Now I remember
I went to the ER last night. On the whole, I believe my preventative might actually be kicking in - I've been able to space out visits to the ER more lately, which is such an amazing thing.
But yesterday I had to go in... it's gotten to a point where, if a migraine lasts for a certain length of time, and the pain is occurring in a specific way, I know I need to go to the hospital. So I did. Kari came to help me and drive me home. Thanks. :)
They gave me a shot of morphine, despite me telling them that morphine rarely works for my migraines - there are actually several lower dose narcotics that *do* work - but morphine and dilaudid really don't. Besides, if something less powerful works, why not try that first?
Anyway. I got a shot of morphine (in my stomach! Ah!), and while it did clear up the light sensitivity almost completely, I was still nauseous and my pain level was down only to a 7 (from a 9 - I seriously wanted to die last night). Generally my outlook is this: If the pain isn't down to a 4 or below, I need to be treated further. No such luck. The doc refused to give me anything else, wouldn't give me anything to take home...
I am kind of debating going back to the ER today. Migraining still. I'm just not sure I can take it, emotionally. After an experience like that, I'm feeling kind of hopeless. Remember that article I linked to about Janice the migrainour? I had forgotten how despairing you can get when no one wants to help you, when the doctor completely discounts everything you say. Or when they say, "Well, why isn't your neuro doing _____?" And when I'm horribly sick and puking, it's hard to convince a doctor that you ARE doing something, and that your status IS improving, at least in general.
And since I've been to this ER before... several times... they frown on helping me anymore. They don't treat me like a drug seeker - I'm not on any narcotic medications, I'm on two separate preventatives, I know a *lot* about migraines. It doesn't help that nubain (that used to be the best thing I could receive in the ER) is suddenly make me violently sick - vomiting for hours. And now I'm allergic to phenergen... it's very confusing.
I don't want to go back. I want to be fixed, but I don't want to go back to the hospital. I'm suddenly remembering why, the last time I had to be admitted, I spent 1/2 of my time in a panic attack (my only panic attack ever, thank God).