I want to feel that fire again...

[electricpoo]

Why now!!! almost a whole year! and now its happening to us!!!!! what the hell....why can't you see that its just a faze, i've gone through...the connection is braking because we aren't allowed to see or talk....its not becuase we dont' still feel this way. What now. what freakin now! i try so hard, i become so confident in how we feel and what we are, and then you doubt. I'm torn down everytime, and still i won't let go. I know how you feel, i know that you love me and that you care- you just can't take distance like i can, it must not mean as much as it does to me. I don't know. My mom said that if I love you enough than i can wait a year and a half becuase she isn't going to let me go through with this while she can help it- and in my mind i thought "Yeah, your right I CAN wait! i can wait a year and a half and i'm fine with that becuase i know how i feel and i know what i want and i'm willing to wait it out....i'm just afraid that you can't though"

i need something, i need to get out for a while. This has become the only thing important to me lately, i need to get away from here and discover what i'm going to do if this ends up not how i planned-- because as of right now--i have nothing to do if this ends, i will be miserable and i dont' know how to handle it. I need to come to terms that things could possibly change and that i need to figure myself out. My mom has no trust in me to let me go anywhere---but thats what i need to do, i need to leave and do something!!!!