Terrific Transformation.
My NYSSMA score wasn't high enough to make it into All-State choir next year (97 out of 100... can you believe that's not high enough? And can you also believe FOUR people in my choir got 100s this year and I was the ONLY one to get 100 last year? Hope they have fun at All-State) so I'm definitely not looking forward to getting the rejection letter in the mail later this summer. If they even send one... I'd prefer they didn't. Anyway, there was something that happened at All-State this past December that I neglected to address in here before. It doesn't even have anything to do with singing. I still carry it with me.
My roommates Rachel and Gina were really really nice, and because the only other girl from my school wasn't a good friend of mine, I would follow Rachel around like a lost puppy wherever she went. Once I felt like Rachel and her friends were getting tired of me, I tagged along with Gina. The second night I was there, I started to feel confused and uncomfortable because I was convinced that they both found me annoying and helpless. Around that time my crush was texting me every night, and that night he hadn't texted me yet so I texted him first, not wanting to break the streak. He's a great listener, so I decided to vent about the situation with my roommates and hoped I didn't sound too whiny. I told him how I felt alone and how I was convinced that I annoyed them and that they were purposefully trying to avoid me (which, at least to my current knowledge, was just my dramatization.)
He texted back one simple sentence:
"Why should you care what they think, anyway?"
And then it hit me. I'd been told loads of times before, hell, I've even told other people, not to worry about what other people think of me. But I guess what my friend says is true, "You listen to the ones you like, and only then does it mean something." I felt stupid for not realizing this before, so for the remaining days in Rochester, yeah, I was careful not to overstep my boundaries with Rachel and Gina, but I started to let loose and have more fun.
I now know what an amazing experience that weekend was, not only for me musically, but personally. I think that's really why I was so devastated when I didn't qualify for All-State this coming fall. I think I took the experience for granted, even though while I was there I really enjoyed myself. But at least now, whenever I'm out and feeling vulnerable, all I have to do is wonder why I should care and I can instantly feel better about myself, left to strut it out and feel comfortable and confident in my skin. It may seem like a small change, and especially a small event that caused this change, but I really feel like a new person now. I can walk around and really feel like I mean everything I say and do. Hopefully I can shine a little light for someone else in the process, too.
...Oh, and in case you're wondering, the boy is (still) just a friend. I'm on to bigger and better things now ;)
http://www.modcloth.com/
http://blog.modcloth.com/2009-07-09-announcing-the-terrific-transformations-contest?=6_9_transformations