Swan Song, 4/5 (Multi-Chaptered, EXO)
Title: Swan Song
Fandom: EXO
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Xiumin/Luhan
Warning(s): Character Death. Mentions of Suicide, Homophobia, Bullying and Cancer.
Summary: After being involved in a dangerous car accident, Luhan's life is turned upside down when he wakes up with the ability to see and interact with ghosts. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if it wasn't for the fact that he's terrified of them. But with the help of a stranger, turned friend and maybe more, he begins to work through his fears. But life is never that fair.
You can't escape death.
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Author's notes: Written for the soccerncoffee fic exchange.
---
"They tried to get me to see a therapist, a counsellor..." Chanyeol said, his voice soft and almost distracted as he twiddled a pencil in his fingers.
Luhan looked up from where he had been making notes on the sheet music. They were at the coffee shop again, it becoming their usual meeting place to work on the song together, for now anyway. Once they would need to actually work on it on an instrument then they would move to one of their apartments, but for now the coffee shop was more than adequate for their needs.
They hadn't managed to improve it much since their initial meeting, but they had managed to pinpoint the area where it needed to be altered. Now they were coming up with ideas of how to alter the lyrics so they weren't so heavy.
"Yeah?" He asked, knowing that Chanyeol was wanting a verbal response to his statement before he would continue.
"Yeah. They wanted me to talk about what happened... with Baekhyun." The teenager said before a loud snort left his nose. "I refused. How can someone who doesn't even know anything about me or Baekhyun, who doesn't know what we've been through... how can anything they say make any difference?"
Luhan remained quiet, just letting the young male talk.
"I didn't want some doctor giving me some clinical analysis on what my problem is." Chanyeol said, shaking his head. "It's obvious what's wrong. I don't need some shrink to tell me. I can't talk about it, that's what it comes down to. I find it so hard to talk about him and what he did. And I don't know why."
Placing his own pencil down, Luhan took an idle sip of his water as he listened. He tilted his head to one side as he looked at the taller. "You're talking about it more now though."
"That's only because it's for the song. Music is something that I've always known, that I've always trusted. And talking about Baekhyun and what happened... it's easier right now because it's helping the song, not me."
The explanation was a little confusing but Luhan got what the younger was trying to say. He thought so anyway. But he couldn't help but give the other a small amused smile. "But by helping the song you are helping yourself."
A sheepish smile greeted his sight accompanied by a small laugh as Chanyeol shook his head. "I know but... it doesn't feel like it." He dropped his gaze to the table top, though the sheepish smile was still on his lips. "It's complicated, I know."
"Whatever works." Luhan said, chuckling softly.
A companionable silence fell over them again, Chanyeol lost in his thoughts and Luhan returning to jotting down more notes on the sheet music. Even with the background chatter of the coffee shop around them, it was peaceful and it allowed them to relax. Luhan worked on music best when he was relaxed.
After a while the younger spoke up again, drawing back Luhan's attention from the sheet music. "I hope that me talking to you about this and about what happened isn't too awkward for you or anything."
"It's not. I promise." Luhan said, shaking his head softly as he gave the other a reassuring smile. "I'm just glad that I can help you in any way that I can. Even if it is by helping you with your music and listening to you when you need to talk."
Chanyeol gave him a rare happy smile, though it was tinged with warmth and gratitude. "Thank you, Hyung."
Hyung... with that one name Luhan knew that Chanyeol had grown to trust him. He felt comfortable enough to speak to him on a more friendly level compared to the somewhat formal aura they had had when initially speaking. That was definitely a good result.
And if he was being honest... Luhan quite liked being called Hyung.
---
Throughout all of his time spent working on the song with Chanyeol, Luhan found himself missing Minseok more and more. He really didn't like being apart from him so often, but Minseok was busy looking after his father. So even if Luhan hadn't been helping out the teenager they still wouldn't have been able to spend time together.
That was why in the rare occasions they could be together, Luhan practically clung to Minseok, almost afraid to let go of him. He would bury his nose into his neck, curling up against him and just breathing in his reassuring scent.
"Are you okay?" Minseok asked him on one of these occasions. They were curled up on the couch in Luhan's apartment, spending a rare free afternoon with each other. So of course Luhan was taking full advantage and had turned into a temporary koala.
"I'm fine." He replied, nodding into the smaller's neck. "I just miss you."
He felt the other's arm pull him closer from where it was wrapped around his waist. "I'm sorry." Minseok apologised. "I would spend more time with you if I could. I miss you too."
"I know. And it's not like I'm not busy myself. So don't worry about it, okay?" Luhan replied, lifting his head for a moment to give the other a tender smile. He leant forward gently pecking the smaller's lips before he spoke again, tilting his head in question. "How is your Dad?"
The expression on the other's face dropped slightly as sadness and worry flooded his eyes. "They want him to stay in the hospital now, where they can monitor his condition better."
"He's gotten that worse?"
"Yeah. He's a fighter though, so we probably don't have to worry about him too much, for a while at least." Minseok said, giving a somewhat affectionate chuckle. "How's Chanyeol?"
Resting his cheek on his shoulder, Luhan hummed softly as he snuggled in closer to the other. "He's doing really well actually. I mean the song is still a mess but... He's opening up more and more each session. Talking about how he's feeling, about how Baekhyun's death affected him... He hasn't told me exactly what happened yet but... I think he's preparing himself to. It's kind of surprising to be honest."
"He does seem to be a lot more ready to move on with his life than what Baekhyun led us to believe."
Luhan pursed his lips slightly in thought before he sighed. "To be honest... I don't think that Chanyeol's the one having a problem with letting Baekhyun go. I think it's more Baekhyun being unwilling to let Chanyeol go."
"That could prove problematic."
"Yeah." Luhan sighed again, snuggling up closer once more. "I think we just need to continue talking to both of them, find out the full story and work out why Baekhyun is holding on to Chanyeol so tightly."
"Sounds like a plan."
---
The apartment that Chanyeol lived in had a very similar layout to the one Luhan called home, though the rooms were a lot smaller. When Luhan had turned up, to help work with the younger on his song, he had had to wait a few moments for Chanyeol to hurriedly clear up the bedding he used from the sofa.
"My parents have the room and I sleep out here." He had explained, his arms full of duvet and pillows which he quickly stored away in a cupboard.
Luhan had simply nodded choosing not to comment and instead waited for the younger to set up the keyboard and pull out the acoustic guitar from his parents' bedroom. Once that was done, they settled on the sofa, sheet music in hand so they could continue working on the song.
"Okay, so I think what we need to do is alter the melody so it moves from sad and melancholic to something more hopeful and uplifting. And combined with lyrics to match, I think that will be what the song needs to become perfect." Luhan said, his fingers moving across the notes he had made on the sheet music.
Chanyeol nodded softly in agreement, his lips pursing into a thoughtful pout. "Sounds good. But... how are we going to go about this?"
"Let's just have a play about and see what we can come up with."
And so the two of them took to the instruments, playing out the song as it was before pausing and making adjustments. A few of the phrases they came up with sounded promising but nothing really stood out. And after an hour or so, the two of them decided to take a break to rest their fingers and to try and refresh their minds.
Baekhyun had joined them at some point and was lurking around silently behind Chanyeol as he went about preparing the two of them some tea. Luhan had given him a questioning look but the ghost had merely ignored him, focusing on the taller's back deliberately.
Why Baekhyun had a problem with him, Luhan did not know. But he wasn't about to let the presence of the spectre put him off from helping Chanyeol with the song.
He took the cup of tea from the teenager, taking a sip and humming appreciatively for a moment. "This is really good."
"Thanks." Chanyeol replied, smiling a little sheepishly. "Baekhyun taught me actually."
"Really?" Luhan asked, his eyes briefly glancing over to the ghost who had turned a soft shade of pink.
The teenager nodded, taking a sip from his own cup of tea. "Yeah. His grandmother taught him and then when he found out I didn't know how to make tea he taught me. 'You need to know this, Chanyeol, otherwise you can't be my friend' is what he said to me. Personally I think he just wanted somebody else to know how to make tea the way he liked it so he wouldn't have to make it every time."
Luhan chuckled softly, shaking his head in amusement. "Well, there is no harm in knowing how to make a good cup of tea."
"He said that too." Chanyeol admitted, completely oblivious to the embarrassed ghost that was next to him. "You remind me a lot of him actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You've got the same kind of personality. Maybe that's why I find you so easy to talk to. You're like an older version of him."
Baekhyun was deliberately avoiding his gaze again, his head dropped and his hands clenched in his lap. Chanyeol's words though did have a ring of truth to them. Even Luhan had noticed that he and Baekhyun were a lot more alike than they would have wanted to admit. "Maybe." He replied, a small amused smile dancing around his lips.
"This may sound like a weird question but... I don't suppose you have a friend who's like me, do you?" Chanyeol asked, his expression one of innocent curiosity.
Thinking about it Luhan couldn't help but smile somewhat nostalgically as he thought back to his life in China. One friend in particular sprang to mind, the one he had been in the accident with, and he soon found himself nodding in answer. "I did actually. His name's Ling, though I haven't spoken to him in a long time."
The young teenager tilted his head in question. "How come?"
The real answer was that after the accident Ling hadn't been able to deal with the repercussions. Guilt had eaten away at him and he had pulled away just when Luhan had needed him the most. He couldn't tell Chanyeol that though so instead he shrugged softly. "We just grew apart."
"That's a shame." The teenager said, giving Luhan a sympathetic smile, and for a moment Luhan was hit with the amusing thought that suddenly Chanyeol was the one soothing him and not the other way around, how it was supposed to be. The younger continued to speak though before he could make a verbal comment on it. "That wouldn't have happened to me and Baekhyun though. We were too close. We would have been together for... well... for forever."
