(no subject)
You know one thing that's kinda been irritating me lately is when I tell someone I'm done with romantic relationships, and without fail I get "don't give up! There's good men out there!" or "you'll find someone, just keep looking and don't give up!" or some variation of that. Like, I get that it sounds like I'm being bitter and frustrated, but honestly I'm really not. I'm not looking for encouragement to "keep trying". I'm really just done. I'm content being single and I think that's what works best for me.
There's really not someone out there for everyone, and I firmly believe that I'm one of the people that's never going to find "the one". I'm not sad about it, and I don't see it as a bad thing. I'm not saying I'll never ever get into a relationship again, I can't tell the future, but I don't think I'm ever going to have something permanent. Honestly, I don't know if it's even possible for me to have a functional relationship that isn't an abusive mess just because that seems to be the only type of person I attract, so all romantic relationships have ever done for me is just drain me. I guess I am a little jaded, but I don't think I trust anyone enough to be vulnerable and let my guard down enough to fall in love. It's just easier to have fun while it lasts and then end it when the inevitable red flags start popping up.
I just feel better when I don't have a partner to worry about. I feel like myself, I take better care of myself and my overall mental health seems to be a little better. Obviously I still have depressive episodes and all that, but I feel more capable of taking the steps to get out of it when I don't have someone else to worry about on top of everything. The only person that's ever made me feel energized, inspired and motivated and still feeling like myself was Aaron, but he turned out to be a raging narcissist with baby rabies, and I'm pretty sure that was just the love-bombing phase seeing as how he had no problems discarding me when he realized I wouldn't be a prize brood mare for him so I mean, yeah. I'm pretty convinced that I'm just bait for narcissists and I don't think it's possible for me to romantically attract someone stable. It's really not worth it for me. Plus with all the recent fuckery with A, it's just driven the point home further. I'm better off single and having occasional hookups and maybe some fuckbuddies along the way. I know I desperately need therapy regardless.
There's really not someone out there for everyone, and I firmly believe that I'm one of the people that's never going to find "the one". I'm not sad about it, and I don't see it as a bad thing. I'm not saying I'll never ever get into a relationship again, I can't tell the future, but I don't think I'm ever going to have something permanent. Honestly, I don't know if it's even possible for me to have a functional relationship that isn't an abusive mess just because that seems to be the only type of person I attract, so all romantic relationships have ever done for me is just drain me. I guess I am a little jaded, but I don't think I trust anyone enough to be vulnerable and let my guard down enough to fall in love. It's just easier to have fun while it lasts and then end it when the inevitable red flags start popping up.
I just feel better when I don't have a partner to worry about. I feel like myself, I take better care of myself and my overall mental health seems to be a little better. Obviously I still have depressive episodes and all that, but I feel more capable of taking the steps to get out of it when I don't have someone else to worry about on top of everything. The only person that's ever made me feel energized, inspired and motivated and still feeling like myself was Aaron, but he turned out to be a raging narcissist with baby rabies, and I'm pretty sure that was just the love-bombing phase seeing as how he had no problems discarding me when he realized I wouldn't be a prize brood mare for him so I mean, yeah. I'm pretty convinced that I'm just bait for narcissists and I don't think it's possible for me to romantically attract someone stable. It's really not worth it for me. Plus with all the recent fuckery with A, it's just driven the point home further. I'm better off single and having occasional hookups and maybe some fuckbuddies along the way. I know I desperately need therapy regardless.