Terrible Blogger
I admit - with the advent/popularity of FB and Twitter, I’m on there a whole lot more than I am here. It’s like my quick updates that I used to do here, are more suited for there. But in the process, I’ve lost touch with too many people that I met over my now 13+ year LJ/Blog experience, and I don’t really care for that.
It’s not just that though - I’ve got my family - first and foremost. Alex is heading to Kindergarden this year, which I’m still in denial about. And Zoe is getting ready to hit preschool for real. She’ll be 3 next month, and it’s blowing my mind. They’re both such little personalities - parts crazy and intellectual, caring and bossy. They keep me busy, warm my heard and drive me nuts.
I’ve also got roller derby - I do too much there, but that’s because I care about it a lot. I’m trying to reduce the amount that I do now that there’s a lot of able hands, and it’s working, but slow to extricate myself. I’m a team Captain (which I love but a break for a year could be nice) which means I’m also a board member, I lead the Fresh Meat (new skater) training program, and handle tickets for bout production/other events. It’s a lot to do, in addition to the helping out in other areas that I try to offer as well. I would mind less if it wasn’t another part time job to fill up too many hours of the day.
Then there’s my etsy store - I revived it at the end of last year, and have enjoyed a lot of success with it. At least from the perspective of my own personal goals. I wanted to work at least one craft show this year (I’ve done three so far, with at least one more on the horizon) and sell a decent amount a month. I’d like to - and think I could - do a lot more, but my time has been so limited, and I’d rather spend my time with my family than in my craft room.
Throughout all of this is a troubling and long lasting bout of depression that’s hung with me since the end of last year. It’s like a cloying fog that’s impacted nearly everything. I’m hoping writing about it - and writing more - will help it some. I’m also reconsidering medications, but in the past they’ve always made me rather neutral rather than happy. I’d almost rather feel something instead of nothing, so I’m still just thinking.
But in my core, I’m happy. I’m a lucky person with a lovely life. I just need to be able to stop and smell those roses and I’ll be good. I think.
Current Mood: tired