LongLog is Loooong [COMPLETE]

[deinxxrazer]

Characters: Razer and Herz
Location: Deck 3, in the Sauna.
Date: September 16th/17th. LATE night.
Rating: PG-13 for...Razer EXISTING.

……

Razer hadn’t gone more than a week without practicing his kicking sets in three years, and didn’t intend to break that record any time soon. Sure, he could have practiced in his room, cloistered away from the rest of the ship, but…if there was a gym, why not use it?

Not that the gym seemed widely used, mind you, considering it was empty. That was all right, though; less people to stare, considering he had his jacket off. His tattoos were surprising enough to people back home, he didn’t really want to know what all these roundears thought of them.

He just claimed a punching bag off in the corner, or as close to the corner as he could get, in case anyone did come in. Razer took a deep breath, loosened his stance, then all too easily fell into position and started his practice.

Up down turn up up up down over-it came easily enough to begin with, but as he practiced the movements became smoother, easier; the more he settled into his own weight, the almost imperceptible rocking of the ship, even the position and density of the punching bag, the easier each move was to complete. He moved on to used his fists now and then, elbows and the hard surface of his back, joint by joint his body remembered it was a weapon, and muscle by muscle it reaccepted that fact.

And it was almost fun. It was definitely comfortable, even when his muscles eventually started to protest, weapon worn and done for the night. A glance at the clock proved that it had been over an hour.

He wondered if anyone had come in. He’d been rather focused…

Razer reached up and raked back his hair, wiping sweat from his brow, and heaved a sigh. Hit the showers, then maybe hit the sauna. Being born in an area that seemed to have more clouds and snow than it did sky and ground made him rather fond of warm places…

……

In his defense, Herz had been in the sauna for a good long while when Razer showed up-not as long as Razer had been playing war with a punching bag, maybe, but long enough to decide that the liked it. A lot.

…Even if it did require he strip down to nothing but a towel. Hey, at least this time he wasn’t going to have to traverse four decks to find something to wear; his clothes were folded safely and tucked into a locker in the men’s room just outside the sauna. And he was alone in here, which was even nicer.

And to be honest, Herz preferred to wear as little clothing as he could possibly get away with; a preference created half because of the hot weather back home and half because it was a rare thing for him to find clothes that fit properly anyway, and if he wasn’t wearing them it didn’t matter. His only problem was…well, his usual problem.

Other people.

He jerked a little and turned when the door to the sauna opened-seemingly on cue-and one of those terrible other people moved into the steam-fogged room.

But no, it couldn’t just be any other person, of course not. Herz thought for a second that he would have preferred the weirdo with metallic eyes over this-but the thought was quickly pushed away, because that would probably have been hella scary. Batou was intimidating enough with all his clothes on, thanks.

Of course, so was Razer.

Without them, he was something else entirely and Herz really didn’t want to think about what the exact word was.

Razer blinked and tilted his head a little, looking across the way at Herz. After a minute, he gave a level, “Hello.” Just a simple, harmless, polite greeting.

But apparently more than enough to make Herz flatten himself back against the wall. He just stammered, incoherent, for several seconds before finally managing to form somewhat understandable words.

“W-What-What’re you doin’ in-in here?!”

“…Being warm?” Razer grinned a little, blue hand-he had a blue hand, what the hell-moving up to perch on his hip. “What, do you have a special reserve on the sauna for tonight? Is no one allowed in here but you? Should I have made a reservation?”

Herz swallowed. “N-No, just-” He paused for a long second, then gave his head a firm shake. “No.”

Razer waved his untattooed hand. “You can stay in your seat, then, provided you don’t mind a little company.” He took a seat directly across from Herz, adjusted his towel and closed his eyes, comfortable. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

Herz’s eyes narrowed just a little, a scowl settling in. “I-I kinda duh-do mind.” He rose to his feet, wrapping his own towel tighter.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Razer held up both hands and shook his head lightly. “I’m just here because it’s warm.”