Luhan nodded his head gently, his expression soft as he let Chanyeol talk. "I'm sure you would have been."
"We had planned on it so..." He said, his words drifting off for a moment before he exhaled in a soft sigh. "Sometimes... Sometimes I wish he just would have talked to me. Maybe I could have helped."
A curious frown spread across Luhan's face as his eyebrows furrowed. What did Chanyeol mean? He assumed it had something to do with why Baekhyun took his own life, but since that was still a mystery to him, Luhan couldn't be sure. The ghost himself was looking incredibly uncomfortable, his eyes full of guilt as he stared intensely at Chanyeol. He probably didn't want his friend to continue talking but Luhan knew that it would do them all some good if he did just that.
"What do you mean?" He asked, mentally willing the younger to continue.
"Baekhyun was... he was bullied. We both were. Only I could handle it better than he could."
Nodding softly, Luhan couldn't help but ask the younger for more information. "Why were you bullied?"
Chanyeol let out a snort before he smiled somewhat bitterly. "Look at me. I'm tall, gangly, incredibly ungraceful and clumsy, I have huge ears and I look like a maniac when I smile. Perfect bullying fodder. And what they liked even more was that I just let them do it, I didn't fight back or anything. When Baekhyun found out... he wasn't happy. He never left my side then and when the bullies tried to target me again, he stood up for me."
"So you were bullied first?"
"Yeah." The tall youth sighed, nodding his head gently in emphasis. "They only started bullying Baekhyun because of me. They liked that he fought them back and they took that as a challenge."
"No." A voice popped up from next to them, reminding Luhan that Baekhyun was still there, listening to every single word they were saying. "That wasn't why they bullied me, Chanyeol."
The teenager didn't hear the ghost though, completely unaware of his very existence, and he continued on with his explanation. "It got worse for him though. They started accusing him of something and bullying him because of it. I never knew if it was true or not, because... he never said anything to me. I don't know if he thought that I wouldn't understand, that I wouldn't be accepting of him or what... but he should have known that no matter what... he was my best friend, and nothing was ever going to change that."
Listening to the younger's words and watching how the ghost's expression morphed with every piece of information that was revealed, Luhan began to piece together his own suspicions. And if he was right... it would certainly explain a lot about why Baekhyun had taken his own life. "He was gay wasn't he?" He asked, his voice quiet.
He didn't even need Chanyeol to reply, for the ghost had raised his head quickly, an expression of horror and mortification growing on his face coupled with the steadily deepening blush was more than answer enough. The taller though gave the final confirmation with a small nod of his head. "Yeah. That's what they were bullying him for anyway. Like I said, he never said anything to me about it. And I didn't know for definite until... until I read his goodbye letter."
"Goodbye letter? Do you mean..." Luhan said, his words trailing off. Of course he already knew what Baekhyun had done, the ghost having told him and Minseok when they had first met. But to have Chanyeol talking about it from his point of view... suddenly Luhan felt as if his heart was constricted, a lump beginning to form in his throat.
"He... Baekhyun, he... he took his own life." Chanyeol said, the room around them suddenly becoming devoid of any other sound. "He couldn't handle it any more. The bullying was too much for him. And even though I was right there next to him, he said he felt completely alone. He just wanted it to end and he didn't see any other option for himself."
His heart was completely breaking now. Seeing the pain and hurt in Chanyeol's expression and hearing it in his voice... it was almost too much for Luhan to handle. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, unable to bring his voice any louder.
"He wasn't alone though." Chanyeol went on, his own voice becoming tight with emotions that were clearly swimming in his eyes. "If he had just come and talked to me he would have realised that he was never alone."
A sob resounded from next to them, followed by a whimper. "Chanyeol..."
It was all becoming so much clearer, and Baekhyun's devastation was not unfounded. "You were going through the exact same as him, weren't you? You understood exactly how he felt..."
The younger nodded, causing another sob to echo from next to them. "Yeah." He admitted, an almost defeated look passing over his eyes. "I mean... I'm not gay. I like both guys and girls, but I still understand how he feels... I understand the confusion and the self loathing and the... longing. But I never got the chance to tell him. And I didn't know about him until it was too late."
"Chanyeol..." Luhan started. He didn't know what he wanted to say, but he just wanted to show the younger comfort and support that he clearly so desperately needed.
It was almost like the teenager didn't hear him though for he continued speaking, his eyes glazing over as he just talked. He had obviously kept everything hidden, so pent up and held in that now that he was opening up and talking about it it was all flooding out. "And now he's gone and I'm left behind to try and pick up the pieces. But it's so hard. It's so hard when I still don't even understand myself, and now I have to deal with him not being here as well and I just... It's a lot harder than what people think it is.
"They say that I'm young and that I'll bounce back from this quickly. But it's not as simple as that. He was the most important person in my life and now he's not here. And I hate that. I hate that he's not here. I hate that I'm having to deal with this all on my own. I hate that I'm having to go through this. But I don't hate him. I could never hate him."
This was apparently too much for Baekhyun who, after letting out another loud sob, had stood and fled from the apartment, tears streaming down his face. Luhan's heart broke for him. To find out something so important about his best friend when it was way too late... to find out that if he had only spoken to the taller then they would have been okay, that they would have been able to work through it... That was enough to distress a grown adult let alone a confused teenager.
At least everything was making a lot more sense now. What had previously been unspoken was now out in the air and the whole situation was incredibly clear to Luhan. Chanyeol opening up in this way was the trigger that they needed to finally solve the problem. And as heart breaking as this was for everyone... he was confident that the end was now in sight.
---
Baekhyun had disappeared. Since Luhan's conversation with Chanyeol where the taller had finally talked about everything that had happened, the ghost had gone missing. Or more likely he was avoiding them. They knew he was still around, but it had taken them a few days to finally track him down.
He looked a mess. His hair was dishevelled. His eyes were bloodshot and ringed with red from the vast amount he had obviously been crying. His skin was pale... Byun Baekhyun had broken down.
Even now, after they had managed to persuade him into talking at Luhan's apartment, he still looked almost ill. He kept worrying his bottom lip, causing it to look red and sore. He wrung his hands in his lap, and he looked about ready to burst into tears again at any moment. It was sad to see how much knowing the truth affected him.
And Luhan really wished that, for once, the ghost was actually alive so he could give him a cup of tea or comfort him better somehow. But all he could do was put an arm around him and talk with him calmly.
Minseok, fully aware of everything after Luhan had relayed the events to him about Baekhyun and Chanyeol, was sat on the ghost's other side. It was almost like they were shielding him with their bodies, in the way that parents do with their children. And Baekhyun sat there, sniffling in between them as he tried to pull himself together.
Eventually he took a breath though before finally speaking. "I'm such an idiot. I'm such a selfish stupid idiot."
"You didn't know, Baekhyun." Minseok said, his hand gently rubbing the spectre's back in a soothing manner.
"I should have done, though! Like Chanyeol said, I should have talked to him. I knew something was bothering him, but I never thought to even ask him. I was too wrapped up in my own selfish problems." Baekhyun said, his voice rising slightly as tears sprang to his already red eyes. "I didn't even think of him when I made my decision. I just acted. I left him alone when he needed me the most... How can he forgive me for that?"
Luhan sighed softly, gently taking one of the spectre's trembling hands into his own and squeezing it softly. "You heard what Chanyeol said, Baekhyun, he doesn't hate you."
"But he should! I hate myself for what I did, especially to him. So he should hate me too."
"But he doesn't." Luhan said, his voice becoming firmer. "And he never will. He said so himself."
"Then he's an idiot too." The ghost's voice had dropped to a whisper, and his words caused a frown to spread over Minseok's face, an expression that Luhan knew was mirrored on his own face. The smaller was about to speak up when the shivering spirit in between them let out a whimpered sob. "But he's the best idiot I've ever known. And I really wish I could go back in time or something. Change what I did. Be alive by his side. I wish I had just... talked to him."
Luhan caught Minseok's eyes and they shared a soft smile. It was clear how much the two friends meant to each other, and Baekhyun was now tormenting himself with guilt over what he had done. Chanyeol had told Luhan, the ghost overhearing everything, that he didn't hate his best friend, but the ghost didn't seem to properly realise what that meant. He had been forgiven, but he obviously needed to hear those words from Chanyeol himself before he would believe them.
Some ghosts were annoyingly stubborn, and Baekhyun was no exception.
Luhan had to agree with him though... he really was an idiot.
---
The park was quiet when Luhan, Baekhyun and Chanyeol arrived, immediately heading over towards some very familiar swings, to Luhan anyway. Minseok had a busy schedule again so was unable to be there, but Luhan had assured him that he could handle this by himself. If everything went as planned... he would be leaving with some very good results.
Taking a seat on one of the swings, he immediately took the offered sheet music from the teenager, letting his eyes run over the written notes. The song was definitely looking a lot better now that they had gotten over the initial hurdle. It still needed work though, which was why they were there. To continue working on the song and for Chanyeol to talk it out some more, allowing Baekhyun to hear everything that he needed to hear.
"You were right Chanyeol. Talking about it is definitely helping the song." Luhan said, lifting his head from the paper to give the younger a warm smile.
"I thought it would. Though I don't think I would have been able to talk about it if it wasn't for you. You're just so easy to talk to." He said, smiling somewhat sheepishly as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck.
"Well I'm glad that I can help." Luhan replied, saying those words not for the first time. He let his eyes scan the sheet music one more time before he handed it back to the younger. "Are you up to talking some more? Sorry I had to cut it short last time."
"It's okay." Chanyeol started, shaking his head. "It was probably better to stop when we did. Gave me a chance to just... let out some emotion. I definitely felt better afterwards. So... yeah, I'm up to talking about it some more now."
