(no subject)
His mind was clear.
He remembered who he was. Who his family was. His past, his dreams, his desires. He remembered that he had been a good person.
And, of course, he remembered everything that he did while enamored with Orion. The killing, the enjoyment from it. The wanting to do it.
He still found himself wanting Orion. Not in the mindless lusting need that had been apart of him for the past several months. But part of him remembered feeling safe and comfortable in Orion's arms. The tenderness that he showed him. How he cared for him, helped him stay sane when the fever took him. Clung to him, needed him.
Made him love to kill and hurt people.
But that was gone now.
And the thought of doing it made him ill.
He didn't think he could do that again. Hurt someone. Use a weapon. Be violent.
Laying there, in the bed, he trembled at the memories and what he had become. He could feel Orion through their link. His worry. And it made him sad that he caused it. He wanted to be back with him. To feel safe with him.
But he was afraid that Orion would want him to hurt others. He knew that Orion liked it when he did that. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Even if it got him beat.
He remembered who he was. Who his family was. His past, his dreams, his desires. He remembered that he had been a good person.
And, of course, he remembered everything that he did while enamored with Orion. The killing, the enjoyment from it. The wanting to do it.
He still found himself wanting Orion. Not in the mindless lusting need that had been apart of him for the past several months. But part of him remembered feeling safe and comfortable in Orion's arms. The tenderness that he showed him. How he cared for him, helped him stay sane when the fever took him. Clung to him, needed him.
Made him love to kill and hurt people.
But that was gone now.
And the thought of doing it made him ill.
He didn't think he could do that again. Hurt someone. Use a weapon. Be violent.
Laying there, in the bed, he trembled at the memories and what he had become. He could feel Orion through their link. His worry. And it made him sad that he caused it. He wanted to be back with him. To feel safe with him.
But he was afraid that Orion would want him to hurt others. He knew that Orion liked it when he did that. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Even if it got him beat.