i just wrote this b/c i was bored and had alot of stuff on my mind!
I Wish To Tell Her
So this is what it’s like? This is how you feel when someone you love is gone? All the tears that are streaming down my face can’t explain half the pain I feel inside. Nothing can explain my pain. For a year now I still sit at home, alone, wondering who and what wanted me to suffer like this. I realize that I am not the only one suffering. But at times I feel the whole world is against me. I do not like to feel this way at all, I know in my mind that the whole world is not against me. I know in my heart that something has left my life, never to return, and that kills me. I have grown into, a rather mean person, not all the time but just enough that I drive my family away. Being this young and getting your heart ripped out, not just a part of it like if you were with your boyfriend and things didn’t work out, but all of your heart in a since of some family member passing away. Well this is what exactly happened to me.
I am very afraid that I don’t have enough of my heart left to love others. I don’t want to be in situations were I yell at friends and family, more so my family. I don’t want to think I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I don’t want to cry, or have an empty feeling in my heart, I don’t want all of this pain bottled up inside of me, I don’t want it, any of it. For a year now this is all I’ve felt, pain, emptiness, and anger. I want to overcome my depression in so many ways that it scares me that I haven’t done any of them. I know in my mind and heart that I can do it, well wait I can’t do it, not with no one person to help me. Theirs were I run into my next problem, some one to help me. I don’t like to ask for help, not too long ago I told myself I didn’t need anyone’s help and no one would help me. Well I am finally admitting it… I need someone’s help, badly.
I hope, wish and pray, that my grandmother is still out there, in heaven. That she is their watching over me, protecting me and my family. I wish to tell her I love her with all of my heart, and that I am slowly healing my heart back together, so I am able to love others. I wish to tell her, thank you, for everything she’s done for me, and that I will never forget her. I wish to tell her that their will be no other grandmother like her, and no better best friend than she was. I love you grand mommy.
So this is what it’s like? This is how you feel when someone you love is gone? All the tears that are streaming down my face can’t explain half the pain I feel inside. Nothing can explain my pain. For a year now I still sit at home, alone, wondering who and what wanted me to suffer like this. I realize that I am not the only one suffering. But at times I feel the whole world is against me. I do not like to feel this way at all, I know in my mind that the whole world is not against me. I know in my heart that something has left my life, never to return, and that kills me. I have grown into, a rather mean person, not all the time but just enough that I drive my family away. Being this young and getting your heart ripped out, not just a part of it like if you were with your boyfriend and things didn’t work out, but all of your heart in a since of some family member passing away. Well this is what exactly happened to me.
I am very afraid that I don’t have enough of my heart left to love others. I don’t want to be in situations were I yell at friends and family, more so my family. I don’t want to think I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life. I don’t want to cry, or have an empty feeling in my heart, I don’t want all of this pain bottled up inside of me, I don’t want it, any of it. For a year now this is all I’ve felt, pain, emptiness, and anger. I want to overcome my depression in so many ways that it scares me that I haven’t done any of them. I know in my mind and heart that I can do it, well wait I can’t do it, not with no one person to help me. Theirs were I run into my next problem, some one to help me. I don’t like to ask for help, not too long ago I told myself I didn’t need anyone’s help and no one would help me. Well I am finally admitting it… I need someone’s help, badly.
I hope, wish and pray, that my grandmother is still out there, in heaven. That she is their watching over me, protecting me and my family. I wish to tell her I love her with all of my heart, and that I am slowly healing my heart back together, so I am able to love others. I wish to tell her, thank you, for everything she’s done for me, and that I will never forget her. I wish to tell her that their will be no other grandmother like her, and no better best friend than she was. I love you grand mommy.