I like to think of myself not as "distracting" but "inspiring", a la Sally Bowles
I cry during movies when people forcibly get their hair cut. I find it really traumatizing. I suppose it's because I've put so much time, love and effort into mine. It's weird.
It also makes watching 'V For Vendetta' quite awkward.
* * *
The word tristesse has to be one of the most beautiful words in the entire French language. There's just something really pretty about it. Translated, it means "sadness". Hm.
* * *
The semester has begun.
I have a monstrously large basement room in Wheeler with windows on two sides. And I'm rooming with Nellie, which is the best thing ever. I've heard horror stories about best friends who grow to hate each other by the end of the year, but I think we're going to make it. We bunked the beds and are working hard to turn the room into Pure Awesome. It looks less and less like a crypt or dungeon (oh goth) and more like a harem or opium den. Lots of throw pillows, nice lighting and we're investing in beanbag chairs sometime soon. We refer to it as the Harem or the Palace.
None of my classes start before noon. And they're all one right after the other, so that's quite nice. Plus all my French is on Tuesdays/Thursdays. The situation is good, if busy. We'll see how it goes.
BIOLOGY: Big lecture. The teachers seem nice. Blah blah.
HISTORY: Liz/Kasai is in my class yaaaaaaay! Also a pretty Azn boy, but he disappeared as soon as class ended. Ninja-vanish really is a racial trait. Also also, our professor's name is Brian D Bunk. Wow.
TECH DESIGN: I fucking hate open-ended creative projects and this class is evidently full of them. But it's got Eric Rhem and Old-Roomie-Sarah and other rockin theatre kids. Plus Miguel is cool. Still not looking forward to shop hours and lots of model building.
FRENCH COMPOSITION: Hahahahahaha I love Nancy Lamb. I'm not overly worried about this class.
AFRICAN FILM: Big-ish and time-consuming, but manageable. The professor is from Ghana (he's Ghanan? Ghanian? Ghanish?). Hopefully the movies are interesting.
Monday nights I'm taking bellydance classes with Felicia. So far so good.
* * *
I despise one-armed hugs with an incredible passion. Unless you're holding something you absolutely can't work around or put down, don't be a pussy and give me a real hug. If you're feeling up to it, pick me up and swing me around. I like that.
Also, I want to bring the French custom of bisous to the States. You know, the cheek-kissing. I think it's adorable. Who's with me?
* * *
Went to Max's Monday night and had a long talk. It was really a continuation of an earlier talk, but I was tired of saying everything online. Tired of impersonal text saying painful things. It was mostly me talking, but I suppose there wasn't much he could say aside from apologize, which he did a few times. Basically what it came down to is that I'm miserable and can't get over him and want to be with him terribly, and he wishes there was more he could do to help. I pretty much just said everything that'd been floating around in my head for the past couple months. Explained why we couldn't platonically cuddle, which hurt far more than I expected because I want to but I suppose it had to be done. I wouldn't exactly say any of it felt good, because I'm still in love with my best friend who doesn't care, but at least it was all said out loud and in person. I may have gone a bit far in telling him I wished his girlthing would die in a fire, but hey. I'm the woman scorned.
It really sucked to be in Georgia without him and have all our mutual friends just sort of assume we were together. And then when I explained we weren't (my usual phrase was "I wish"), I'd hear "Oh but you guys would make such a great couple!" Don't I know it, dude. Even people who know both his real girlthing and I have told me "Oh but you guys would make such the better couple!" Yeah. It also sucks to know that his girlthing knows I have feelings for him but doesn't know they were once reciprocated, so I get to come off as a twit with a crush. I hope he rectifies that misconception, out of respect for me if for nothing else.
It doesn't help that he agreed we would have been a great couple. And the essential question, "Why her", still goes unanswered. So here I am... Stagnant. Depressed and weepy and stupid. And still, after all that, unable to give up hoping. So it goes.
But he did allay my fears about the status of our friendship. He does consider me a best friend. It's exceedingly comforting.
* * *
In the time I've been here... Liz came over and we watched 'Robin Hood Men In Tights', Nellie and I watched a whole shitload of movies, Max visited for a bit, I've run into Bernie and Gwen and Pete Motherfuckin Storey and Leigh, went to Haven and had a waffle at Franklin that didn't sit well at all. Tonight Nellie and I are going into Noho because Lisa and Don will be there and having yummy Mediterranean, and tomorrow we're seeing 'Cabaret' at Amherst College. 'Stop Kiss' auditions this weekend, also hanging out with people. My mum will hopefully visit soon and bring extra things I forgot. Hurray.
* * *
Summer plans are already shaping up. Caldaria, Deadlands, a family trip to Australia and work at St Mike's. The gypsies want me to come down to SOLAR for the festival in May, they've even promised they'll play their gypsies and not their secondaries, but it's the same weekend as a Deadlands event (the second one, in fact, and I have to miss the third due to work). However, Mike wants Muse and me to do SOLAR and that's the entirety of our Deadlands ranger crew. Nadarin will need to make some friends fast that first event, since Mike will have drills and Muse will probably be abroad for most of this season. Hrm. Decisions, decisions.
