Mean Girls
I just saw this film with my younger cousin Adam and my little brother Tim (both male, surprisingly enough), and they were surprised when I told them that actually, girls really ARE that mean to one another (and often, a hella lot worse.)
Basic premise of the film: New girl joins school, makes friends with hot dykey chick and gay boy, then accidentally falls into clique of hot popular girls. Wackiness ensues, along with a whole lot of bitchiness from pretty much everyone in the film, and then a happy ending, involving an inspiring speech at a prom type affair. Pretty standard Teen comedy/inspiring tale of why can't we all just get along.
I was going to write a big thing about this film, but fuck it, most people have probably already seen it anyway. But the goth chick was hott.
I am stuck in a rut. I can't seem to escape my own sense of self importance and neediness. It's extremely frustrating. Also, this journal has become nothing more or less than my own vanity and shortcomings dissected and splayed out for an audience mostly comprised of people I don't know. Livejournal is fun like that. I guess it's for the narcissist in us all.
This journal started out like that. Then I got to a point where, I didn't want to pour my life out into something that anyone with a modem or a DSL line could read. So it just became a gallery of my own thoughts, and my own misguided belief that anyone actually gives a shit about what I think about love and hate and the revolution. This is not self mockery or pity, this is an objective viewpoint.
I am frustrated with my life. I am frustrated by who I am, and my seeming inability to have a normal, functioning, happy relationship or even friendship with someone I care about. I am frustrated by my own dramatics, the fireworks I create everywhere I go. I feel like a fucking attention whore, which is not something I've ever wanted to be. I think we all are on some level though. Even those of us who never share our emotions, who close our feelings away from the world, are just exercising another form of attention seeking. It actually probably works better. That way you get the attention AND the respect.
I'm reading a great book at the moment that a friend lent to me. She said it was the best book in the world. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but it's definitely one of them. Wouldn't it be cool if you could climb into books and be inside them? I would like that. I would like that a lot. I'd climb into the Sweet Valley High books. They're a symbol of everything I thought my life would be at 16, when I was 8 years old. Those books were fucking awesome. Or Nancy Drew books. I wanted to BE Nancy Drew for so long. She had a blue mustang, and she was pretty, and she had a HOTT boyfriend and stupidly large amounts of money. She was like a Barbie doll with brains.
I'm overanalysing again. I guess what I'm saying is that I want a new kind of high. And I don't know how far I'm willing to go to get it, but I have a feeling it won't be in the directions I'm going at the moment. My life needs change. The fun part of being human, we crave change and stability AT THE SAME TIME.
I feel the need to apologise. I'm a compulsive apologiser. I'm not sure where that comes from. I remember when I was 12 and I was in a clique of girls who were really horrible to me. They weren't Mean Girls. I can't even remember what it was about now. But you know what adolescent girls are like. They were horrible. And then, after all the drama and the fireworks, and parents called into school, and bla bla bla, out of the blue, I walked up to two of them and apologised. I don't know why, or what I was apologising for. I guess I thought it was my fault. I don't know, maybe it was. I'm pretty difficult to get along with sometimes. But I just remember, her smirking. Fuck Mean Girls.
I remember this one girl, it was such a parasitic friendship. I think half the time we hated each other, but when youre 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 you're best friends to the death, even if you wish each other were dead. She's such a lovely girl now, an absolute sweetheart, and I can't get over how different she is from the girl who used to make me feel so miserable. It makes me wonder, how much was her making me miserable, and how much was me letting her?
This post has now come full circle.
I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I've done wrong, or to who, but the odds are, statistically, I've probably done something. So I'm sorry for that.
If everyone said sorry more, the world would be a happier place we would all be compulsive apologists with extreme inwardly focused anger issues.
People are horrible. And I'm the Queen of Horrible.
And I just want to be nice. :(
Basic premise of the film: New girl joins school, makes friends with hot dykey chick and gay boy, then accidentally falls into clique of hot popular girls. Wackiness ensues, along with a whole lot of bitchiness from pretty much everyone in the film, and then a happy ending, involving an inspiring speech at a prom type affair. Pretty standard Teen comedy/inspiring tale of why can't we all just get along.
I was going to write a big thing about this film, but fuck it, most people have probably already seen it anyway. But the goth chick was hott.
I am stuck in a rut. I can't seem to escape my own sense of self importance and neediness. It's extremely frustrating. Also, this journal has become nothing more or less than my own vanity and shortcomings dissected and splayed out for an audience mostly comprised of people I don't know. Livejournal is fun like that. I guess it's for the narcissist in us all.
This journal started out like that. Then I got to a point where, I didn't want to pour my life out into something that anyone with a modem or a DSL line could read. So it just became a gallery of my own thoughts, and my own misguided belief that anyone actually gives a shit about what I think about love and hate and the revolution. This is not self mockery or pity, this is an objective viewpoint.
I am frustrated with my life. I am frustrated by who I am, and my seeming inability to have a normal, functioning, happy relationship or even friendship with someone I care about. I am frustrated by my own dramatics, the fireworks I create everywhere I go. I feel like a fucking attention whore, which is not something I've ever wanted to be. I think we all are on some level though. Even those of us who never share our emotions, who close our feelings away from the world, are just exercising another form of attention seeking. It actually probably works better. That way you get the attention AND the respect.
I'm reading a great book at the moment that a friend lent to me. She said it was the best book in the world. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but it's definitely one of them. Wouldn't it be cool if you could climb into books and be inside them? I would like that. I would like that a lot. I'd climb into the Sweet Valley High books. They're a symbol of everything I thought my life would be at 16, when I was 8 years old. Those books were fucking awesome. Or Nancy Drew books. I wanted to BE Nancy Drew for so long. She had a blue mustang, and she was pretty, and she had a HOTT boyfriend and stupidly large amounts of money. She was like a Barbie doll with brains.
I'm overanalysing again. I guess what I'm saying is that I want a new kind of high. And I don't know how far I'm willing to go to get it, but I have a feeling it won't be in the directions I'm going at the moment. My life needs change. The fun part of being human, we crave change and stability AT THE SAME TIME.
I feel the need to apologise. I'm a compulsive apologiser. I'm not sure where that comes from. I remember when I was 12 and I was in a clique of girls who were really horrible to me. They weren't Mean Girls. I can't even remember what it was about now. But you know what adolescent girls are like. They were horrible. And then, after all the drama and the fireworks, and parents called into school, and bla bla bla, out of the blue, I walked up to two of them and apologised. I don't know why, or what I was apologising for. I guess I thought it was my fault. I don't know, maybe it was. I'm pretty difficult to get along with sometimes. But I just remember, her smirking. Fuck Mean Girls.
I remember this one girl, it was such a parasitic friendship. I think half the time we hated each other, but when youre 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 you're best friends to the death, even if you wish each other were dead. She's such a lovely girl now, an absolute sweetheart, and I can't get over how different she is from the girl who used to make me feel so miserable. It makes me wonder, how much was her making me miserable, and how much was me letting her?
This post has now come full circle.
I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I've done wrong, or to who, but the odds are, statistically, I've probably done something. So I'm sorry for that.
If everyone said sorry more, the world would be a happier place we would all be compulsive apologists with extreme inwardly focused anger issues.
People are horrible. And I'm the Queen of Horrible.
And I just want to be nice. :(