Baekhyun was looking incredibly uncomfortable in front of them, just stood shuffling on the spot. It took a pointed look from Luhan before he sat down. He had had to get the ghost to promise not to run off and to just listen to everything that Chanyeol would say. And after a while Baekhyun had finally agreed. He needed to hear this. Luhan would have even sat on him or something to keep him there if he needed to. Thankfully just making the ghost promise was more than enough.
"Great." Luhan smiled, curling his fingers around the chains of the swing he was sat on. He was hit with a wave of awkwardness, unsure of how to go about this. The last time the conversation had just naturally progressed to Baekhyun and what had happened to him. But now they were just going straight into it, and because of that he felt like he was floundering for a moment. "So, um... How are you handling it now?" He asked, eventually managing to piece together a somewhat bumbling question.
Chanyeol, luckily, gave the older a smile, nodding his head gently as he began to speak, allowing Luhan to relax. Maybe he wasn't being as ungraceful as he felt with his words. "Better. A lot better. When it first happened, it hit me hard. And even though it still is hard... I accept it now."
"Accept what he did?" Luhan asked, wanting to make sure that he understood completely, and that Baekhyun couldn't misinterpret anything the taller said.
"Yeah. I accept it now. I mean... I can't blame him for choosing to do what he did. I very nearly did the same myself before." He admitted, his gaze dropping to his lap. "Long before Baekhyun did. When I was first trying to come to terms with my sexuality, I was so confused. I felt like I was wrong or something. How could I be attracted to guys as well as girls. That was wrong right? And then coupled with the bullying and everything else that was going on... It all felt a little too much."
In a way Luhan didn't find that admission from the other surprising. He knew what it felt like to feel incredibly lost and confused, to feel unable to handle everything the world was throwing at you. And since Baekhyun had obviously gone ahead with removing himself from the living world, it wasn't surprising that Chanyeol had considered doing the same in the past. "But you didn't do it."
"No." Chanyeol said, a small smile on his face as he shook his head. "I didn't. Because of Baekhyun. Even though he didn't know exactly what I was going through, he stood by my side and gave me the strength I needed to pull through it. He's always been my strength."
Luhan had to glance over to check on the ghost, to make sure that Baekhyun hadn't broken his promise and run away. He was still there though. Looking like he could burst into tears again at any moment, with guilt pouring off of him, but he was still there. "I'm sure you were his strength too, Chanyeol."
The taller shook his head, his smile turning sad as he sighed. "I wasn't enough though. I hope he can forgive me for that."
"There's nothing to forgive, you idiot." Baekhyun said, his voice thick with emotion and barely audible even to Luhan's ear. "I'm the one who made the mistake."
"Do you forgive him?" Luhan asked, tilting his head to the side in question.
"For what? For what he did?" Chanyeol blinked, receiving a nod in confirmation from Luhan before continuing to speak. "Of course I do. I was angry at the start, yeah, but... I've accepted it, for a while now. Of course I forgive him. He's my best friend, and he always will be."
"Chanyeol..." The ghost sniffled, the other's name sounding a cross between a whine and a sob. "I'm sorry."
Luhan smiled warmly, nodding his head gently in agreement. "Friendships and relationships like that never die. He'll always be a part of you." He knew that no matter what happened with himself and Minseok, the other would always be an important part of his life. He would have him in his heart forever. And he knew that Chanyeol would always keep Baekhyun in his heart too.
"Yeah." The other nodded, an almost nostalgic smile on his face. "Even though he's not here any more... He's still giving me strength. And I'm going to use that strength to continue on with my life. I'm going to show that it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to like who you like, and love who you love, regardless of gender. That it doesn't make you any less of a person. It's okay to be yourself, and nothing that anybody else says in an attempt to bring you down and degrade you is worth anything. Because your life is worth way more than their stupid opinions. And I'm doing it all for him, in his memory. Because Baekhyun is worth it. And he will always be a part of me."
The spectre was gazing at Chanyeol in awe, affection shining in his tear-filled eyes. "Chanyeol... You are the most amazing person I've ever met. And I'm so lucky to have had you in my life. Thank you."
"I'm sure he would have really liked that." Luhan said, nodding his head softly as a proud smile spread over his lips. He was proud of these two. They were young and they had been through so much, yet they were still themselves. And Chanyeol had such a good head on his shoulders. He was someone that everybody should look up to as a role model. He had the right mentality and Luhan felt proud to have even met him. "He would have been proud of you. I know I am."
The taller gave Luhan a sheepish yet happy smile, and though he too had tears in his eyes it was clear to see and feel the hope that was radiating off of him. "Thank you. I hope you're right. And I hope that once I've lived my life and my time finally comes that I'll be reunited with him." Chanyeol nodded softly, the smile still on his face as he slowly raised his face towards the sky. "Please wait for me, Baekhyun. And I'll wait for you. I can't wait to see you again."
"I will, I promise." The ghost said, his previously unshed tears slowly sliding down his cheeks, though a bright almost blinding smile was on his face. "I look forward to it. Just don't rush it, okay? Live long and proudly, like I couldn't. I'll be waiting."
---
~Second Bridge~
That day they had left the park as only two living beings. Baekhyun, after promising to wait for his best friend had slowly faded away. His fears had been soothed, he had been forgiven and now it was his time to move on with his afterlife and wait for Chanyeol, just like he had promised.
It had been sad to watch him go, but Luhan also felt proud. He had handled this one mostly by himself. Something he never would have even thought about doing months ago. But with Minseok by his side, giving him often silent support, he had grown stronger. He was beginning to work through his fears and get over them. Ghosts didn't scare him any more. Not really. He still felt anxious around them occasionally, but that initial crippling fear was long gone.
Minseok was what had been missing in his life before. And he was so glad to have met him when he did.
After Baekhyun had moved on, it hadn't taken Luhan and Chanyeol long to finally finish the song. Something that the younger was incredibly proud of, and so he should be in Luhan's opinion. It sounded really good, and no longer did it leave the listener feeling heavy and dragged down. Now it ended on a high point, with the feeling of hope and the promise of good things to come.
Naturally, after their work was completed, Chanyeol began to drift away from Luhan. But he didn't really mind. They were pretty much from different generations and it was only natural that the younger would want to continue on with normal teenager behaviour. Plus Luhan still had his work at the dance studio to contend with, so they found themselves with less and less time to hang out. They still kept in contact, mainly through email, which was nice. But no longer did Chanyeol need Luhan in his life 24/7 like he had done throughout the song writing process.
Thus Luhan found himself with a gap in his life after that. He hadn't realised just how much time he had put into helping the young lad. And with him now fading out of his life, that left him with a small sense of loss. Thankfully Minseok didn't need to spend as much time with his father as before and instead was right by Luhan's side again. That definitely helped to fill in the gap. And Minseok was more than happy to spend days just cuddled up with the other, sharing kisses and simply relishing in each other's company.
They still hadn't defined what exactly they were though. A lot was being left unsaid between them and if there was one thing that Luhan had learned through dealing with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, it was that honesty really was the best policy. Hiding things from those most important to you could end with tragic results. Life was short, and it was much better to just be honest with everyone rather than keep everything quiet and hidden.
He didn't want to end up like the younger two, hiding things from Minseok and ending up living in a never ending cycle of 'What ifs'. No, he wanted to be as honest as he possibly could be with the smaller. He wanted him to know just how much he meant to him, how important he was to him, how much he loved him. He didn't want to live in regret for not telling Minseok that he was the most important person in his life and that he would have been completely lost without him. He needed him to know.
That was why he decided to tell Minseok exactly what he was feeling. Though as soon as opened his mouth to speak he was hit with a rather large wave of nerves. He couldn't let it beat him though. He had to tell the other, he needed to.
"Minseok..." He started, pausing to take a breath as the smaller turned his head to look at him. Not for the first time, Luhan was struck by just how breathtaking the other male was. His features were exquisite, even when they were morphed into a look of curiosity and confusion like they were right then. He was beautiful, and Luhan felt a surge of affection swelling in his heart as he continued. "Meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. You've helped me so much. You give me the strength I need to deal with everything. And I don't think I could have done it without you."
As Luhan spoke he watched as Minseok's face slowly relaxed into an affectionate smile, his eyes shining with happiness. "Luhan..." He started, but Luhan cut him off. He hadn't finished yet.
"You mean so much to me. You're the most important person in my life. And after seeing what not being honest did to Baekhyun and Chanyeol... I don't want to keep anything from you. I want you to know exactly how I feel about you." He said, taking another pause to suck in a nervous breath. He had dropped his gaze down to his hands whilst he had been speaking, but now he raised it again, meeting Minseok's eyes. "Minseok... I... I love you."
The living room was quiet for a moment, the only sound being the quiet chattering coming from the television. It was a little awkward and Luhan felt his body beginning to tense, before a small hand took his and he was greeted with a tender smile. "I love you too, Luhan." Minseok smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. When they pulled away Luhan couldn't help but notice a strange glint in the other's eyes. He was about to ask what was wrong when Minseok continued to speak. "You are the most important person to me too. That's why I have to tell you something."
"What is it?" Luhan asked, tilting his head in question as he gazed at the smaller a little nervously.
"Lu... I..." Minseok started, having to pause, himself, to suck in a shaky breath. "There is a reason why I can talk and interact with the ghosts too. A reason that I kept from you. And I am so sorry for that. You deserved to know the truth from the moment we met but... I didn't tell you. You were so scared and I didn't want to make everything worse. And then over time, I fell for you and I didn't want to lose you. It was selfish of me not to tell you."
