The Honest Truth
Roleplaying.
It's a wonderful hobby that I enjoy doing ever since I was a little girl. I was introduced to this wonderful world after I beated a game called Final Fantasy VII. My friend and I loved Cloud Strife and his adventures in the FFVII world. Also, we loved the rest of the male characters except for Hojo. When I was little, I hated Tifa and Aeris's guts because they both were unrealistic and too clingy to the main character. I loved Yuffie and I shipped Cloud with her because Yuffie was amazing. But Yuffie wasn't the first character that I ever roleplayed. The first canon character that I first roleplayed was Aeris/Aerith Gainsborough.
How did that happen? I won't tell the whole story because it's really long. Aeris/Aerith grew on me as a character because she was everything I wanted to be. I wanted to be kind, but have a backbone too. Aeris isn't the type to let anyone push her around and I wanted to be like that. Ever since I started school in the U.S., I was always bullied and picked on for many reasons, but I never had the backbone to stand up for myself. I didn't have many friends at school until I went to high school, but the bullying was mostly done by the girls in my classes. I don't know why people would bully me as a kid. I didn't do anything to offend them and I wasn't the type to argue over little things, either.
I guess I attract bullies to me. xD
The bullying in RL stopped ar my senior year of high school. I thought the bullying had stop for good, but I was wrong. The internet and roleplay forums was my only escape from my reality. I felt calm and had lots of fun whenever I sat down in front of the computer and roleplayed as my favorite characters like Aerith/Aeris, Misuzu, Tidus, Tomoya, and many others.
I've been roleplaying for ten years, debating anything FFVII related for eleven, and I've been learning how to read and write for just as long. I know I make a lot of mistakes in my grammar and spelling, but who doesn't? No one is perfect. No matter how good you know the rules and what not.
Six monthes ago, I began to roleplay at LJ because a friend of mine wanted me to join a game they were in, and I joined. It took me a while to learn the rules and how things are done, but I learned. My friend was a great help and I will always thank her.
I joined the game as Aerith Gainsborough because she was the muse I felt the most comfortable with. I began to roleplay and a group of people started to pm me in my account telling me that I was doing a good job. I was glad to hear it. Who isn't happy to hear any type of compliment?
Then the day that changed my life happened. The group of people that I talked to and roleplayed with did an 180 degree turn in attitude. They started to IM me and tell me that I sucked in roleplaying as Aerith. I was terrible and should leave the game. I always did ask them more about it because I wanted to improve, but they would block me. I didn't understand the situation until the very same group sent me an invite to group chat and told me that they hated me and my character and they didn't want me there anymore. I remember how they insulted and ganged up on me. I told a mod about it, but it turned out the mod was the one who caused it. She told me that I was stealing her Cloud from her character which I wasn't doing. Then she claimed that my Aerith wanted to keep all of the FFVII guys. I told her that I wasn't, so I was forced to make my Aerith ignore Cloud for her. The Cloud roleplayer found out and didn't like the way I was ignoring their character, so that person IMed me about it.
There was no pleasing anyone because I let Cloud and Aerith hang out, but the same group of roleplayers ganged up on me again. The next thing I know, the mod bans me from the game, and I left without complaint. I didn't want to cause any trouble.
I joined other games in LJ because this place was very addicting and I made one or two good friends in each game I was in, but the bullying would always come back. If it wasn't in roleplay secrets, then it was in anon secrets and other places. I always tried to stay low and not post much in dear_mun because everyone uses it. But I met more friends in dear_mun and continued to post like any other roleplayer would. Unfortunately, there are many roleplayers out there that I don't even know who hate me OOCly and attack my muses whenever they see them. I still don't understand what I did wrong to offend anyone until my friend told me about the comment they read on roleplay secrets because there was another negative secret about me. That friend told me it was another "grudge wank" against me, but it caused a lot commotion.
