Post-Cardiff Post #4
I now present to you.... crack!fic extraordinaire!
Title: It's All Gareth's Fault
Author(s):
rickman_101, tiggerbrasilf,
grasshopper64*,
son_heir,
mara_202, calliglad,
neveryourgirl*,
tazza_di_jo,
captains_girl
akogare*
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhiannon, Johnny, Rhys, Andy, Myfanwy.
Pairings: Anything Goes.
Rating: Errr... something vaguely high?
Warnings: Sex, Language, Blasphemy.
Disclaimer: Ha, we totally don't own Torchwood.
Summary: Complete and utter crack. Beyond crack, even.
Author's Notes: This was written in a car park in Cardiff on a Saturday night under the influence of caffeine, sugar, alcohol & Gareth David-Lloyd. It was written one word at a time in a kind of round robin, that I had no part in. I am merely the innocent scribe. Who is having a hell of a job reading her own handwriting.
There was a man who was a bad influence on the person next to Ianto's sister. Jack thought he could grope him quite vigorously, but wasn't happy about the numerous ants crawling al over his body. Ianto, however, licked Jack's ear and then caressed his nipples. Ianto approved of the colour of his briefs but didn't like the colour of his socks. Therefore, he decided to buy some new ones. The new ones had vibrating Santas.
Jack was frisky so he decided to ask God how naked Ianto felt. God covered his ears and smote Jack. Jack was very unhappy that he was killed so he told God to fuck off, which in the dark place Ianto slept, made no sense.
Rhiannon, meanwhile, was King of Newport. Therefore, Johnny was Queen of Abergavenny and Glasgow. They saw their minions fucking each other all day long. They decided to spank a gerbil but it didn't enjoy it.
Ianto, meanwhile, masturbated over a picture of Andy who was unaware of Ianto's affections.
He exclaimed, "Blimey! What fun you are having. Can I join in? We could liaise with Jack if he isn't busy with fucking Gwen."
Ianto jumped at the opportunity of slapping a PC.
"Ouch!"
"Whoops, I didn't think about who would walk in on us."
Jack said, "Ianto, you have been a dirty, little, filthy whore. Come!"
Ianto zipped up his trousers and followed through on Jack's command. Andy also came in his very large policeman's helmet.
Now Rhys can eat a cucumber and improve his diet. "Gwen, where is my key? I can't travel to Andy's."
Sadly, Janet's teeth glistened in the dark kitchen, which caused major sexual arousement for everyone.
The End.
(And then they were all sectioned & I posted this in their memory).
Note to the Authors: You mad lunatics, you. Post it to your own LJs & all about the show, if you so wish.
Title: It's All Gareth's Fault
Author(s):
rickman_101, tiggerbrasilf,
grasshopper64*,
son_heir,
mara_202, calliglad,
neveryourgirl*,
tazza_di_jo,
captains_girl
akogare*
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhiannon, Johnny, Rhys, Andy, Myfanwy.
Pairings: Anything Goes.
Rating: Errr... something vaguely high?
Warnings: Sex, Language, Blasphemy.
Disclaimer: Ha, we totally don't own Torchwood.
Summary: Complete and utter crack. Beyond crack, even.
Author's Notes: This was written in a car park in Cardiff on a Saturday night under the influence of caffeine, sugar, alcohol & Gareth David-Lloyd. It was written one word at a time in a kind of round robin, that I had no part in. I am merely the innocent scribe. Who is having a hell of a job reading her own handwriting.
There was a man who was a bad influence on the person next to Ianto's sister. Jack thought he could grope him quite vigorously, but wasn't happy about the numerous ants crawling al over his body. Ianto, however, licked Jack's ear and then caressed his nipples. Ianto approved of the colour of his briefs but didn't like the colour of his socks. Therefore, he decided to buy some new ones. The new ones had vibrating Santas.
Jack was frisky so he decided to ask God how naked Ianto felt. God covered his ears and smote Jack. Jack was very unhappy that he was killed so he told God to fuck off, which in the dark place Ianto slept, made no sense.
Rhiannon, meanwhile, was King of Newport. Therefore, Johnny was Queen of Abergavenny and Glasgow. They saw their minions fucking each other all day long. They decided to spank a gerbil but it didn't enjoy it.
Ianto, meanwhile, masturbated over a picture of Andy who was unaware of Ianto's affections.
He exclaimed, "Blimey! What fun you are having. Can I join in? We could liaise with Jack if he isn't busy with fucking Gwen."
Ianto jumped at the opportunity of slapping a PC.
"Ouch!"
"Whoops, I didn't think about who would walk in on us."
Jack said, "Ianto, you have been a dirty, little, filthy whore. Come!"
Ianto zipped up his trousers and followed through on Jack's command. Andy also came in his very large policeman's helmet.
Now Rhys can eat a cucumber and improve his diet. "Gwen, where is my key? I can't travel to Andy's."
Sadly, Janet's teeth glistened in the dark kitchen, which caused major sexual arousement for everyone.
The End.
(And then they were all sectioned & I posted this in their memory).
Note to the Authors: You mad lunatics, you. Post it to your own LJs & all about the show, if you so wish.