Luhan's heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was trying to escape from his chest. What was going on? What was it that Minseok was trying to say? What had he kept hidden from him? And why did he feel like his heart was already breaking? Sucking in a breath, he exhaled it slowly before reluctantly asking again, "What is it?"
"I..." Minseok started again before meeting Luhan's eyes, his gaze full of apologies. "Luhan... I'm a ghost."
Luhan blinked in confusion. He had to have misheard right? How could Minseok be a ghost? That wasn't right at all. No he definitely had misheard. And yet... his gut was telling him that he had heard correctly, and his insides felt like they were beginning to twist up in knots. "What?"
"I'm a ghost. I died twenty years ago, Lu..."
"No..." Luhan denied, shaking his head immediately, as he began to pull away from the other. "No, you can't be a ghost. You can't be." He couldn't believe it. He wouldn't. It hurt too much to even consider that the man he was in love with was already dead. That was unfair. That was a cruel twist of fate, that neither of them deserved. Would life really be that cruel to him?
Yes... Yes it would. Life hadn't been fair to him all along, so why would now be any different?
"I am, Luhan. I'm so sorry. I never should have let it get this far. I should have told you from the start... save us both from this pain."
"You can't be." Luhan said, his eyes beginning to well up with tears. He really couldn't believe that this was happening to him. What had he done to deserve this? "It's unfair. This is so unfair. I've lost you before I could even have you." He said, his voice cracking as the tears broke free and began to slide down his cheeks. He didn't even bother to lift a hand to wipe them away. What was the point? More would just follow.
Minseok was looking at him a little helplessly. Guilt was shining in his eyes and he had his arms lifted, hovering inches away from Luhan. He wasn't sure if he wanted him to touch him or not. He was a ghost after all. He wasn't real, he wasn't alive.
And yet... this was Minseok. His Minseok. And just because he was a ghost that didn't change who he was. That didn't change how much he meant to him. Which was why Luhan flung himself forward into Minseok's arms, clinging to him as he sobbed into his shoulder.
He felt as the smaller let out a sigh, his arms securely pulling him closer as he gently nuzzled his cheek. "I'm so sorry." He whispered into Luhan's ear. "I love you so much and I am so so sorry."
Luhan still didn't want to believe it though. He needed proof.
Yes, the other's disappearances made a lot more sense now. Whenever they would have been around a more intimate number of others, Minseok would make excuses for himself not to be there. He would only be around if it was just them, or if there were so many people that nobody would even look their way. But he still wanted proof.
"Can I see it?" He asked once he had managed to quell his sobs somewhat. "Your grave... Can I see it?" He asked.
Minseok looked down at him and though insecurity was swimming in his eyes and he was clearly unsure, he nodded his head gently. "Okay. If you want to." He replied.
Luhan nodded himself in answer giving the ghost, who was also the love of his life, a tiny smile. He too wasn't sure whether going to see the grave was a good idea or not. It might just do him more harm than good. But he had to make sure. He had to confirm the other's words for himself.
Even if by doing so he would break his own heart even more.
He had to know.
---
Once again the two of them were walking through a grave yard, the backs of their hands brushing as they walked side by side. It was a familiar scene to them, yet this time there was no extra ghost with them. It was just Luhan and Minseok. And it was Minseok's grave they were going to see.
Luhan still didn't want to believe that the man he was in love with was actually a ghost. That was just too unfair. After everything, that not only he had been through but Minseok too, they were now doomed to be in love with someone that they couldn't physically be with. Their relationship had been cursed from the very start.
And yet Luhan didn't regret it at all. He wished that things were different, that Minseok was alive too, but he didn't regret falling for him at all. Meeting him was still the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He loved him, and nothing was ever going to change that.
"Here it is." Minseok's voice broke the silence that had fallen between them, and Luhan followed the smaller's gaze to land on a gravestone that was just in front of them. It wasn't grand or extravagant. It wasn't a gravestone that would immediately grab someone's attention. But it was small and understated giving it a somewhat elegant aura. It suited Minseok perfectly.
Swallowing thickly, Luhan looked over to the other, seeking his permission and reassurance which Minseok immediately granted him, giving him a small smile and a nod of his head. "Go ahead." He said, verbally answering Luhan's unspoken question.
He didn't want to. Luhan really didn't want to approach the gravestone and read the evidential inscription. But at the same time, he did. He felt so incredibly conflicted. But deep down he knew that he needed to do this. He had to know.
So after taking a deep breath to steady his nerves and to try and calm the thumping of his heart in his chest, he stepped forward and approached the somewhat imposing gravestone. His hands were clenched in front of himself, playing anxiously with his own fingers, and his gaze was locked onto the ground. Eventually though he raised his eyes and immediately he sank to his knees.
There really was no mistaking it now. Minseok was dead. He was a ghost. And here was the gravestone to prove it.
'Kim Minseok
March 26th 1970 - August 8th 1994
Beloved Son.'
Four... Luhan had been four years old when Minseok had died. That thought alone was a little strange. But ghosts never aged, that was something Luhan had learned fairly early on after his ability had developed. When somebody became a ghost they always stayed at the same age they were when they died. So even though technically Minseok should have been forty four years old, he was still only actually twenty four.
He had been a ghost for twenty years. That was an awfully long time, and Luhan really didn't know how the other had managed it. There was obviously a reason why he was still lurking around. But he didn't want to know what it was. He didn't want to know, because if he did... there was a greater chance that he could lose him. And that was something he did not want to happen at all. He didn't care if he was being selfish, but he hoped that Minseok would never move on with his afterlife and would stay by his side until he too died so they could always be together.
Letting his eyes scan over the carved words once again, he spoke up. "How did it happen?" He asked, his voice quiet and unsure.
A sigh reached his ears and he felt as Minseok sat down next to him, he too facing the gravestone. "Car crash." He answered, speaking no louder than Luhan had done himself. "I was driving home from work when another car struck the back of mine. I found out afterwards that it had actually been a car further back that had started it. There was a chain reaction of cars running into cars, and unfortunately for me, mine was run into a barrier. I was thrown through the windscreen, over the barrier and died upon impact. It's better than bleeding to death, I guess."
Luhan let out a shuddering breath as he shuffled on the spot so he was sat down properly, his legs pulled up to his chest, before he leant into Minseok's side. "I'm sorry. You probably didn't want to relive that. I shouldn't have asked."
"It's okay. You deserved to know." Minseok asked, wrapping his arm gently around Luhan's back.
They fell into a subdued silence for a while, sat close huddled up together as they gazed at the gravestone before them. Luhan really didn't want to believe that it was true, but the evidence was right there in front of him. There was just no denying it any more. Minseok was a ghost.
Luhan was in love with a ghost. And that was so bitterly ironic to him, that he wanted to laugh. He didn't though. The situation was far from funny at all. And he knew that if he gave in to his urges and started to laugh that his emotions would take over and he would end up as yet another sobbing heap for Minseok to try and look after.
"This is so unfair." He finally whispered, repeating the words he had said many times since he had first found out. "Why did this have to happen?"
"I don't know." The other answered, turning his head and leaning down a tiny bit to press a kiss to Luhan's hair. "But, in a way... I'm glad that it did."
Raising his eyes, Luhan blinked slightly in confusion at the spectre's words. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." Minseok started. "If I hadn't died when I did, if I hadn't have been a ghost for twenty years... we might never have met. If things hadn't happened the way they did, I might never have met you, gotten to know you and fallen in love with you. So, in a way, I'm glad that everything happened as it did. I wouldn't have you, otherwise."
Truthfully the whole situation was so much more confusing than Luhan was comfortable with. It hurt to think about. And he really just had no idea what to do. It wasn't like they could have a real proper relationship after all. "Minseok..." Luhan started, his voice taking on a pleading tone.
"I know." The other started, nodding his head gently before tightening his arm around Luhan's back. "I know how hard this is. But I'll wait for you. I love you so much, and I promise that I will wait for you."
This was just getting more and more unfair. Minseok was absolutely perfect, but Luhan couldn't have him. Yet... the ghost was willing to wait for him. That was way more than he ever expected, and so much more than he deserved. "Minseok..." He repeated, his voice tinged with affection.
"I'll wait for you, but you have to promise me that you'll take your time. Like Baekhyun told Chanyeol, you are not allowed to rush it, okay? You have to promise to live your life to the fullest. I don't want you joining me prematurely. We all have our times to go after all, and I will wait until yours comes. But I don't want you to join me before then. Deal?" Minseok asked, looking at Luhan seriously, though there was a tender and playful glint in his eye.
Luhan's face melted into a tender smile and he nodded his head gently before he spoke. "Deal. I promise that I will live until my scheduled end comes. Happy?" He asked, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.
"Very." The other grinned, nodding back in reply.
Luhan simply laughed happily, his heart full of love and affection for the other as he moved forward. "I love you, Kim Minseok." He smiled before pressing a tender kiss to the Minseok's lips.
"And I love you, my Luhan."
The younger gave him another warm smile before he pulled away quickly. "Oh! I know!" He exclaimed before shoving his hands in his pockets as he searched for something. After a few fumbling moments, he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. "No peeking." He warned, scowling playfully at the ghost before turning his back on him and beginning to jot something down on the paper.
He knew that this was cheesy, and that nobody would understand why the piece of paper with his words on was there, but he didn't care. He loved Minseok, even if he was a ghost. And he wanted everybody to know that out there somewhere was someone who loved the departed soul dearly, somebody that wasn't his father.
Recapping the pen, he slid it back into his pocket before he moved up to the gravestone. Lifting the fingers of one hand, Luhan gently trailed his fingertips down the inscription before a soft smile appeared on his lips. He made sure to hide what he was doing from the other as he carefully stuck the newly written addition to the gravestone. Once satisfied he nodded before shuffling back and leaning into Minseok's embrace once more.
