I want them to know I miss them.
I am back from NY and I feel like I had the time I wanted and needed to gather myself and my thoughts. I go on vacations in search of a way to better myself and that is in fact what happened.. I learned and understand now that there are different paths one is on in life. I understand this may seem obvious or common sense but it made itself apparent several hundred times. One example and the one that means the most to me right now s the path I have taken in regards to Blakely & Eddie. I just feel bad inside for how I have handled the situation. I feel like a hipocrit for shunning them away as I did much worse of a thing than they did and I was forgiven quite quickly. It hurts me to be the way I am and thus I realize this path is not the right one. I also worry that I have hurt Blakely and Eddie, which I wanted badly at first but now realize I don't want to be remembered like that. I am not saying I am capable of making them hurt, but if I am..I completely do not want that anymore.
Blakely,
I feel if I am able to make amends with the girls of my past I can assuredly make amends with you. It will take time for me, but I miss you and don't want to ruin a relationship as friends with a person as unique as you. I had to stop talking to you to come to terms with the fact that we were not right for each other and I just had to fall out of love with you.
Eddie,
I don't want to not be your friend anymore. I was drunk the times I saw you because I couldn't be real about being okay with you. Now though, I want to make the effort to build a friendship up again. I want us to escape reality in Flagstaff again. I want to spill my guts to you because you are still the person I knew who helped me through insanity. What happened could have happened a different way but it didn't. All I want now is for you and Blakely to be sincerely happy. The greatest way you could accept my apology is by trying your hardest with Blakely and following through with the reason you got together in the first place. She is worth it and you know it. Never do what I did and push her away. Talk through everything even if you are upset. Be better to her than I was. I love you man.
That's it for now.
Blakely,
I feel if I am able to make amends with the girls of my past I can assuredly make amends with you. It will take time for me, but I miss you and don't want to ruin a relationship as friends with a person as unique as you. I had to stop talking to you to come to terms with the fact that we were not right for each other and I just had to fall out of love with you.
Eddie,
I don't want to not be your friend anymore. I was drunk the times I saw you because I couldn't be real about being okay with you. Now though, I want to make the effort to build a friendship up again. I want us to escape reality in Flagstaff again. I want to spill my guts to you because you are still the person I knew who helped me through insanity. What happened could have happened a different way but it didn't. All I want now is for you and Blakely to be sincerely happy. The greatest way you could accept my apology is by trying your hardest with Blakely and following through with the reason you got together in the first place. She is worth it and you know it. Never do what I did and push her away. Talk through everything even if you are upset. Be better to her than I was. I love you man.
That's it for now.