Gnarly
I miss the illusion of stability
but resigning myself to the shitty, chaotic person I am almost comes as a sick sort of relief
My depression has manifested inself in sort of manic episodes? Like extreme unnatural happiness. Its weird feeling since I know I am sad but I feel like i'm flying in the saddest way.
ON a lighter note
This halloween topped the last one! I didn't think about anyone or anything shitty at all!
Amanda, Ryan and I went to Geary Street and got stuff for costumes at some obscure craft store. We took a roundtrip bus ride and saw the golden gate bridge and Crissy Field; The scenic route ! Then we tasted homemade ice cream, walked to a PALACE that was locked, experienced two old people stores and a disabled mannequin(?) which was HILARIOUS, Got sammiches, and went home.
I got all dead and rode BART to pleasanton where Sean Deehan and Dave Duke picked me up which was nice of them!
Then I did seans zombie makeup and he looked deader than the deadest person
I saw Rachel Deehan/Sailor Moon and was ECSTATIC, we live parallel lives in different places but I wish we lived parallel lives in the same place :(
Jessiecanz showed up and we piled into in her seatless rainbow lacy van to Evil Base in oakland
I bit my nails and ripped off the tops and now I dont even have any more nails basically! Bummer!
The show was fun because I danced really a lot to Religious Girls and Casy and Brian until I couldnt really dance anymore cause I was so tired! and drunk
I drank a bunch of beers and some of a 40 and some shots of Cisco strawberry (which is so sweet like jolly ranchers it shouldnt even be legal O_o) and still wasnt drunk even though I didnt really eat all day from being overstimulated/too depressed! Then it kicked in and I felt great.
So, partied and danced at Evil Base! It ruled. I cant think of anything better than dancing wildly with my friends, except it would have been better if ALL of my friends were there, and if I had gotten to see Craig/Jesse/Cas/Etc
We all squished into Brians van and Jessies van and other vans and headed to a distant part of Oakland to go to Colins party? That was wicked because I saw even more of my friends
At this point I was a perfect amount of Drunx and I was stoked
Hung out for a bit, then Sean alerted me that we were leaving for Pleasanton soon! It was maybe really late! I was bummd but it was time to go !
I got to my dads house at like 3 am! I wasnt even hungry . I got hugs from my daddy, accidently scared the SHIT out of Grant , and snuggled with Hannah the best dog evar :D
Woke up at 7 AM after like..3 and a half hours of sleep? So that I could go back to State, I arrived just in time for class, realized its bullshit for the thousandth time, and got the fuck out of there. Hung out with my roommates and hung up a blackout curtain aka Amandas blanket over our window. Now it is a BAT CAVE in our room and i've been sleeping all day and meanwhile its been raining cats and dogs outside!
Now I just feel kinda like the past few days have been surreal I am hurtin but I am pushing through it I suppose
or trying not to think too hard
I miss:
Craig
Simplicity
My family
but resigning myself to the shitty, chaotic person I am almost comes as a sick sort of relief
My depression has manifested inself in sort of manic episodes? Like extreme unnatural happiness. Its weird feeling since I know I am sad but I feel like i'm flying in the saddest way.
ON a lighter note
This halloween topped the last one! I didn't think about anyone or anything shitty at all!
Amanda, Ryan and I went to Geary Street and got stuff for costumes at some obscure craft store. We took a roundtrip bus ride and saw the golden gate bridge and Crissy Field; The scenic route ! Then we tasted homemade ice cream, walked to a PALACE that was locked, experienced two old people stores and a disabled mannequin(?) which was HILARIOUS, Got sammiches, and went home.
I got all dead and rode BART to pleasanton where Sean Deehan and Dave Duke picked me up which was nice of them!
Then I did seans zombie makeup and he looked deader than the deadest person
I saw Rachel Deehan/Sailor Moon and was ECSTATIC, we live parallel lives in different places but I wish we lived parallel lives in the same place :(
Jessiecanz showed up and we piled into in her seatless rainbow lacy van to Evil Base in oakland
I bit my nails and ripped off the tops and now I dont even have any more nails basically! Bummer!
The show was fun because I danced really a lot to Religious Girls and Casy and Brian until I couldnt really dance anymore cause I was so tired! and drunk
I drank a bunch of beers and some of a 40 and some shots of Cisco strawberry (which is so sweet like jolly ranchers it shouldnt even be legal O_o) and still wasnt drunk even though I didnt really eat all day from being overstimulated/too depressed! Then it kicked in and I felt great.
So, partied and danced at Evil Base! It ruled. I cant think of anything better than dancing wildly with my friends, except it would have been better if ALL of my friends were there, and if I had gotten to see Craig/Jesse/Cas/Etc
We all squished into Brians van and Jessies van and other vans and headed to a distant part of Oakland to go to Colins party? That was wicked because I saw even more of my friends
At this point I was a perfect amount of Drunx and I was stoked
Hung out for a bit, then Sean alerted me that we were leaving for Pleasanton soon! It was maybe really late! I was bummd but it was time to go !
I got to my dads house at like 3 am! I wasnt even hungry . I got hugs from my daddy, accidently scared the SHIT out of Grant , and snuggled with Hannah the best dog evar :D
Woke up at 7 AM after like..3 and a half hours of sleep? So that I could go back to State, I arrived just in time for class, realized its bullshit for the thousandth time, and got the fuck out of there. Hung out with my roommates and hung up a blackout curtain aka Amandas blanket over our window. Now it is a BAT CAVE in our room and i've been sleeping all day and meanwhile its been raining cats and dogs outside!
Now I just feel kinda like the past few days have been surreal I am hurtin but I am pushing through it I suppose
or trying not to think too hard
I miss:
Craig
Simplicity
My family