He waited with almost bated breath as the ghost scanned the words he had written, and he felt the arms around him tightening. "Luhan... You are perhaps the most perfect human being in the whole world. And I am so lucky to call you mine."
Luhan simply giggled as he too scanned the words he had written, feeling very proud of himself for making the other so happy.
'Kim Minseok
March 26th 1970 - August 8th 1994
Beloved Son.'
That was the inscription, but Luhan felt that that hadn't been enough. So with the piece of paper and pen, he had added his own words.
'And Eternally Cherished Boyfriend.'
"It's more accurate now." Luhan said, the smile almost glued to his face.
A light-humoured laugh reached his ears, and he soon felt his chin lifted and a loving kiss pressed to his lips. "I love you." Minseok said, repeating the words that they seemed to constantly say to each other now.
Lifting a hand, Luhan gently caressed his boyfriend's cheek. "I love you too." He replied before closing the distance between them again, fitting his lips back to Minseok's.
Unbeknownst to the couple, they were being watched by a dark figure once again. It was the second of the pair that had been following and observing them. He flicked his head, blond strands of hair moving from in front of his eyes as he spoke to himself. "Oh how sweet. They've worked it all out."
The figure pushed himself away from the gravestone he had been leaning against, and he gave the still kissing figures one last glance before he slid his hands into his pockets and began to stalk away. "It seems almost a shame that time is almost up."
His steps were silent as he walked through the rows of graves. He withdrew one of his hands and began to dance his fingers along the tops of the stones as he passed them. "But the clock waits for no-one... Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Not long now."
- - - Part Five - - -
Fandom: EXO
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Xiumin/Luhan
Warning(s): Character Death. Mentions of Suicide, Homophobia, Bullying and Cancer.
Summary: After being involved in a dangerous car accident, Luhan's life is turned upside down when he wakes up with the ability to see and interact with ghosts. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if it wasn't for the fact that he's terrified of them. But with the help of a stranger, turned friend and maybe more, he begins to work through his fears. But life is never that fair.
You can't escape death.
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Author's notes: Written for the soccerncoffee fic exchange.
---
"They tried to get me to see a therapist, a counsellor..." Chanyeol said, his voice soft and almost distracted as he twiddled a pencil in his fingers.
Luhan looked up from where he had been making notes on the sheet music. They were at the coffee shop again, it becoming their usual meeting place to work on the song together, for now anyway. Once they would need to actually work on it on an instrument then they would move to one of their apartments, but for now the coffee shop was more than adequate for their needs.
They hadn't managed to improve it much since their initial meeting, but they had managed to pinpoint the area where it needed to be altered. Now they were coming up with ideas of how to alter the lyrics so they weren't so heavy.
"Yeah?" He asked, knowing that Chanyeol was wanting a verbal response to his statement before he would continue.
"Yeah. They wanted me to talk about what happened... with Baekhyun." The teenager said before a loud snort left his nose. "I refused. How can someone who doesn't even know anything about me or Baekhyun, who doesn't know what we've been through... how can anything they say make any difference?"
Luhan remained quiet, just letting the young male talk.
"I didn't want some doctor giving me some clinical analysis on what my problem is." Chanyeol said, shaking his head. "It's obvious what's wrong. I don't need some shrink to tell me. I can't talk about it, that's what it comes down to. I find it so hard to talk about him and what he did. And I don't know why."
Placing his own pencil down, Luhan took an idle sip of his water as he listened. He tilted his head to one side as he looked at the taller. "You're talking about it more now though."
"That's only because it's for the song. Music is something that I've always known, that I've always trusted. And talking about Baekhyun and what happened... it's easier right now because it's helping the song, not me."
The explanation was a little confusing but Luhan got what the younger was trying to say. He thought so anyway. But he couldn't help but give the other a small amused smile. "But by helping the song you are helping yourself."
A sheepish smile greeted his sight accompanied by a small laugh as Chanyeol shook his head. "I know but... it doesn't feel like it." He dropped his gaze to the table top, though the sheepish smile was still on his lips. "It's complicated, I know."
"Whatever works." Luhan said, chuckling softly.
A companionable silence fell over them again, Chanyeol lost in his thoughts and Luhan returning to jotting down more notes on the sheet music. Even with the background chatter of the coffee shop around them, it was peaceful and it allowed them to relax. Luhan worked on music best when he was relaxed.
After a while the younger spoke up again, drawing back Luhan's attention from the sheet music. "I hope that me talking to you about this and about what happened isn't too awkward for you or anything."
"It's not. I promise." Luhan said, shaking his head softly as he gave the other a reassuring smile. "I'm just glad that I can help you in any way that I can. Even if it is by helping you with your music and listening to you when you need to talk."
Chanyeol gave him a rare happy smile, though it was tinged with warmth and gratitude. "Thank you, Hyung."
Hyung... with that one name Luhan knew that Chanyeol had grown to trust him. He felt comfortable enough to speak to him on a more friendly level compared to the somewhat formal aura they had had when initially speaking. That was definitely a good result.
And if he was being honest... Luhan quite liked being called Hyung.
---
Throughout all of his time spent working on the song with Chanyeol, Luhan found himself missing Minseok more and more. He really didn't like being apart from him so often, but Minseok was busy looking after his father. So even if Luhan hadn't been helping out the teenager they still wouldn't have been able to spend time together.
That was why in the rare occasions they could be together, Luhan practically clung to Minseok, almost afraid to let go of him. He would bury his nose into his neck, curling up against him and just breathing in his reassuring scent.
"Are you okay?" Minseok asked him on one of these occasions. They were curled up on the couch in Luhan's apartment, spending a rare free afternoon with each other. So of course Luhan was taking full advantage and had turned into a temporary koala.
"I'm fine." He replied, nodding into the smaller's neck. "I just miss you."
He felt the other's arm pull him closer from where it was wrapped around his waist. "I'm sorry." Minseok apologised. "I would spend more time with you if I could. I miss you too."
"I know. And it's not like I'm not busy myself. So don't worry about it, okay?" Luhan replied, lifting his head for a moment to give the other a tender smile. He leant forward gently pecking the smaller's lips before he spoke again, tilting his head in question. "How is your Dad?"
The expression on the other's face dropped slightly as sadness and worry flooded his eyes. "They want him to stay in the hospital now, where they can monitor his condition better."
"He's gotten that worse?"
"Yeah. He's a fighter though, so we probably don't have to worry about him too much, for a while at least." Minseok said, giving a somewhat affectionate chuckle. "How's Chanyeol?"
Resting his cheek on his shoulder, Luhan hummed softly as he snuggled in closer to the other. "He's doing really well actually. I mean the song is still a mess but... He's opening up more and more each session. Talking about how he's feeling, about how Baekhyun's death affected him... He hasn't told me exactly what happened yet but... I think he's preparing himself to. It's kind of surprising to be honest."
"He does seem to be a lot more ready to move on with his life than what Baekhyun led us to believe."
Luhan pursed his lips slightly in thought before he sighed. "To be honest... I don't think that Chanyeol's the one having a problem with letting Baekhyun go. I think it's more Baekhyun being unwilling to let Chanyeol go."
"That could prove problematic."
"Yeah." Luhan sighed again, snuggling up closer once more. "I think we just need to continue talking to both of them, find out the full story and work out why Baekhyun is holding on to Chanyeol so tightly."
"Sounds like a plan."
---
The apartment that Chanyeol lived in had a very similar layout to the one Luhan called home, though the rooms were a lot smaller. When Luhan had turned up, to help work with the younger on his song, he had had to wait a few moments for Chanyeol to hurriedly clear up the bedding he used from the sofa.
"My parents have the room and I sleep out here." He had explained, his arms full of duvet and pillows which he quickly stored away in a cupboard.
Luhan had simply nodded choosing not to comment and instead waited for the younger to set up the keyboard and pull out the acoustic guitar from his parents' bedroom. Once that was done, they settled on the sofa, sheet music in hand so they could continue working on the song.
"Okay, so I think what we need to do is alter the melody so it moves from sad and melancholic to something more hopeful and uplifting. And combined with lyrics to match, I think that will be what the song needs to become perfect." Luhan said, his fingers moving across the notes he had made on the sheet music.
Chanyeol nodded softly in agreement, his lips pursing into a thoughtful pout. "Sounds good. But... how are we going to go about this?"
"Let's just have a play about and see what we can come up with."
And so the two of them took to the instruments, playing out the song as it was before pausing and making adjustments. A few of the phrases they came up with sounded promising but nothing really stood out. And after an hour or so, the two of them decided to take a break to rest their fingers and to try and refresh their minds.
Baekhyun had joined them at some point and was lurking around silently behind Chanyeol as he went about preparing the two of them some tea. Luhan had given him a questioning look but the ghost had merely ignored him, focusing on the taller's back deliberately.
Why Baekhyun had a problem with him, Luhan did not know. But he wasn't about to let the presence of the spectre put him off from helping Chanyeol with the song.
He took the cup of tea from the teenager, taking a sip and humming appreciatively for a moment. "This is really good."
"Thanks." Chanyeol replied, smiling a little sheepishly. "Baekhyun taught me actually."
"Really?" Luhan asked, his eyes briefly glancing over to the ghost who had turned a soft shade of pink.
The teenager nodded, taking a sip from his own cup of tea. "Yeah. His grandmother taught him and then when he found out I didn't know how to make tea he taught me. 'You need to know this, Chanyeol, otherwise you can't be my friend' is what he said to me. Personally I think he just wanted somebody else to know how to make tea the way he liked it so he wouldn't have to make it every time."
Luhan chuckled softly, shaking his head in amusement. "Well, there is no harm in knowing how to make a good cup of tea."
