(no subject)
I have made a great distance between myself and the rest of the world. I have lived the past 10 years of my life giving too much attention to all the chaos and toxic people. I don't know who I am at all in the midst of this.
I have heard over and over "The company you keep is a mirrored image of yourself." The last thing I ever wanted to be was a liar, cheater, passive, gossip. That seems to be the only people who give me attention in London. I want to grow spiritually and evolve. I am constantly backed into a corner with the memories and pain I have endured. I get sick of complaining and looking for reasons to back down when it comes to my life.
I feel like I am two minds in a body, one that is ambitious and wants to do new things. Then the one who holds back and believes I am nothing more then a failure. I am trying to spend time getting to know myself and learn who I really am. But every time my inquiries give me some sort of glimpse in I see myself as a miserable person who has been very affected by the messes surrounding me. I can't get past it all.
I am a person who likes male attention, likes to be admired and to feel good about myself. When I meet someone who respects me I run. When I meet someone who cheats on me, mentally abuses me, I cling. I don't understand that part of me. All I have ever wanted in my life was to be loved and to give love.
I have heard over and over "The company you keep is a mirrored image of yourself." The last thing I ever wanted to be was a liar, cheater, passive, gossip. That seems to be the only people who give me attention in London. I want to grow spiritually and evolve. I am constantly backed into a corner with the memories and pain I have endured. I get sick of complaining and looking for reasons to back down when it comes to my life.
I feel like I am two minds in a body, one that is ambitious and wants to do new things. Then the one who holds back and believes I am nothing more then a failure. I am trying to spend time getting to know myself and learn who I really am. But every time my inquiries give me some sort of glimpse in I see myself as a miserable person who has been very affected by the messes surrounding me. I can't get past it all.
I am a person who likes male attention, likes to be admired and to feel good about myself. When I meet someone who respects me I run. When I meet someone who cheats on me, mentally abuses me, I cling. I don't understand that part of me. All I have ever wanted in my life was to be loved and to give love.