Herz just looked at him for a minute, from his mismatched hands to his bright green eyes, and couldn’t help but feel there was at least some sincerity in there. Maybe not much, but enough for this. Hopefully.

“N-No-No funny business?”

“…What kind of ‘funny business’ have I ever pulled with you, really?” The older man grinned, flashing perfect white teeth. “Last I recall, one of the first things I did when I met you was lend you my jacket to keep you from being completely naked.”

Razer knew Herz wouldn’t understand what a big thing that was, but it needed mentioning anyway. Maybe he hadn’t always been polite, but in the week since at least the two of them arrived he hadn’t been too bad.

“A-After being a-a total jackass,” Herz responded.

“First-impression personality clash,” Razer explained with a dismissive wave of his blue hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

Herz gave him a Look. Probably one he’d inherited from his mother, all flat and annoyed. “Y-You haven’t changed.”

Now Razer smiled; it was obviously different from the grin Herz had seen before, softer and brighter, the kind of smile that would make some people swoon a little.

…But not Herz, of course. Not at all.

“Not really, no,” Razer stated cheerfully. “But you haven’t seen me in-person enough to decide just what you think of me.”

“I-I-” Herz swallowed and lowered his voice, averting his eyes. “I don’t need tuh-to, I-I don’t think.” He did finally sit back down, though. It was nice in here, he wasn’t going to let Razer run him out. He’d just ignore him the whole time.

Razer relaxed again, resettling into his seat across from Herz. “I think you do,” he stated plainly, then leaned his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and gave a contented sigh.

Herz ignored him.

And…pulled his legs closer together.

As if in response, Razer stretched and made a low noise in the back of his throat. He had been practicing before, after all, he was going to be a little bit stiff for a while yet. The grunt trailed into a sigh as he relaxed, comfortable again.

Herz, on the other hand, just shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Razer looked at him for a second-not that Herz was looking back-before deciding that this silence was closer to awkward than it was to comfortable.

“So, how are you handling things?”

Herz jerked and turned to look at him again. “W-What?”

“You didn’t seem to be adjusting very well,” he explained. “How are you doing?”

Herz just looked at him for a second, then away again. “O…O-Okay.”

Razer smiled again. “‘Okay’ is better than frantic, so I suppose that’s an improvement.”

“Yeah. I…I-I guess.”

“Would you rather it wasn’t an improvement?” Razer asked, quirking one fine eyebrow.

Herz shook his head. “No-No, I-I didn’t say thuh-that.”

“You just don’t like it here.”

It wasn’t a question, but considering this was Razer talking Herz figured he was expected to answer anyway. “N-No,” he said after a minute, eyes casting downward. “Not really.”

“Why not?”

Herz looked up just a little, through his hair. His tone was incredulous. “B-Be…sides th-the fact it’s crazy?”

Hell, “crazy” didn’t come close. But…it was more than that. He missed being where things made sense, where tattooed not-human things weren’t hitting on him all the time, sure, but that wasn’t really it.

Herz thought he could get locked in a different room every day and be just fine if he could just talk to his family in the interim.

He missed his parents, missed making dinner with his mother and borrowing books from his dad. He missed the excitement of finding a letter from his brother in the mailbox, missed being anxious for when he’d be coming home from Iraq.

Herz missed being home.

“You aren’t used to strange happenings, then.” Razer chuckled a little, well aware of how much of an understatement that must have been. “But it really isn’t that bad, is it? You’ve made some friends.” He smiled. “River?”

Herz was quiet for a long second, longer than he had been before. “N-No one…” He trailed off, then shook his head almost imperceptibly. “N-Never mind.”

Razer arched his eyebrows. “‘No one’…?”

“None of-o-of your business.”

“Obviously, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to ask.”

Herz glowered at the floor, wondering if Razer knew what it meant for something to be none of his business.