"He said that too." Chanyeol admitted, completely oblivious to the embarrassed ghost that was next to him. "You remind me a lot of him actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah. You've got the same kind of personality. Maybe that's why I find you so easy to talk to. You're like an older version of him."
Baekhyun was deliberately avoiding his gaze again, his head dropped and his hands clenched in his lap. Chanyeol's words though did have a ring of truth to them. Even Luhan had noticed that he and Baekhyun were a lot more alike than they would have wanted to admit. "Maybe." He replied, a small amused smile dancing around his lips.
"This may sound like a weird question but... I don't suppose you have a friend who's like me, do you?" Chanyeol asked, his expression one of innocent curiosity.
Thinking about it Luhan couldn't help but smile somewhat nostalgically as he thought back to his life in China. One friend in particular sprang to mind, the one he had been in the accident with, and he soon found himself nodding in answer. "I did actually. His name's Ling, though I haven't spoken to him in a long time."
The young teenager tilted his head in question. "How come?"
The real answer was that after the accident Ling hadn't been able to deal with the repercussions. Guilt had eaten away at him and he had pulled away just when Luhan had needed him the most. He couldn't tell Chanyeol that though so instead he shrugged softly. "We just grew apart."
"That's a shame." The teenager said, giving Luhan a sympathetic smile, and for a moment Luhan was hit with the amusing thought that suddenly Chanyeol was the one soothing him and not the other way around, how it was supposed to be. The younger continued to speak though before he could make a verbal comment on it. "That wouldn't have happened to me and Baekhyun though. We were too close. We would have been together for... well... for forever."
Luhan nodded his head gently, his expression soft as he let Chanyeol talk. "I'm sure you would have been."
"We had planned on it so..." He said, his words drifting off for a moment before he exhaled in a soft sigh. "Sometimes... Sometimes I wish he just would have talked to me. Maybe I could have helped."
A curious frown spread across Luhan's face as his eyebrows furrowed. What did Chanyeol mean? He assumed it had something to do with why Baekhyun took his own life, but since that was still a mystery to him, Luhan couldn't be sure. The ghost himself was looking incredibly uncomfortable, his eyes full of guilt as he stared intensely at Chanyeol. He probably didn't want his friend to continue talking but Luhan knew that it would do them all some good if he did just that.
"What do you mean?" He asked, mentally willing the younger to continue.
"Baekhyun was... he was bullied. We both were. Only I could handle it better than he could."
Nodding softly, Luhan couldn't help but ask the younger for more information. "Why were you bullied?"
Chanyeol let out a snort before he smiled somewhat bitterly. "Look at me. I'm tall, gangly, incredibly ungraceful and clumsy, I have huge ears and I look like a maniac when I smile. Perfect bullying fodder. And what they liked even more was that I just let them do it, I didn't fight back or anything. When Baekhyun found out... he wasn't happy. He never left my side then and when the bullies tried to target me again, he stood up for me."
"So you were bullied first?"
"Yeah." The tall youth sighed, nodding his head gently in emphasis. "They only started bullying Baekhyun because of me. They liked that he fought them back and they took that as a challenge."
"No." A voice popped up from next to them, reminding Luhan that Baekhyun was still there, listening to every single word they were saying. "That wasn't why they bullied me, Chanyeol."
The teenager didn't hear the ghost though, completely unaware of his very existence, and he continued on with his explanation. "It got worse for him though. They started accusing him of something and bullying him because of it. I never knew if it was true or not, because... he never said anything to me. I don't know if he thought that I wouldn't understand, that I wouldn't be accepting of him or what... but he should have known that no matter what... he was my best friend, and nothing was ever going to change that."
Listening to the younger's words and watching how the ghost's expression morphed with every piece of information that was revealed, Luhan began to piece together his own suspicions. And if he was right... it would certainly explain a lot about why Baekhyun had taken his own life. "He was gay wasn't he?" He asked, his voice quiet.
He didn't even need Chanyeol to reply, for the ghost had raised his head quickly, an expression of horror and mortification growing on his face coupled with the steadily deepening blush was more than answer enough. The taller though gave the final confirmation with a small nod of his head. "Yeah. That's what they were bullying him for anyway. Like I said, he never said anything to me about it. And I didn't know for definite until... until I read his goodbye letter."
"Goodbye letter? Do you mean..." Luhan said, his words trailing off. Of course he already knew what Baekhyun had done, the ghost having told him and Minseok when they had first met. But to have Chanyeol talking about it from his point of view... suddenly Luhan felt as if his heart was constricted, a lump beginning to form in his throat.
"He... Baekhyun, he... he took his own life." Chanyeol said, the room around them suddenly becoming devoid of any other sound. "He couldn't handle it any more. The bullying was too much for him. And even though I was right there next to him, he said he felt completely alone. He just wanted it to end and he didn't see any other option for himself."
His heart was completely breaking now. Seeing the pain and hurt in Chanyeol's expression and hearing it in his voice... it was almost too much for Luhan to handle. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, unable to bring his voice any louder.
"He wasn't alone though." Chanyeol went on, his own voice becoming tight with emotions that were clearly swimming in his eyes. "If he had just come and talked to me he would have realised that he was never alone."
A sob resounded from next to them, followed by a whimper. "Chanyeol..."
It was all becoming so much clearer, and Baekhyun's devastation was not unfounded. "You were going through the exact same as him, weren't you? You understood exactly how he felt..."
The younger nodded, causing another sob to echo from next to them. "Yeah." He admitted, an almost defeated look passing over his eyes. "I mean... I'm not gay. I like both guys and girls, but I still understand how he feels... I understand the confusion and the self loathing and the... longing. But I never got the chance to tell him. And I didn't know about him until it was too late."
"Chanyeol..." Luhan started. He didn't know what he wanted to say, but he just wanted to show the younger comfort and support that he clearly so desperately needed.
It was almost like the teenager didn't hear him though for he continued speaking, his eyes glazing over as he just talked. He had obviously kept everything hidden, so pent up and held in that now that he was opening up and talking about it it was all flooding out. "And now he's gone and I'm left behind to try and pick up the pieces. But it's so hard. It's so hard when I still don't even understand myself, and now I have to deal with him not being here as well and I just... It's a lot harder than what people think it is.
"They say that I'm young and that I'll bounce back from this quickly. But it's not as simple as that. He was the most important person in my life and now he's not here. And I hate that. I hate that he's not here. I hate that I'm having to deal with this all on my own. I hate that I'm having to go through this. But I don't hate him. I could never hate him."
This was apparently too much for Baekhyun who, after letting out another loud sob, had stood and fled from the apartment, tears streaming down his face. Luhan's heart broke for him. To find out something so important about his best friend when it was way too late... to find out that if he had only spoken to the taller then they would have been okay, that they would have been able to work through it... That was enough to distress a grown adult let alone a confused teenager.
At least everything was making a lot more sense now. What had previously been unspoken was now out in the air and the whole situation was incredibly clear to Luhan. Chanyeol opening up in this way was the trigger that they needed to finally solve the problem. And as heart breaking as this was for everyone... he was confident that the end was now in sight.
---
Baekhyun had disappeared. Since Luhan's conversation with Chanyeol where the taller had finally talked about everything that had happened, the ghost had gone missing. Or more likely he was avoiding them. They knew he was still around, but it had taken them a few days to finally track him down.
He looked a mess. His hair was dishevelled. His eyes were bloodshot and ringed with red from the vast amount he had obviously been crying. His skin was pale... Byun Baekhyun had broken down.
Even now, after they had managed to persuade him into talking at Luhan's apartment, he still looked almost ill. He kept worrying his bottom lip, causing it to look red and sore. He wrung his hands in his lap, and he looked about ready to burst into tears again at any moment. It was sad to see how much knowing the truth affected him.
And Luhan really wished that, for once, the ghost was actually alive so he could give him a cup of tea or comfort him better somehow. But all he could do was put an arm around him and talk with him calmly.
Minseok, fully aware of everything after Luhan had relayed the events to him about Baekhyun and Chanyeol, was sat on the ghost's other side. It was almost like they were shielding him with their bodies, in the way that parents do with their children. And Baekhyun sat there, sniffling in between them as he tried to pull himself together.
Eventually he took a breath though before finally speaking. "I'm such an idiot. I'm such a selfish stupid idiot."
"You didn't know, Baekhyun." Minseok said, his hand gently rubbing the spectre's back in a soothing manner.
"I should have done, though! Like Chanyeol said, I should have talked to him. I knew something was bothering him, but I never thought to even ask him. I was too wrapped up in my own selfish problems." Baekhyun said, his voice rising slightly as tears sprang to his already red eyes. "I didn't even think of him when I made my decision. I just acted. I left him alone when he needed me the most... How can he forgive me for that?"
Luhan sighed softly, gently taking one of the spectre's trembling hands into his own and squeezing it softly. "You heard what Chanyeol said, Baekhyun, he doesn't hate you."
"But he should! I hate myself for what I did, especially to him. So he should hate me too."
"But he doesn't." Luhan said, his voice becoming firmer. "And he never will. He said so himself."
"Then he's an idiot too." The ghost's voice had dropped to a whisper, and his words caused a frown to spread over Minseok's face, an expression that Luhan knew was mirrored on his own face. The smaller was about to speak up when the shivering spirit in between them let out a whimpered sob. "But he's the best idiot I've ever known. And I really wish I could go back in time or something. Change what I did. Be alive by his side. I wish I had just... talked to him."
Luhan caught Minseok's eyes and they shared a soft smile. It was clear how much the two friends meant to each other, and Baekhyun was now tormenting himself with guilt over what he had done. Chanyeol had told Luhan, the ghost overhearing everything, that he didn't hate his best friend, but the ghost didn't seem to properly realise what that meant. He had been forgiven, but he obviously needed to hear those words from Chanyeol himself before he would believe them.
