school, education, college
i'm giving myself a fever looking at this college website. i can't think about college. i don't know what i want to do when i grow up. FUCK! i hate this feeling.
my mom wants me to take classes at the adult education place. but the thing says that you have to be over 18.
whenever i think about school, i panic. i want to cry. i can't handle it. i never have been able to handle it, and i don't know if i ever will.
it's hot in here. i need the AC.
so, i've been looking at oberlin college's site. i'm looing at creative writing degree programs... cinema studies degree programs... art stuff.
i can't think.
i feel a pressure to go to college. i don't know why. really, there is no pressure at all. my mom thinks that i should learn how to cut hair as a... i don't know... thing to know how to do as a background thing or whatever. i can't think of all the big words. i'm just pulling words out of my ass.
in about 5 years... i imagine myself in new york city, with my own apartment. my own life. my own career. i don't know if i'm famous, yet. and i can't fill in the blanks.
i can't think.
i think i would be good as a fashion designer. or a movie producer and director. or an interior designer.
something! AAAAAAAH.
but really, i want to be a musician. i know that i have to build a foundation of musicianship. i need to learn how to read music. i want voice lessons. and i should practice more with my guitar.
i have to calm down.
my mom wants me to take classes at the adult education place. but the thing says that you have to be over 18.
whenever i think about school, i panic. i want to cry. i can't handle it. i never have been able to handle it, and i don't know if i ever will.
it's hot in here. i need the AC.
so, i've been looking at oberlin college's site. i'm looing at creative writing degree programs... cinema studies degree programs... art stuff.
i can't think.
i feel a pressure to go to college. i don't know why. really, there is no pressure at all. my mom thinks that i should learn how to cut hair as a... i don't know... thing to know how to do as a background thing or whatever. i can't think of all the big words. i'm just pulling words out of my ass.
in about 5 years... i imagine myself in new york city, with my own apartment. my own life. my own career. i don't know if i'm famous, yet. and i can't fill in the blanks.
i can't think.
i think i would be good as a fashion designer. or a movie producer and director. or an interior designer.
something! AAAAAAAH.
but really, i want to be a musician. i know that i have to build a foundation of musicianship. i need to learn how to read music. i want voice lessons. and i should practice more with my guitar.
i have to calm down.