Razer tilted his head slightly, expression turning almost serious-when he spoke there was none of the amusement Herz had come to recognize in his voice. He knew Herz missed his parents, he’d heard the broadcast, and that wasn’t anything to be amused by. Nonetheless, he wasn’t going to feel any better about being here if he kept hiding off inside his own head.

“You should work on being more talkative,” he said smoothly, trying to draw him out again. “You have a nice voice, you really should use it more.”

Herz’s expression deepened. He wasn’t very well going to take the advice of some prick that just wanted into his pants, no matter how nicely he phrased it. “W-Why do you care?”

Again Razer tilted his head, curious. “What do you mean?”

“H-How I-I act and-and speak. It-It’s none of your business. At-At all.”

He smiled again. “I like the sound of your voice, that’s all.”

Herz looked away, grinding his teeth and refusing to accept the way that sent a faint shock through him. He just wasn’t used to being complimented, that’s all. He got the same thing from Lily’s compliments, really. Really.

“W…W-Whatever.”

“Hey, you asked.” The amusement was back again.

“I-I know.” He was awkward, not stupid.

Razer grinned. “So what kind of answer were you expecting?”

“I…” Herz lowered his eyes even further. “I d-dunno.”

Razer chuckled again, leaning forward to put his elbow on one leg and lean his chin in his hand. “You just like setting yourself up to be offended.”

“That-” Herz looked away again his tone of voice softened from the initial snappish response. “T-That’s not true.” He lowered his voice and almost scowled, the expression seeming to sharpen the notches carved into his face. “It-It’s not my fault e-everything you suh-say sounds like you’re just…t-trying t-to get me t-to sleep wi-with-with you.”

Razer pursed his lips slightly in thought before responding. “So what, you don’t want me saying what I like about you? Even if you’re as completely heterosexual as you claim, you should take it as a compliment. You are just so attractive even other men like you.”

Herz’s initial response was to stare. Just…stare. His mouth worked wordlessly for a long second before he finally forced out a high, “W-Wait, what?”

Razer sighed and sat back again. “Oh never mind.” He still sounded almost amused, though. “I think I could sit here all day telling you how pretty your hair is and how much I like the color of your skin, and all you would ever give me in return is a stuttered ‘wait, what?’”

This time Herz blinked. Twice, even. And this time his tone wasn’t high and confused, it was downright incredulous. “M-Maybe-Maybe cuh-cuz-‘cause you don’t m-make sense!”

“What do you mean? I make fine sense-perhaps you simply aren’t listening right.”

“…M-Maybe you should…j-just stop talking,” Herz suggested. Not that he thought Razer could listen, but he could hope. He was getting sick of Razer’s voice, the way it picked up in the middle and thickened on his r’s and-

And why the hell was he even thinking any of this?!

“Why?” Razer queried, again tilting his head in interest, almost catlike. He could go on like this all night.

“B-Because I-” Herz broke off, took a breath. Then he looked away. “N-Never mind.”

But Razer looked genuinely curious, his inhumanly long ears perked slightly. “Because you what?”

God he was getting sick of all this parroting back. The only way to get Razer to shut up, Herz decided was to say something he didn’t want to hear. Like over the network earlier that day.

…Not that that had particularly worked, but he backed off eventually, right? And there was always a chance it would work better in person.

“I-I…” He looked away and tried to think of something, a good reason he didn’t want Razer talking. One that the jackass couldn’t turn around on him. “I-I hate your-your voice. S-So…so there.” The last part was a little childish, sure, but what could Razer do with that?

In response, Razer just looked at him for a moment. Up and down, eyes narrowing, expression intense and scrutinizing; the way a jeweler checked a gemstone for flaws. “Do you really?”

Without looking at him, Herz nodded.

Razer’s voice shifted to match his expression. “Herz.”

Finally, he looked up at him, once again through the thick cloak of his hair.

“You mean that?” His gaze was no less intent for this question than it had been thus far.

Herz felt almost as though he was a book being read. And felt bad for books, at least for the moment it took for him to look away. “Y-Yeah.”

