So sick, so sick of being tired.
Updating this has become a thing of the past...but I think it's about that time now. Pete, you may be the only one who reads this anymore, but even so, it's nice to know how I was feeling on May 27, 2005. @ 12:02 am.
School is overrated. I thought it would be a reaaaal good idea to take three spring courses and get Mott taken care of. Sure, it will be nice come June 27, if I pass. It just kills me to be sitting in a class when its gorgeous outside. It's really physically draining too. I'm just about the least motivated person I know when it comes to this stuff.
Cruise West has in contact with me alot. As it stands, I will be leaving in early July as long as I pass my drug test. Oh, and I also have to confirm my social security # since a Carlos Rosas of Brooklyn seems to have taken mine. That's not scary or anything. I'm really starting to feel...Whoa... about doing this. It came up fast. I think it is what I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like forever. I just don't want to be tired and draggin ass on this ship for 3 months. With no escape.
I seem to change boys as much as I change underwear. Right now, I found myself a new pair. They are fun and nice and most of all, comfortable. And I think they could be really good for me as long as I don't freak out and throw them away. But I just dont know if they give me that wonderful fluttery feeling. Maybe it's too soon to tell. Or maybe I am just scared to find out. (I hope you understand the metaphors and don't think I have an panty fetish.)
Things at my house are quiet, but I wouldn't say better. I still want out, and bad. I dunno how much longer I can pretend to ignore things. I don't want to be angry and resentful towards my parents. It's not who I am. But it's so hard not to look down upon them, as terrible as that sounds. I mean who am I to judge? But they are my parents, my teachers, my role models. They are supposed to be, in a word, perfect. It's still so hard to understand, even at this age, that they have problems too, problems that may be bigger than them. And I have to learn to accept that and love them regardless. I do love them. But selfish as it is, I just want them to want to be better.
"The harbor is still,
the silence is screaming.
Dreams seized untasted,
beckoning them nearer.
Water is deep,
an endless circle;
the pattern cannot cease,
for someone is waiting.
Anticipating.
The demise.
I can see it in your eyes.
Clear,
transparent,
still as an empty harbor,
endlessly gaurding deep waters.
Striving,
yet hopelessly failing to protect
your daughters."
<3 Sarah <3
School is overrated. I thought it would be a reaaaal good idea to take three spring courses and get Mott taken care of. Sure, it will be nice come June 27, if I pass. It just kills me to be sitting in a class when its gorgeous outside. It's really physically draining too. I'm just about the least motivated person I know when it comes to this stuff.
Cruise West has in contact with me alot. As it stands, I will be leaving in early July as long as I pass my drug test. Oh, and I also have to confirm my social security # since a Carlos Rosas of Brooklyn seems to have taken mine. That's not scary or anything. I'm really starting to feel...Whoa... about doing this. It came up fast. I think it is what I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like forever. I just don't want to be tired and draggin ass on this ship for 3 months. With no escape.
I seem to change boys as much as I change underwear. Right now, I found myself a new pair. They are fun and nice and most of all, comfortable. And I think they could be really good for me as long as I don't freak out and throw them away. But I just dont know if they give me that wonderful fluttery feeling. Maybe it's too soon to tell. Or maybe I am just scared to find out. (I hope you understand the metaphors and don't think I have an panty fetish.)
Things at my house are quiet, but I wouldn't say better. I still want out, and bad. I dunno how much longer I can pretend to ignore things. I don't want to be angry and resentful towards my parents. It's not who I am. But it's so hard not to look down upon them, as terrible as that sounds. I mean who am I to judge? But they are my parents, my teachers, my role models. They are supposed to be, in a word, perfect. It's still so hard to understand, even at this age, that they have problems too, problems that may be bigger than them. And I have to learn to accept that and love them regardless. I do love them. But selfish as it is, I just want them to want to be better.
"The harbor is still,
the silence is screaming.
Dreams seized untasted,
beckoning them nearer.
Water is deep,
an endless circle;
the pattern cannot cease,
for someone is waiting.
Anticipating.
The demise.
I can see it in your eyes.
Clear,
transparent,
still as an empty harbor,
endlessly gaurding deep waters.
Striving,
yet hopelessly failing to protect
your daughters."
<3 Sarah <3