(no subject)
Well I finally did it. We broke up last thursday. We decided to stay friends. I think it was definitely for the best, his life seems to be looking up and it's so much less stressful talking to him now.
My stupid ho ass though...fucking hell. On Monday night the guy I went to college with that I fucked last summer hit me up again and was basically telling me how stupid he was to let me go. So we sent some ~pictures back and forth and made plans to go swimming at his place and hook up on Thursday. Yesterday he said he really wanted to see me, I had a few hair appointments to do a little later that night but said sure as long as I got back in time. So he picked me up about an hour and a half before that and took me back to his house and we had some amazing AMAZING sex. It was really intense and intimate and it was exactly what I needed after 7 months of unenjoyable sex and 5 months of voluntary celibacy. I was in a euphoric haze for the rest of the night and later on I sent him some more pictures and then fell asleep.
Well, I'm fucking stupid and I can't believe I fell for this bullshit again. I haven't heard from him at all today. I sent him a text this morning with no response. So i'm almost 100% positive he's ghosting me which is great. Last time he just blew me off but this time he didn't even do that so i'm not holding out any hope that our plans for tomorrow are happening. I'm so fucking mad at myself. Can I have one dude that fucks me that good that i'm actually attracted to that doesn't bounce as soon as they get what they want? For fuck's sake. At least have the goddamn decency to tell me you don't want to see me again. I don't even know if I should bother messaging him tomorrow.
I'm so fucking angry. Like I get he's had some shit luck with relationships and might be afraid to get emotionally involved but that's not my fucking problem. Don't fuck me or be intimate with me if you can't keep your feelings out of it or if you're afraid you might get attached. I'm so sick of being a sucker and believing all the "oh I missed you I was scared before and I was stupid to let you go" shit. Don't pretend you actually give two shits about me as a person when you know damn well that as soon as I put out you'll blow me off and ghost me. Fuck you. I'm tired of being built up and let down constantly. If you want to be fuck buddies, fine. But make sure you can handle it emotionally before you dive in because seriously it doesn't matter if you "feel bad" because you think I deserve more or whatever. I can handle a FWB situation if that's what you want. You obviously can't which pisses me off because you won't even be straight up with me, you talk a big game, fuck me really well, then just run away. I'll probably get another drunken text months from now that says the same fucking thing. If i'm just cheap pussy to you I DON'T CARE. I like getting laid too. But don't run off like a scared little puss the day after you fuck me. BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS. I'm fucking sick of this shit. I need consistency and you're wasting my fucking time.
I guess I kind of deserve this though after all the bitching I did about a relationship I was never 100% into that I entered and stayed in for way too long. Yay payback for me I guess >.> I need to keep my mouth shut more. And maybe not get all excited after one good lay. That seems to be my maximum quota of good sexual experiences for the past three years. I really should just give up trying to have any kind of sexual relationship and take up camming or something. At least then i'd be making money off of what all these not-shit dudes have been getting from me for free.
My stupid ho ass though...fucking hell. On Monday night the guy I went to college with that I fucked last summer hit me up again and was basically telling me how stupid he was to let me go. So we sent some ~pictures back and forth and made plans to go swimming at his place and hook up on Thursday. Yesterday he said he really wanted to see me, I had a few hair appointments to do a little later that night but said sure as long as I got back in time. So he picked me up about an hour and a half before that and took me back to his house and we had some amazing AMAZING sex. It was really intense and intimate and it was exactly what I needed after 7 months of unenjoyable sex and 5 months of voluntary celibacy. I was in a euphoric haze for the rest of the night and later on I sent him some more pictures and then fell asleep.
Well, I'm fucking stupid and I can't believe I fell for this bullshit again. I haven't heard from him at all today. I sent him a text this morning with no response. So i'm almost 100% positive he's ghosting me which is great. Last time he just blew me off but this time he didn't even do that so i'm not holding out any hope that our plans for tomorrow are happening. I'm so fucking mad at myself. Can I have one dude that fucks me that good that i'm actually attracted to that doesn't bounce as soon as they get what they want? For fuck's sake. At least have the goddamn decency to tell me you don't want to see me again. I don't even know if I should bother messaging him tomorrow.
I'm so fucking angry. Like I get he's had some shit luck with relationships and might be afraid to get emotionally involved but that's not my fucking problem. Don't fuck me or be intimate with me if you can't keep your feelings out of it or if you're afraid you might get attached. I'm so sick of being a sucker and believing all the "oh I missed you I was scared before and I was stupid to let you go" shit. Don't pretend you actually give two shits about me as a person when you know damn well that as soon as I put out you'll blow me off and ghost me. Fuck you. I'm tired of being built up and let down constantly. If you want to be fuck buddies, fine. But make sure you can handle it emotionally before you dive in because seriously it doesn't matter if you "feel bad" because you think I deserve more or whatever. I can handle a FWB situation if that's what you want. You obviously can't which pisses me off because you won't even be straight up with me, you talk a big game, fuck me really well, then just run away. I'll probably get another drunken text months from now that says the same fucking thing. If i'm just cheap pussy to you I DON'T CARE. I like getting laid too. But don't run off like a scared little puss the day after you fuck me. BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS. I'm fucking sick of this shit. I need consistency and you're wasting my fucking time.
I guess I kind of deserve this though after all the bitching I did about a relationship I was never 100% into that I entered and stayed in for way too long. Yay payback for me I guess >.> I need to keep my mouth shut more. And maybe not get all excited after one good lay. That seems to be my maximum quota of good sexual experiences for the past three years. I really should just give up trying to have any kind of sexual relationship and take up camming or something. At least then i'd be making money off of what all these not-shit dudes have been getting from me for free.