. “Catherine --”
“Now.”