A lot of anons said I was a "know it all", "a loser", "a girl that doesn't know her place", and other things. They were all personal attacks against me until (different or the same) anons claimed that I think I'm the best Aerith roleplayer in LJ and I only roleplay as Aerith to get in Cloud and Zack's pants. Well, I like to defend myself and say that I have only paired my favorite threesome pairing once in one roleplay! The idea wasn't mine either. Both roleplayers asked me if I was comfortable with the idea of Aerith with both guys and we planned it. Right now, I'm in three other games, and I have one game that Aerith is ONLY with Zack because the last Aerith was dating him. My Aerith didn't jump into his arms at first sight, either. The process took time to do, but they did make it official in the end and they're still together. In another game, Aerith is alone and said no to dating Zack and she's only spoken to Cloud once because she doesn't know him. No. Aerith did not jump into his arms, either. Yes, she flirted and gave him compliments, but that's it. Aerith has always been a very friendly character especially to Cloud. I was playing her the way I interpret her as. And finally in another game, she's in a relationship with Zack, but we are working on a threesome pairing again. It's a work in progress and Aerith hasn't thrown herself at Cloud, but she does have feelings for him just like Zack does. Right now, she's faithful to Zack and will remain faithful to him. So no, she will not dump Zack for Cloud or suggest the two to have sex on the spot either. A lot of people that dislike me on LJ believe that I only pair the three together so I can write smut. I'm sorry to burst their bubble, but I don't do such thing. If smut happens, then it happens, but it won't always happen, either. I like to say that I am well balanced in that perspective because I admit that I am terrible in smut. xD
Now to those anons that are reading this and hate me -- I'm sorry that you hate or dislike me. I don't know what I've done wrong and if I offended you, then you should IM me or pm me about it. We could try to figure things out and it would help me work on my own personality as a person. If you hate the way I roleplay as any character, then I'm sorry. I only roleplay as my characters the way I saw or read them as in their corresponded world. All of my muses have an HMD (How's My Driving) post in them.
Anyone can post in them, IP log is off, and it is only seen by me.
If you want to tell me about what you think about the way I roleplay, then post there. I would really appreciate any type of advise and know where I should improve in. I don't believe I am the best roleplayer as so and so because no one is perfect. Heck. Even the creaters don't understand their own characters, either.
I would love to know if I'm doing a bad or good job and I also want to know if I need to improve in a certain area.
Here are the only active journals that I have --
engravedholly
Aeris Gainsborough - aeris_cetra
Misuzu Kamio - dreams_to_fly
Souji Seta - inaba_defemder
dystopian_flux
Aerith Gainsborough - pink_aerith
rpgthatneverwas
Aerith Gainsborough - pink_aerith
Tidus - zanarkand_star
They all have HMD posts ready for all comments - either good or bad. If you don't want to post in their journals, then you can comment in this journal too. I would really appreciate feedback from all of my cast mates of all my games too. I only want the honest truth and not the truth that I want to hear.
Please be honest and critique me!
I'm sorry if this post sounds self centered, but it wasn't the intention. I just want to solve a few issues and try to stop most of the attacks. I love roleplaying and has been a personal hobby of mine for years. I don't want to quit because a group of people hate me for whatever reasons.
I know there will always be bad comments said against one, but the situation I'm in is stressful.
The intention in this post is help me improve as a person, roleplayer, and know the reasons for so much hate.
Thank you for your time.
It's a wonderful hobby that I enjoy doing ever since I was a little girl. I was introduced to this wonderful world after I beated a game called Final Fantasy VII. My friend and I loved Cloud Strife and his adventures in the FFVII world. Also, we loved the rest of the male characters except for Hojo. When I was little, I hated Tifa and Aeris's guts because they both were unrealistic and too clingy to the main character. I loved Yuffie and I shipped Cloud with her because Yuffie was amazing. But Yuffie wasn't the first character that I ever roleplayed. The first canon character that I first roleplayed was Aeris/Aerith Gainsborough.
How did that happen? I won't tell the whole story because it's really long. Aeris/Aerith grew on me as a character because she was everything I wanted to be. I wanted to be kind, but have a backbone too. Aeris isn't the type to let anyone push her around and I wanted to be like that. Ever since I started school in the U.S., I was always bullied and picked on for many reasons, but I never had the backbone to stand up for myself. I didn't have many friends at school until I went to high school, but the bullying was mostly done by the girls in my classes. I don't know why people would bully me as a kid. I didn't do anything to offend them and I wasn't the type to argue over little things, either.
I guess I attract bullies to me. xD
The bullying in RL stopped ar my senior year of high school. I thought the bullying had stop for good, but I was wrong. The internet and roleplay forums was my only escape from my reality. I felt calm and had lots of fun whenever I sat down in front of the computer and roleplayed as my favorite characters like Aerith/Aeris, Misuzu, Tidus, Tomoya, and many others.
I've been roleplaying for ten years, debating anything FFVII related for eleven, and I've been learning how to read and write for just as long. I know I make a lot of mistakes in my grammar and spelling, but who doesn't? No one is perfect. No matter how good you know the rules and what not.
Six monthes ago, I began to roleplay at LJ because a friend of mine wanted me to join a game they were in, and I joined. It took me a while to learn the rules and how things are done, but I learned. My friend was a great help and I will always thank her.
I joined the game as Aerith Gainsborough because she was the muse I felt the most comfortable with. I began to roleplay and a group of people started to pm me in my account telling me that I was doing a good job. I was glad to hear it. Who isn't happy to hear any type of compliment?