Razer smiled again, voice low. “No you don’t.” Herz had been easy enough to read every time they ran into each other thus far, this was no exception. If anything, it was easier right now than normal, considering what close quarters they were in.

Oh god this guy was an asshole. Like he got to decide that? Like he got to say if Herz did or didn’t hate his voice?

Like he could tell?

“H-How-How d’you know?” He tried to make it sound like he was questioning Razer’s judgment, like he was obviously wrong and an idiot for thinking he could be anything else…but more or less failed. He just sounded kind of shaky.

And now was a chance for Razer to explain his skills. It was an art, really; it took years of honing and practice and was never really appreciated for the wonder it was.

“The first time you said it, before you looked at me, you sort of curled the toes on your feet in, clenched your hands a little, and then held perfectly still. You cringed, albeit just slightly, and there’s no reason to have done that if you meant what you said. You didn’t steel yourself to state a fact, you tensed to present a lie.”

He spoke matter-of-factly, as though his word was beyond all contestation. And, really, it was. Razer knew a lie when he saw one; he’d had far too many years learning how to recognize the miniscule movements a person made when they said one thing but meant another, when they said nothing but meant something specific, when they said so much and meant too little.

“After you looked at me and agreed again,” he continued easily, looking straight at Herz’s face-and dear Makers if the boy couldn’t gape-“your eyes cast to the left. If you were telling the truth they would have cast to the right, provided you aren’t trained out of the habit. Also, the muscle along your jaw tensed inward instead of upward; the way it does when you wince, not when you set your jaw to declare your honesty.”

Razer leaned forward and put his chin in his hand again, smiling brightly. “I’ve been studying people for a very long time-I had to, for my job-and you keep giving all these little cues that are rather easy to read.”

Herz continued to gape for several seconds after Razer finished, just staring with his mouth partly open, unable to believe what he’d just been told.

“W-What-What the hell!” He spat at last. “You’re-Y-You’re making that-that up! What-W-What does-does-d-does looking to-to the left have t-to-to do with anything?!”

“It’s in accordance to the portion of your brain you access when you are fabricating something,” Razer explained. “Even a miniscule shift can prove a lie where everyone else thought there was truth.”

True, it didn’t always work. But on a person with no training in the realms of deceit and very little skill in speaking to begin with it tended to be accurate enough. It certainly seemed to work on Herz, given his reaction. Poor thing was neck-deep in denial, and given his height that was a lot to refuse to accept.

“Th-That…” Herz swallowed, outright glaring now. Forget scowling and glowering, this bastard deserved a glare. “Th-That’s bullshuh-shit.”

“I can prove it.” Razer waved his free hand toward Herz, back and forth between them. “Face me-look straight at me and I’ll ask you a question. Answer it however you like, and I’ll tell you if you are or aren’t lying.”

Herz ground his teeth. “S-Screw this!” He stood, making sure his towel was staying where he needed it to, and moved to leave. He did not have to put up with this crap, no way.

Razer jumped up to block the door. “Please,” he urged. “If I really am making this up, won’t this prove it?” And if he could prove otherwise, it would hopefully be enough to keep him from refuting every single thing Razer ever said.

“I-I don’t really care!” Herz replied, taking a step sideways. “I duh-d-don’t-don’t even wanna talk to you!” And he didn’t-not even a little. Talking to Razer was trouble, always; it made him think things he shouldn’t be thinking and want to do things no one ever should have wanted to. The longer he was around him, the more often it happened. He had to leave.

“If you didn’t care, you would most certainly not be this distraught,” Razer countered.

Herz thought he winced, but couldn’t be sure. He hoped not. Wincing in reply to a statement like that would send all the wrong signals.

“M-Move. Please.” His tone was even and determined.

Razer, of course, used the exact same tone. “Sit down. Please.” Then he added, more quietly and with the barest hint of a smirk, “Before I end up losing my towel trying to stop you. Unless you would prefer that.”

