I am at ease in the arms of my father
Its a lovely monday afternoon, around 5:30, and i've been awake since 2:00 this morning. Fending off the urge to fall over and sleep right now, I am surfing about on the computer for the first time in months. Staring blankly into the emotionless, hypnotic screen, Amos Lee plays on my Windows Media Player, and emotion surges through by body. I want to write, pour out my guts, reflect on my life. Yesterday I came home from the most life changing experience I've ever encountered. Two days of plane flights and a seven hour time difference has given me a lot of quiet, alone time to ponder. I spent 11 days in Ukraine, working with orphans, and I came to the abrupt realization of why people devote their entire lives helping those who can't help themselves, and spreading the pure, sheer love of God. I know that it is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. God has spoken to me so much in this past year, and helped me through many of my problems. I've discovered what it really means to have a relationship with God, and to release my burdens and sins to him. I've broken some serious bondage, and handed God problems I've struggled with for years. I've learned what it feels like to truly be happy, thankful and joyful. And God has pruned my heart to the point where it only feels love; joyful love for what blessings i've been given, brokenhearted love for the world and the people who need the love of God, and love for my God, who has saved me from the dark existance I used to call my life. I've learned how to cry, how to feel, how to let others into my heart. As I worked with and built relationship with children who don't know love, but only rejection, I felt so much pain. Pain for these children and teenagers who fear; fear life in itself. Pain that these beautiful faces should be told that they are the scum of the earth. Pain that these children already have a greater chance of falling into drug addiction, crime, prostitution, or sex slavery than of getting a job and being able to provide for themselves. I want to tell every child on this earth that they have a chance to change. To break the oppression, to make a difference, to succed. I want so badly to finish school and live abroad, helping people and spreading God's love. I want to devote my whole life to others, even if it involves living off of Ramen and no heat. I want to end some of the suffering that we ignorant Americans close our eyes to. And here I am rambling...not even updating on my life; just ranting about my longings again. Well I am completely exhausted considering it is 12:45am for me. I just want to sleep, but I must get back on schedule!