* * *
Sex Filter post coming soon. If anyone new to my journal isn't on that filter and wants to be, let me know. It's not as bad as it sounds, it's more a record of thoughts than actions. So yeah.
It also makes watching 'V For Vendetta' quite awkward.
* * *
The word tristesse has to be one of the most beautiful words in the entire French language. There's just something really pretty about it. Translated, it means "sadness". Hm.
* * *
The semester has begun.
I have a monstrously large basement room in Wheeler with windows on two sides. And I'm rooming with Nellie, which is the best thing ever. I've heard horror stories about best friends who grow to hate each other by the end of the year, but I think we're going to make it. We bunked the beds and are working hard to turn the room into Pure Awesome. It looks less and less like a crypt or dungeon (oh goth) and more like a harem or opium den. Lots of throw pillows, nice lighting and we're investing in beanbag chairs sometime soon. We refer to it as the Harem or the Palace.
None of my classes start before noon. And they're all one right after the other, so that's quite nice. Plus all my French is on Tuesdays/Thursdays. The situation is good, if busy. We'll see how it goes.
BIOLOGY: Big lecture. The teachers seem nice. Blah blah.
HISTORY: Liz/Kasai is in my class yaaaaaaay! Also a pretty Azn boy, but he disappeared as soon as class ended. Ninja-vanish really is a racial trait. Also also, our professor's name is Brian D Bunk. Wow.
TECH DESIGN: I fucking hate open-ended creative projects and this class is evidently full of them. But it's got Eric Rhem and Old-Roomie-Sarah and other rockin theatre kids. Plus Miguel is cool. Still not looking forward to shop hours and lots of model building.
FRENCH COMPOSITION: Hahahahahaha I love Nancy Lamb. I'm not overly worried about this class.
AFRICAN FILM: Big-ish and time-consuming, but manageable. The professor is from Ghana (he's Ghanan? Ghanian? Ghanish?). Hopefully the movies are interesting.
Monday nights I'm taking bellydance classes with Felicia. So far so good.
* * *
I despise one-armed hugs with an incredible passion. Unless you're holding something you absolutely can't work around or put down, don't be a pussy and give me a real hug. If you're feeling up to it, pick me up and swing me around. I like that.
Also, I want to bring the French custom of bisous to the States. You know, the cheek-kissing. I think it's adorable. Who's with me?
* * *
Went to Max's Monday night and had a long talk. It was really a continuation of an earlier talk, but I was tired of saying everything online. Tired of impersonal text saying painful things. It was mostly me talking, but I suppose there wasn't much he could say aside from apologize, which he did a few times. Basically what it came down to is that I'm miserable and can't get over him and want to be with him terribly, and he wishes there was more he could do to help. I pretty much just said everything that'd been floating around in my head for the past couple months. Explained why we couldn't platonically cuddle, which hurt far more than I expected because I want to but I suppose it had to be done. I wouldn't exactly say any of it felt good, because I'm still in love with my best friend who doesn't care, but at least it was all said out loud and in person. I may have gone a bit far in telling him I wished his girlthing would die in a fire, but hey. I'm the woman scorned.
It really sucked to be in Georgia without him and have all our mutual friends just sort of assume we were together. And then when I explained we weren't (my usual phrase was "I wish"), I'd hear "Oh but you guys would make such a great couple!" Don't I know it, dude. Even people who know both his real girlthing and I have told me "Oh but you guys would make such the better couple!" Yeah. It also sucks to know that his girlthing knows I have feelings for him but doesn't know they were once reciprocated, so I get to come off as a twit with a crush. I hope he rectifies that misconception, out of respect for me if for nothing else.
It doesn't help that he agreed we would have been a great couple. And the essential question, "Why her", still goes unanswered. So here I am... Stagnant. Depressed and weepy and stupid. And still, after all that, unable to give up hoping. So it goes.
But he did allay my fears about the status of our friendship. He does consider me a best friend. It's exceedingly comforting.
* * *
In the time I've been here... Liz came over and we watched 'Robin Hood Men In Tights', Nellie and I watched a whole shitload of movies, Max visited for a bit, I've run into Bernie and Gwen and Pete Motherfuckin Storey and Leigh, went to Haven and had a waffle at Franklin that didn't sit well at all. Tonight Nellie and I are going into Noho because Lisa and Don will be there and having yummy Mediterranean, and tomorrow we're seeing 'Cabaret' at Amherst College. 'Stop Kiss' auditions this weekend, also hanging out with people. My mum will hopefully visit soon and bring extra things I forgot. Hurray.
* * *
Summer plans are already shaping up. Caldaria, Deadlands, a family trip to Australia and work at St Mike's. The gypsies want me to come down to SOLAR for the festival in May, they've even promised they'll play their gypsies and not their secondaries, but it's the same weekend as a Deadlands event (the second one, in fact, and I have to miss the third due to work). However, Mike wants Muse and me to do SOLAR and that's the entirety of our Deadlands ranger crew. Nadarin will need to make some friends fast that first event, since Mike will have drills and Muse will probably be abroad for most of this season. Hrm. Decisions, decisions.
* * *
Sex Filter post coming soon. If anyone new to my journal isn't on that filter and wants to be, let me know. It's not as bad as it sounds, it's more a record of thoughts than actions. So yeah.