Oh that wasn’t fair. Herz’s eyes widened, face suddenly so much hotter than the air around him, cheeks flushed bright red save for the slashes of his scars-into the bottommost of which he fit one canine, tooth digging into the notch in his lower lip.

Razer just grinned and waved a hand. “Have a seat. You can leave once we finish our discussion.”

Herz’s eyes narrowed further, into a glare that would do his mother proud. It didn’t last, though, flickering into something far less certain, even halfhearted. He backed up to the closest ledge-very much not where he’d been sitting before-and sat down. He broke eye contact after that, just sitting there fuming.

After reaching down to fix his towel, Razer leaned back against the doorframe and folded his arms. “You have to look at me for this to work, you know.”

“I-I don’t wanna do this,” Herz replied. “I wanna leave.”

“Why don’t you want to do it? If you’re right, I’ll fail miserably and you’ll know I was making everything up.”

“I-I don’t care!”

Razer took a breath, tone serious. “If I fail miserably…I’ll leave you alone.”

Now Herz looked at him again, expression flat. Right, like he was going to believe that…

“I will,” Razer assured him. “But only if you prove me wrong.” He arched one eyebrow and smiled. “Fair?”

“No.”

“I think it’s perfectly fair.”

It was, really-if he was wrong after all, unlikely as that was, he was promising Herz he’d leave him be. If he was correct, as he was fairly certain, then Herz wouldn’t have any right to keep acting as though Razer was fabricating everything he said.

“Of-Of course you do.”

He cast his eyes sideways, brow creasing slightly. “You don’t like the idea of me leaving you alone?” He looked back, curious. “Or…do you know that you aren’t going to be able to prove me wrong and simply aren’t willing to admit it just yet?”

Herz scowled at the floor. “Y-You’re the-the one making the ruh-rules.”

“Only because you refuse to admit you’re playing the game.”

He ground his teeth again as his head snapped up to look at Razer again, more frustrated than angry but barely even willing to accept that much. “It-It wouldn’t muh-matter!” He yelled. “I know how-how shit like th-this works. Y-You’d be right. N-No matter what.”

His eyes cast back to the floor and his voice dropped with them. “So-So the whole ‘I’ll leave you a-alone, promise’ is-is just a load of bullshit.”

This was just getting ridiculous. “What do you mean you know how it works? It isn’t a trick, Herz, it’s a physical manifestation of a mental action. You don’t believe me, so I’m trying to prove it.”

“It-It’s your word against muh-mine, though. And you’re g-gonna-gonna keep saying you’re right.”

“You will know if I’m right or not. It is not my word against yours, it is me having faith in your honesty for once.” He leaned down a little, closer to Herz’s eye-level, and his tone turned almost plaintive. “The questions will be simple, even basic. Nothing about what you think of me. I promise.”

Herz just kept his ire focused on the floor until the silence felt almost deafening. Nothing was going to change if he didn’t speak; both he and Razer knew it.

“And-And you won’t l-l-let me leave until y-you’ve asked ‘em, right?”

Razer chuckled. “Pretty much.” To be fair, he wouldn’t honestly keep Herz here. If he tried to move past him now, he would only keep him for a moment before letting him go.

If Herz really wanted to leave, enough to try it, Razer wouldn’t stop him.

“F-Figures,” Herz muttered.

“You could try to get past me if you really wanted to, but I assume you are not exactly eager to have me lose my towel trying to catch you.” He shrugged. No threat of violence, just a reminder that he was very naked under this length of white terrycloth.

That was all he needed, apparently.

The flush in Herz’s cheeks deepened. “Th-The…most dangerous man on-on the planet?” He murmured, echoing Razer’s statement from a full week ago. “N-No way.”

He scratched his scarred cheek and looked sullen. He wondered just how wrong it was that he was more worried about Razer losing that towel than the possibility of being hurt by him in the struggle.