Some ghosts were annoyingly stubborn, and Baekhyun was no exception.
Luhan had to agree with him though... he really was an idiot.
---
The park was quiet when Luhan, Baekhyun and Chanyeol arrived, immediately heading over towards some very familiar swings, to Luhan anyway. Minseok had a busy schedule again so was unable to be there, but Luhan had assured him that he could handle this by himself. If everything went as planned... he would be leaving with some very good results.
Taking a seat on one of the swings, he immediately took the offered sheet music from the teenager, letting his eyes run over the written notes. The song was definitely looking a lot better now that they had gotten over the initial hurdle. It still needed work though, which was why they were there. To continue working on the song and for Chanyeol to talk it out some more, allowing Baekhyun to hear everything that he needed to hear.
"You were right Chanyeol. Talking about it is definitely helping the song." Luhan said, lifting his head from the paper to give the younger a warm smile.
"I thought it would. Though I don't think I would have been able to talk about it if it wasn't for you. You're just so easy to talk to." He said, smiling somewhat sheepishly as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck.
"Well I'm glad that I can help." Luhan replied, saying those words not for the first time. He let his eyes scan the sheet music one more time before he handed it back to the younger. "Are you up to talking some more? Sorry I had to cut it short last time."
"It's okay." Chanyeol started, shaking his head. "It was probably better to stop when we did. Gave me a chance to just... let out some emotion. I definitely felt better afterwards. So... yeah, I'm up to talking about it some more now."
Baekhyun was looking incredibly uncomfortable in front of them, just stood shuffling on the spot. It took a pointed look from Luhan before he sat down. He had had to get the ghost to promise not to run off and to just listen to everything that Chanyeol would say. And after a while Baekhyun had finally agreed. He needed to hear this. Luhan would have even sat on him or something to keep him there if he needed to. Thankfully just making the ghost promise was more than enough.
"Great." Luhan smiled, curling his fingers around the chains of the swing he was sat on. He was hit with a wave of awkwardness, unsure of how to go about this. The last time the conversation had just naturally progressed to Baekhyun and what had happened to him. But now they were just going straight into it, and because of that he felt like he was floundering for a moment. "So, um... How are you handling it now?" He asked, eventually managing to piece together a somewhat bumbling question.
Chanyeol, luckily, gave the older a smile, nodding his head gently as he began to speak, allowing Luhan to relax. Maybe he wasn't being as ungraceful as he felt with his words. "Better. A lot better. When it first happened, it hit me hard. And even though it still is hard... I accept it now."
"Accept what he did?" Luhan asked, wanting to make sure that he understood completely, and that Baekhyun couldn't misinterpret anything the taller said.
"Yeah. I accept it now. I mean... I can't blame him for choosing to do what he did. I very nearly did the same myself before." He admitted, his gaze dropping to his lap. "Long before Baekhyun did. When I was first trying to come to terms with my sexuality, I was so confused. I felt like I was wrong or something. How could I be attracted to guys as well as girls. That was wrong right? And then coupled with the bullying and everything else that was going on... It all felt a little too much."
In a way Luhan didn't find that admission from the other surprising. He knew what it felt like to feel incredibly lost and confused, to feel unable to handle everything the world was throwing at you. And since Baekhyun had obviously gone ahead with removing himself from the living world, it wasn't surprising that Chanyeol had considered doing the same in the past. "But you didn't do it."
"No." Chanyeol said, a small smile on his face as he shook his head. "I didn't. Because of Baekhyun. Even though he didn't know exactly what I was going through, he stood by my side and gave me the strength I needed to pull through it. He's always been my strength."
Luhan had to glance over to check on the ghost, to make sure that Baekhyun hadn't broken his promise and run away. He was still there though. Looking like he could burst into tears again at any moment, with guilt pouring off of him, but he was still there. "I'm sure you were his strength too, Chanyeol."
The taller shook his head, his smile turning sad as he sighed. "I wasn't enough though. I hope he can forgive me for that."
"There's nothing to forgive, you idiot." Baekhyun said, his voice thick with emotion and barely audible even to Luhan's ear. "I'm the one who made the mistake."
"Do you forgive him?" Luhan asked, tilting his head to the side in question.
"For what? For what he did?" Chanyeol blinked, receiving a nod in confirmation from Luhan before continuing to speak. "Of course I do. I was angry at the start, yeah, but... I've accepted it, for a while now. Of course I forgive him. He's my best friend, and he always will be."
"Chanyeol..." The ghost sniffled, the other's name sounding a cross between a whine and a sob. "I'm sorry."
Luhan smiled warmly, nodding his head gently in agreement. "Friendships and relationships like that never die. He'll always be a part of you." He knew that no matter what happened with himself and Minseok, the other would always be an important part of his life. He would have him in his heart forever. And he knew that Chanyeol would always keep Baekhyun in his heart too.
"Yeah." The other nodded, an almost nostalgic smile on his face. "Even though he's not here any more... He's still giving me strength. And I'm going to use that strength to continue on with my life. I'm going to show that it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to like who you like, and love who you love, regardless of gender. That it doesn't make you any less of a person. It's okay to be yourself, and nothing that anybody else says in an attempt to bring you down and degrade you is worth anything. Because your life is worth way more than their stupid opinions. And I'm doing it all for him, in his memory. Because Baekhyun is worth it. And he will always be a part of me."
The spectre was gazing at Chanyeol in awe, affection shining in his tear-filled eyes. "Chanyeol... You are the most amazing person I've ever met. And I'm so lucky to have had you in my life. Thank you."
"I'm sure he would have really liked that." Luhan said, nodding his head softly as a proud smile spread over his lips. He was proud of these two. They were young and they had been through so much, yet they were still themselves. And Chanyeol had such a good head on his shoulders. He was someone that everybody should look up to as a role model. He had the right mentality and Luhan felt proud to have even met him. "He would have been proud of you. I know I am."
The taller gave Luhan a sheepish yet happy smile, and though he too had tears in his eyes it was clear to see and feel the hope that was radiating off of him. "Thank you. I hope you're right. And I hope that once I've lived my life and my time finally comes that I'll be reunited with him." Chanyeol nodded softly, the smile still on his face as he slowly raised his face towards the sky. "Please wait for me, Baekhyun. And I'll wait for you. I can't wait to see you again."
"I will, I promise." The ghost said, his previously unshed tears slowly sliding down his cheeks, though a bright almost blinding smile was on his face. "I look forward to it. Just don't rush it, okay? Live long and proudly, like I couldn't. I'll be waiting."
---
~Second Bridge~
That day they had left the park as only two living beings. Baekhyun, after promising to wait for his best friend had slowly faded away. His fears had been soothed, he had been forgiven and now it was his time to move on with his afterlife and wait for Chanyeol, just like he had promised.
It had been sad to watch him go, but Luhan also felt proud. He had handled this one mostly by himself. Something he never would have even thought about doing months ago. But with Minseok by his side, giving him often silent support, he had grown stronger. He was beginning to work through his fears and get over them. Ghosts didn't scare him any more. Not really. He still felt anxious around them occasionally, but that initial crippling fear was long gone.
Minseok was what had been missing in his life before. And he was so glad to have met him when he did.
After Baekhyun had moved on, it hadn't taken Luhan and Chanyeol long to finally finish the song. Something that the younger was incredibly proud of, and so he should be in Luhan's opinion. It sounded really good, and no longer did it leave the listener feeling heavy and dragged down. Now it ended on a high point, with the feeling of hope and the promise of good things to come.
Naturally, after their work was completed, Chanyeol began to drift away from Luhan. But he didn't really mind. They were pretty much from different generations and it was only natural that the younger would want to continue on with normal teenager behaviour. Plus Luhan still had his work at the dance studio to contend with, so they found themselves with less and less time to hang out. They still kept in contact, mainly through email, which was nice. But no longer did Chanyeol need Luhan in his life 24/7 like he had done throughout the song writing process.
Thus Luhan found himself with a gap in his life after that. He hadn't realised just how much time he had put into helping the young lad. And with him now fading out of his life, that left him with a small sense of loss. Thankfully Minseok didn't need to spend as much time with his father as before and instead was right by Luhan's side again. That definitely helped to fill in the gap. And Minseok was more than happy to spend days just cuddled up with the other, sharing kisses and simply relishing in each other's company.
They still hadn't defined what exactly they were though. A lot was being left unsaid between them and if there was one thing that Luhan had learned through dealing with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, it was that honesty really was the best policy. Hiding things from those most important to you could end with tragic results. Life was short, and it was much better to just be honest with everyone rather than keep everything quiet and hidden.
He didn't want to end up like the younger two, hiding things from Minseok and ending up living in a never ending cycle of 'What ifs'. No, he wanted to be as honest as he possibly could be with the smaller. He wanted him to know just how much he meant to him, how important he was to him, how much he loved him. He didn't want to live in regret for not telling Minseok that he was the most important person in his life and that he would have been completely lost without him. He needed him to know.
That was why he decided to tell Minseok exactly what he was feeling. Though as soon as opened his mouth to speak he was hit with a rather large wave of nerves. He couldn't let it beat him though. He had to tell the other, he needed to.
"Minseok..." He started, pausing to take a breath as the smaller turned his head to look at him. Not for the first time, Luhan was struck by just how breathtaking the other male was. His features were exquisite, even when they were morphed into a look of curiosity and confusion like they were right then. He was beautiful, and Luhan felt a surge of affection swelling in his heart as he continued. "Meeting you was the best thing to ever happen to me. You've helped me so much. You give me the strength I need to deal with everything. And I don't think I could have done it without you."
