My Life.
What did I do?
Maybe it's all a good dose of karmic payback for fobbing off the bowel cancer fundraising woman who accosted me in my back yard last weekend.
I didn't want a pen.
I didn't need a keyring.
I was hungover, covered in food, unable to fully open my eyes; I was hanging out washing. All I could say was "No." If she'd knocked on my front door, sure, but it's my fucking backyard. She actually walked off cursing me.
Maybe she was a secret voodoo queen.
Maybe I have bowel cancer.
So on top of my cold, and yesterday's shortlived bout of insanity, Matthew Barney's Drawing Restraint 9 possessed me with the sort of pain he and Björk clearly weren't feeling while they were chopping each others legs off and turning into whales.
It was comical synchronicity.
Like, it starts off so beautiful. I was so enjoying it. So, some Japanese woman has for some reason or another sent The Guests some fossil, which means they have to get onto some whaling ship in Japan, and there's a big ceremony and a whole lot of liquid vaseline that has to solidify in a mould on the boat, and all the Japanese people are dancing around the truck with the vaseline in the big vat on the back, and then there's some diving women who hyperventilate and find some whale vomit, and then Björk takes a bath with some oranges, and some guy shaves off Matthew Barney's eyebrow, and the Japanese people pull a big spine out of the vaseline sculpture, and then during the tea ceremony I start to feel the nurofen wearing off, and I need to go pee, and then there's a storm, and Björk starts licking Matthew Barney's face, and there's liquid goop that floods the ship, and I think i'm going to throw up, or faint, and i'm not actually watching, and then Björk and Matthew Barney start slicing each other up, and then a spirit demon starts hosing goop everywhere, apparently, I didn't see that bit, and Björk and Matthew Barney are whales and there are icebergs in the sea in Japan, and then a hyperventilating diver woman starts spitting out pearls, Directed By Matthew Barney, and I go lock myself in the bathroom for 15 minutes and consider calling an ambulance.