(no subject)

May 09, 2007 22:03

A friend of mine died of a heart attack yesterday. I just found out. A month ago my mother was visiting him in Washington, and now he's dead.

I'd like to say something eloquent right now, something that will make sense of his death. But the truth is that there are no words. What on earth do you say to somethng like this? That he lived a full life? That he was good to others? That he probably felt very little pain, and that it was over quickly? All true, and all beside the point. None of these things can diminish the fact that a decent, generous man is dead far too young.

Mostly I feel a sense of bewilderment. It has not, I think, fully sunk in that I'll never see him again. I understand it on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level I'm having a hard time processing the fact that someone I knew is simply gone. It's the randomness that makes it difficult, I think. If there was a reason for his death - he was old, he was risk-prone, he was terminally ill - I would be shocked and saddened but not struck by an overwhelming sense of unfairness. As it is, he died for no other reason than bad luck. Not because of something he did, not because of something someone else did to him, but because he happened to have had a weak heart, and it happened to give out one day.

There are no words. None at all. I can talk about who he was, and how I'm feeling right now, but I can't even begin to make sense of the why of it: Why him, why now. I can only say this: That he was a good man, that he was loved, and that he will be missed.
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