So this is the new year...
...and I feel a little different.
Yes, I know those aren't the words.
So far, I do have a few (realistic; I begrudingly decided to scratch "acquire a cotton candy-colored unicorn" off of my list) resolutions for this year that I plan to keep. My first is to be assertive. Once you get to know me, I can be a pretty outgoing person. Even if you don't know me, I can get loud and obnoxious while I'm around my friends, and perhaps assertive in the wrong sense of the word. 2008 was so much of me leaving things up to chance and fate, and that barely got me anywhere. From now on, I fully pledge to take the fall, take charge, grab life by the horns, etc etc, whenever the opportunity springs up. I'll make things happen this year, just wait and see... (note: this last sentence was, in fact, spoken to my sub-conscious; yes, I talk to myself, any questions?)
Building off of that, my second is to stop relying on karma. I think sometimes I do things (or don't do things) because of the positive repercussions at hand, and that isn't how I should be. Also, 2008 was full of me being so fucking paranoid all the time, and I think this could be a part of my fascination with karma. "Uh-oh, if I do this, maybe that won't happen... hmm, maybe if I do this, I'll get a chance to do that..." It just got to a ridiculous level and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm living for me, not for whatever "higher thing" I'm still grasping at straws to understand.
My last one's pretty easy. Just to read more, whatever kind of novels they end up being. AP English has made me hate to read, and over Thanksgiving book I finished a book in one day. That made me think of my younger days when I used to fucking devour books all the time. Now I either have no time, or when I do have time, the last thing I want to pick up is another goddamn book. I feel inferior because a lot of the people I'm beginning new relationships with are well-read as well as well-spoken, and I can't exactly say the same for myself. Hopefully I'll have the motivation to change that.
Some are inherent: work harder on grades, be a nicer and more optimistic person, shave off 5-10 pounds... The thing is, even early in the wee hours of January 1, I felt different. I always used to cling to the Death Cab for Cutie song "The New Year" because it rang so true for me: "So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different." What is the new year supposed to make me feel like? This year, I was some sort of inspired. I'm still kind of riding the high of that. I can already feel it in my bones that this year is going to be full of new beginnings. Carpe diem!, and all that. Yeah, so I'm still me. But I really want to stop being a mediocre me. Is little ol' Me finally growing up...?
Yes, I know those aren't the words.
So far, I do have a few (realistic; I begrudingly decided to scratch "acquire a cotton candy-colored unicorn" off of my list) resolutions for this year that I plan to keep. My first is to be assertive. Once you get to know me, I can be a pretty outgoing person. Even if you don't know me, I can get loud and obnoxious while I'm around my friends, and perhaps assertive in the wrong sense of the word. 2008 was so much of me leaving things up to chance and fate, and that barely got me anywhere. From now on, I fully pledge to take the fall, take charge, grab life by the horns, etc etc, whenever the opportunity springs up. I'll make things happen this year, just wait and see... (note: this last sentence was, in fact, spoken to my sub-conscious; yes, I talk to myself, any questions?)
Building off of that, my second is to stop relying on karma. I think sometimes I do things (or don't do things) because of the positive repercussions at hand, and that isn't how I should be. Also, 2008 was full of me being so fucking paranoid all the time, and I think this could be a part of my fascination with karma. "Uh-oh, if I do this, maybe that won't happen... hmm, maybe if I do this, I'll get a chance to do that..." It just got to a ridiculous level and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm living for me, not for whatever "higher thing" I'm still grasping at straws to understand.
My last one's pretty easy. Just to read more, whatever kind of novels they end up being. AP English has made me hate to read, and over Thanksgiving book I finished a book in one day. That made me think of my younger days when I used to fucking devour books all the time. Now I either have no time, or when I do have time, the last thing I want to pick up is another goddamn book. I feel inferior because a lot of the people I'm beginning new relationships with are well-read as well as well-spoken, and I can't exactly say the same for myself. Hopefully I'll have the motivation to change that.
Some are inherent: work harder on grades, be a nicer and more optimistic person, shave off 5-10 pounds... The thing is, even early in the wee hours of January 1, I felt different. I always used to cling to the Death Cab for Cutie song "The New Year" because it rang so true for me: "So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different." What is the new year supposed to make me feel like? This year, I was some sort of inspired. I'm still kind of riding the high of that. I can already feel it in my bones that this year is going to be full of new beginnings. Carpe diem!, and all that. Yeah, so I'm still me. But I really want to stop being a mediocre me. Is little ol' Me finally growing up...?