Then the day that changed my life happened. The group of people that I talked to and roleplayed with did an 180 degree turn in attitude. They started to IM me and tell me that I sucked in roleplaying as Aerith. I was terrible and should leave the game. I always did ask them more about it because I wanted to improve, but they would block me. I didn't understand the situation until the very same group sent me an invite to group chat and told me that they hated me and my character and they didn't want me there anymore. I remember how they insulted and ganged up on me. I told a mod about it, but it turned out the mod was the one who caused it. She told me that I was stealing her Cloud from her character which I wasn't doing. Then she claimed that my Aerith wanted to keep all of the FFVII guys. I told her that I wasn't, so I was forced to make my Aerith ignore Cloud for her. The Cloud roleplayer found out and didn't like the way I was ignoring their character, so that person IMed me about it.
There was no pleasing anyone because I let Cloud and Aerith hang out, but the same group of roleplayers ganged up on me again. The next thing I know, the mod bans me from the game, and I left without complaint. I didn't want to cause any trouble.
I joined other games in LJ because this place was very addicting and I made one or two good friends in each game I was in, but the bullying would always come back. If it wasn't in roleplay secrets, then it was in anon secrets and other places. I always tried to stay low and not post much in dear_mun because everyone uses it. But I met more friends in dear_mun and continued to post like any other roleplayer would. Unfortunately, there are many roleplayers out there that I don't even know who hate me OOCly and attack my muses whenever they see them. I still don't understand what I did wrong to offend anyone until my friend told me about the comment they read on roleplay secrets because there was another negative secret about me. That friend told me it was another "grudge wank" against me, but it caused a lot commotion.
A lot of anons said I was a "know it all", "a loser", "a girl that doesn't know her place", and other things. They were all personal attacks against me until (different or the same) anons claimed that I think I'm the best Aerith roleplayer in LJ and I only roleplay as Aerith to get in Cloud and Zack's pants. Well, I like to defend myself and say that I have only paired my favorite threesome pairing once in one roleplay! The idea wasn't mine either. Both roleplayers asked me if I was comfortable with the idea of Aerith with both guys and we planned it. Right now, I'm in three other games, and I have one game that Aerith is ONLY with Zack because the last Aerith was dating him. My Aerith didn't jump into his arms at first sight, either. The process took time to do, but they did make it official in the end and they're still together. In another game, Aerith is alone and said no to dating Zack and she's only spoken to Cloud once because she doesn't know him. No. Aerith did not jump into his arms, either. Yes, she flirted and gave him compliments, but that's it. Aerith has always been a very friendly character especially to Cloud. I was playing her the way I interpret her as. And finally in another game, she's in a relationship with Zack, but we are working on a threesome pairing again. It's a work in progress and Aerith hasn't thrown herself at Cloud, but she does have feelings for him just like Zack does. Right now, she's faithful to Zack and will remain faithful to him. So no, she will not dump Zack for Cloud or suggest the two to have sex on the spot either. A lot of people that dislike me on LJ believe that I only pair the three together so I can write smut. I'm sorry to burst their bubble, but I don't do such thing. If smut happens, then it happens, but it won't always happen, either. I like to say that I am well balanced in that perspective because I admit that I am terrible in smut. xD
Now to those anons that are reading this and hate me -- I'm sorry that you hate or dislike me. I don't know what I've done wrong and if I offended you, then you should IM me or pm me about it. We could try to figure things out and it would help me work on my own personality as a person. If you hate the way I roleplay as any character, then I'm sorry. I only roleplay as my characters the way I saw or read them as in their corresponded world. All of my muses have an HMD (How's My Driving) post in them.
Anyone can post in them, IP log is off, and it is only seen by me.
If you want to tell me about what you think about the way I roleplay, then post there. I would really appreciate any type of advise and know where I should improve in. I don't believe I am the best roleplayer as so and so because no one is perfect. Heck. Even the creaters don't understand their own characters, either.
I would love to know if I'm doing a bad or good job and I also want to know if I need to improve in a certain area.
Here are the only active journals that I have --
engravedholly
Aeris Gainsborough - aeris_cetra
Misuzu Kamio - dreams_to_fly
Souji Seta - inaba_defemder
dystopian_flux
Aerith Gainsborough - pink_aerith
rpgthatneverwas
Aerith Gainsborough - pink_aerith
Tidus - zanarkand_star
They all have HMD posts ready for all comments - either good or bad. If you don't want to post in their journals, then you can comment in this journal too. I would really appreciate feedback from all of my cast mates of all my games too. I only want the honest truth and not the truth that I want to hear.
Please be honest and critique me!
I'm sorry if this post sounds self centered, but it wasn't the intention. I just want to solve a few issues and try to stop most of the attacks. I love roleplaying and has been a personal hobby of mine for years. I don't want to quit because a group of people hate me for whatever reasons.
I know there will always be bad comments said against one, but the situation I'm in is stressful.
The intention in this post is help me improve as a person, roleplayer, and know the reasons for so much hate.
Thank you for your time.