Why I've never been in love with the romance genre
My irritation with romance as a genre has been clarified by some recent encounters with fanfic and a couple of supposed romantic-comedy movies (I say 'supposedly', because while they were undeniably romances all the way through, the comedy was rather thin on the ground in places) and some TV I never would have watched if I hadn't been at my parents' house.
Romance seems to have (if you are being generous) a particular set of character tropes. If you are being ungenerous, you would call them character cliches. Now, fair enough - every genre has tropes and cliches. And some genres share them: 'the guy gets the girl' is as at home in a western or a spy thriller as it is in a rom-com. Though one could argue that the latter is more about the girl getting the guy. But I digress.
My irritation with romance, whether in written or film/TV form, is mainly with two particular - and oft repeated - staples of the romance character stable.
Type 1: The Joint Winners of the Dimwit of the Year Award
You know the scenario… Girl is rabidly in love with Boy. Boy is rabidly in love with Girl. But Girl is convinced that Boy does not like her and could never love her. And meanwhile Boy is convinced that Girl does not like him and yadda, yadda, yadda. Despite allegedly being besotted with each other and thus, presumably, paying very close attention to their opposite number's actions and behaviour, they continually fail to (a) realise how the other person feels, or (b) to tell them how they feel themselves. This does not just afflict socially inept teenagers who might be forgiven as they are just getting to grips with new sensations like falling in love. Nope, this affects all ages in the romance genre. The reader thus has to suffer endless pages (it’s a very common scenario in fanfic) of these two dimwits repeatedly failing to realise that the object of their desire likes them. It makes me want to knock both their heads together. Repeatedly.
I'm not talking about a Kept Apart By Circumstances thing here. This isn't Girl from the Jets and Boy from the Sharks. Nor is it Trendy Girl loves Geeky Boy but won't admit it because the other Trendy Girls will look down on her. In the likes of Pern fandom, the pair are often in the same training class, or in the same fighting wing of dragons and it would be perfectly socially acceptable for them to shag each other senseless every evening. There is no excuse apart from the writer thinks it is 'romantic' for them not to get together until page 578 of the story. As a result all their friends and relatives also have conspire to keep them ignorant by failing to communicate the 'Girl fancies Boy' gossip in any sane human fashion.
Janet: How's Juliet?
John: Oh, she's pining over Romeo. Fancies him something rotten, you know.
Janet: Well Romeo told me that he thinks she's the cutest girl in his class.
John: You should tell him to ask her out then.
Voice in the style of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: This NEVER happens!
It makes me wonder HOW exactly the dimwits came to be in love? I mean, they don't actually KNOW each other if they never manage to communicate properly. Quite often they don't even act as if they are friends - they just sort of admire each other from afar. It seems a bizarre romance trope that two people can go from casual acquaintances to Lovers with a capital L without actually passing through a stage of being friends first. After all, these guys aren't supposed to have just casually picked each other up at the local night club - they've been Deeply In Love for weeks/months/years (delete as applicable).
I always imagine that when they finally do get together, the music-loving, soap opera addicted Girl is going to discover that Boy is tone deaf and hates soaps, while animal-loving, outdoorsy Boy realises that Girl is agoraphobic and allergic to all his pets. But that never happens, because they've used their Psychic Powers to divine who is their One True Love and don't actually have to go through the "Do you like gardening? Because I do." sort of conversations that mere mortals like us participate in.
Type 2: The Brain Reprogrammed by Aliens Award
In this scenario Woman is in love with Man A. In some plots it is a Big Secret, in others she tells all and sundry, including Man A. In fact she and Man A may be engaged, planning the big wedding, etc. Along comes Man B, who then usually spends the majority of the movie/story irritating the hell out of Woman. Then suddenly in a Saul on the road to Damascus moment near the end, she realises she's NOT in love with Man A and is in fact in love with Man B. Sometimes this is well handled and it comes across as a woman coming to her senses and not bowing to the social pressure of marrying Man A whom she never really loved. But quite often it comes across more that she's had her brain re-wired by aliens during the night. Monday she's in love with Alan, Tuesday she's in love with Barry. Fortunately the male cast of the movie isn't that big, otherwise on Wed it would be Charlie and Thurs on to Derek.
The thing is, this sudden revelation only seems to occur to people in the romance genre. Specifically to people who are in love. It's rather alarming really. Just imagine if this sort of emotional personality reprogramming occurred as readily in other situations where love and affection were involved! I could suddenly wake up and discover that overnight I have stopped loving my parents for no readily apparent reason. Or wryelle might go to the Mother & Baby group, have an epiphany and try to swap Agent of Cute for a different, suddenly more lovable baby. Or allthatcustard could go for a walk and abruptly realise that she abruptly no longer cares for her own dogs & husband, but now deeply loves the ones that live round the corner, despite the fact that all she's done is argue with them for the last six months.
If this romantic heroine was initially portrayed as a woman trapped in a dying relationship or the like, I could understand her finding love elsewhere. But for her to be portrayed as someone who firmly believed she was in love with Man A, then just as firmly decide she is in love with Man B makes me doubt her mental health. Or indeed how long her relationship with Man B is likely to last.
Unless Man A or Man B is the one responsible for reprogramming her brain, of course! Man A turns her into the Stepford Girlfriend, then when he's bored with her he disables the firewall and thus lets Man B hack into her brain and reprogramme her to love HIM...