Mismatched hands moved to his knees, Razer leaned and looked at Herz. “So will you let me prove I wasn’t making anything up when I said I could tell you don’t really hate my voice?”

Odd that such a simple statement, one tiny lie, could put them at such an impasse.

“I-I don’t have a-a choice.”

Razer sighed a little, because he most certainly did, but left him to grasp that on his own. “Look at me, then.”

Herz did so with obvious reluctance, dark eyes focused straight at Razer’s forehead. It would do.

“All right; just answer yes or no, and answer as honestly or dishonestly as you like.” He mused for a minute on what to ask, something that could amount to a solid stream of simple questions. “…Do you have any siblings?”

He was giving Herz that book-reading look again, and it took all Herz could muster not to just look away at the sheer feeling.

“No?”

Razer smiled. “Yes.” He arched his eyebrows. “A…sister?”

“…No.”

“A brother then,” Razer stated. “Younger than you?”

Herz swallowed-he’d caught the lies so far, but that wasn’t proof that he could tell the difference. He was just lucky, that was all. The truth would mess him up for sure. “No.”

Razer’s smile broadened a little. “An older brother. Are you very close?”

It took a great deal of self-control to keep from making a face when Razer was right again. “Y-Yeah.”

“Good for you!” He responded brightly, that smile of his bumping up a notch in brightness.

Herz wondered if he could light a darkened room with that thing.

…See, this was the kind of thought that Herz had when he was around Razer. Weird thought, didn’t belong there, what the hell self, Mom would slap you.

“Do you believe me yet?” When Herz’s only response was to look away again, hiding once more in his hair, Razer gave a quiet strain of laughter. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say that would be a yes.”

Herz just bit his lower lip again and glowered at the floor. “I-It’s not hard t-to-to guess,” he mumbled.

Razer angled his head downward to look at Herz through his eyelashes. “This, of course, means that you don’t hate my voice. Right?”

“Buh-B-Believe w-whatever you wanna buh-believe.”

He sighed and straightened. “And you’ll keep believing I’m just making it all up?”

…That wasn’t worth answering. He’d done what Razer asked, he was done. “C-Can I go now?”

Razer waved a hand toward the door, but didn’t move to get out of the way. “If you like.” Herz gave him an almost anxious look, and Razer arched his eyebrows again in inquiry.

“W-Would you move outta the-the way?”

With a light shrug, Razer took a half-step to the right. Enough for Herz to get the door open, at least. Apparently the younger man thought this was good enough, because he adjusted his towel and got to his feet, moving to step past Razer and grab the doorhandle.

Razer, however, being Razer, had one last thing to say. And he had to be sure it would make an impression. So he grabbed the younger man by the arm, turned him around, and pressed him back up against the door, leaning almost flush against him.

And he was more than a little pleased at just how easy it was to tell Herz’s reaction to the contact.

He flushed bright red, from his forehead down to just below his collarbone, his breath caught in his throat and suddenly, quite sharply, the steam felt cold compared to his own skin.

Razer’s voice was low, bordering on husky. “I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re being…” He leaned in, thin lips up against Herz’s scarred cheek, breath seemingly hot enough to burn. His voice dropped to a whisper. “…silly.”

Then, just as quickly, he let go. Razer turned and moved off to sit on the other side of the sauna, while Herz found himself sliding down the door, completely stunned. His skin felt cold now where Razer had been pressed against him, lacking his body heat, and everywhere else felt way too hot to be healthy.

Razer waved and spoke in a singsong tone. “Talk to you later…”

The words made Herz blink, everything spiraling back into sudden, searing focus. He watched the way the muscles in Razer’s back moved and shifted under dyed skin, the fire seeming to lick higher up his neck and over his shoulder as he lowered his hand again.

With the realization of just how much he liked watching that, Herz felt as though a rock had been dropped into his stomach. He scrambled to his feet and out the door as fast as he possibly could, leaving Razer to sit and just smile, looking far too pleased with himself to be the man who had just set the entire world to falling down around Herz’s ears.

……