As Luhan spoke he watched as Minseok's face slowly relaxed into an affectionate smile, his eyes shining with happiness. "Luhan..." He started, but Luhan cut him off. He hadn't finished yet.
"You mean so much to me. You're the most important person in my life. And after seeing what not being honest did to Baekhyun and Chanyeol... I don't want to keep anything from you. I want you to know exactly how I feel about you." He said, taking another pause to suck in a nervous breath. He had dropped his gaze down to his hands whilst he had been speaking, but now he raised it again, meeting Minseok's eyes. "Minseok... I... I love you."
The living room was quiet for a moment, the only sound being the quiet chattering coming from the television. It was a little awkward and Luhan felt his body beginning to tense, before a small hand took his and he was greeted with a tender smile. "I love you too, Luhan." Minseok smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. When they pulled away Luhan couldn't help but notice a strange glint in the other's eyes. He was about to ask what was wrong when Minseok continued to speak. "You are the most important person to me too. That's why I have to tell you something."
"What is it?" Luhan asked, tilting his head in question as he gazed at the smaller a little nervously.
"Lu... I..." Minseok started, having to pause, himself, to suck in a shaky breath. "There is a reason why I can talk and interact with the ghosts too. A reason that I kept from you. And I am so sorry for that. You deserved to know the truth from the moment we met but... I didn't tell you. You were so scared and I didn't want to make everything worse. And then over time, I fell for you and I didn't want to lose you. It was selfish of me not to tell you."
Luhan's heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was trying to escape from his chest. What was going on? What was it that Minseok was trying to say? What had he kept hidden from him? And why did he feel like his heart was already breaking? Sucking in a breath, he exhaled it slowly before reluctantly asking again, "What is it?"
"I..." Minseok started again before meeting Luhan's eyes, his gaze full of apologies. "Luhan... I'm a ghost."
Luhan blinked in confusion. He had to have misheard right? How could Minseok be a ghost? That wasn't right at all. No he definitely had misheard. And yet... his gut was telling him that he had heard correctly, and his insides felt like they were beginning to twist up in knots. "What?"
"I'm a ghost. I died twenty years ago, Lu..."
"No..." Luhan denied, shaking his head immediately, as he began to pull away from the other. "No, you can't be a ghost. You can't be." He couldn't believe it. He wouldn't. It hurt too much to even consider that the man he was in love with was already dead. That was unfair. That was a cruel twist of fate, that neither of them deserved. Would life really be that cruel to him?
Yes... Yes it would. Life hadn't been fair to him all along, so why would now be any different?
"I am, Luhan. I'm so sorry. I never should have let it get this far. I should have told you from the start... save us both from this pain."
"You can't be." Luhan said, his eyes beginning to well up with tears. He really couldn't believe that this was happening to him. What had he done to deserve this? "It's unfair. This is so unfair. I've lost you before I could even have you." He said, his voice cracking as the tears broke free and began to slide down his cheeks. He didn't even bother to lift a hand to wipe them away. What was the point? More would just follow.
Minseok was looking at him a little helplessly. Guilt was shining in his eyes and he had his arms lifted, hovering inches away from Luhan. He wasn't sure if he wanted him to touch him or not. He was a ghost after all. He wasn't real, he wasn't alive.
And yet... this was Minseok. His Minseok. And just because he was a ghost that didn't change who he was. That didn't change how much he meant to him. Which was why Luhan flung himself forward into Minseok's arms, clinging to him as he sobbed into his shoulder.
He felt as the smaller let out a sigh, his arms securely pulling him closer as he gently nuzzled his cheek. "I'm so sorry." He whispered into Luhan's ear. "I love you so much and I am so so sorry."
Luhan still didn't want to believe it though. He needed proof.
Yes, the other's disappearances made a lot more sense now. Whenever they would have been around a more intimate number of others, Minseok would make excuses for himself not to be there. He would only be around if it was just them, or if there were so many people that nobody would even look their way. But he still wanted proof.
"Can I see it?" He asked once he had managed to quell his sobs somewhat. "Your grave... Can I see it?" He asked.
Minseok looked down at him and though insecurity was swimming in his eyes and he was clearly unsure, he nodded his head gently. "Okay. If you want to." He replied.
Luhan nodded himself in answer giving the ghost, who was also the love of his life, a tiny smile. He too wasn't sure whether going to see the grave was a good idea or not. It might just do him more harm than good. But he had to make sure. He had to confirm the other's words for himself.
Even if by doing so he would break his own heart even more.
He had to know.
---
Once again the two of them were walking through a grave yard, the backs of their hands brushing as they walked side by side. It was a familiar scene to them, yet this time there was no extra ghost with them. It was just Luhan and Minseok. And it was Minseok's grave they were going to see.
Luhan still didn't want to believe that the man he was in love with was actually a ghost. That was just too unfair. After everything, that not only he had been through but Minseok too, they were now doomed to be in love with someone that they couldn't physically be with. Their relationship had been cursed from the very start.
And yet Luhan didn't regret it at all. He wished that things were different, that Minseok was alive too, but he didn't regret falling for him at all. Meeting him was still the best thing that could have ever happened to him. He loved him, and nothing was ever going to change that.
"Here it is." Minseok's voice broke the silence that had fallen between them, and Luhan followed the smaller's gaze to land on a gravestone that was just in front of them. It wasn't grand or extravagant. It wasn't a gravestone that would immediately grab someone's attention. But it was small and understated giving it a somewhat elegant aura. It suited Minseok perfectly.
Swallowing thickly, Luhan looked over to the other, seeking his permission and reassurance which Minseok immediately granted him, giving him a small smile and a nod of his head. "Go ahead." He said, verbally answering Luhan's unspoken question.
He didn't want to. Luhan really didn't want to approach the gravestone and read the evidential inscription. But at the same time, he did. He felt so incredibly conflicted. But deep down he knew that he needed to do this. He had to know.
So after taking a deep breath to steady his nerves and to try and calm the thumping of his heart in his chest, he stepped forward and approached the somewhat imposing gravestone. His hands were clenched in front of himself, playing anxiously with his own fingers, and his gaze was locked onto the ground. Eventually though he raised his eyes and immediately he sank to his knees.
There really was no mistaking it now. Minseok was dead. He was a ghost. And here was the gravestone to prove it.
'Kim Minseok
March 26th 1970 - August 8th 1994
Beloved Son.'
Four... Luhan had been four years old when Minseok had died. That thought alone was a little strange. But ghosts never aged, that was something Luhan had learned fairly early on after his ability had developed. When somebody became a ghost they always stayed at the same age they were when they died. So even though technically Minseok should have been forty four years old, he was still only actually twenty four.
He had been a ghost for twenty years. That was an awfully long time, and Luhan really didn't know how the other had managed it. There was obviously a reason why he was still lurking around. But he didn't want to know what it was. He didn't want to know, because if he did... there was a greater chance that he could lose him. And that was something he did not want to happen at all. He didn't care if he was being selfish, but he hoped that Minseok would never move on with his afterlife and would stay by his side until he too died so they could always be together.
Letting his eyes scan over the carved words once again, he spoke up. "How did it happen?" He asked, his voice quiet and unsure.
A sigh reached his ears and he felt as Minseok sat down next to him, he too facing the gravestone. "Car crash." He answered, speaking no louder than Luhan had done himself. "I was driving home from work when another car struck the back of mine. I found out afterwards that it had actually been a car further back that had started it. There was a chain reaction of cars running into cars, and unfortunately for me, mine was run into a barrier. I was thrown through the windscreen, over the barrier and died upon impact. It's better than bleeding to death, I guess."
Luhan let out a shuddering breath as he shuffled on the spot so he was sat down properly, his legs pulled up to his chest, before he leant into Minseok's side. "I'm sorry. You probably didn't want to relive that. I shouldn't have asked."
"It's okay. You deserved to know." Minseok asked, wrapping his arm gently around Luhan's back.
They fell into a subdued silence for a while, sat close huddled up together as they gazed at the gravestone before them. Luhan really didn't want to believe that it was true, but the evidence was right there in front of him. There was just no denying it any more. Minseok was a ghost.
Luhan was in love with a ghost. And that was so bitterly ironic to him, that he wanted to laugh. He didn't though. The situation was far from funny at all. And he knew that if he gave in to his urges and started to laugh that his emotions would take over and he would end up as yet another sobbing heap for Minseok to try and look after.
"This is so unfair." He finally whispered, repeating the words he had said many times since he had first found out. "Why did this have to happen?"
"I don't know." The other answered, turning his head and leaning down a tiny bit to press a kiss to Luhan's hair. "But, in a way... I'm glad that it did."
Raising his eyes, Luhan blinked slightly in confusion at the spectre's words. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." Minseok started. "If I hadn't died when I did, if I hadn't have been a ghost for twenty years... we might never have met. If things hadn't happened the way they did, I might never have met you, gotten to know you and fallen in love with you. So, in a way, I'm glad that everything happened as it did. I wouldn't have you, otherwise."
Truthfully the whole situation was so much more confusing than Luhan was comfortable with. It hurt to think about. And he really just had no idea what to do. It wasn't like they could have a real proper relationship after all. "Minseok..." Luhan started, his voice taking on a pleading tone.
"I know." The other started, nodding his head gently before tightening his arm around Luhan's back. "I know how hard this is. But I'll wait for you. I love you so much, and I promise that I will wait for you."
This was just getting more and more unfair. Minseok was absolutely perfect, but Luhan couldn't have him. Yet... the ghost was willing to wait for him. That was way more than he ever expected, and so much more than he deserved. "Minseok..." He repeated, his voice tinged with affection.
"I'll wait for you, but you have to promise me that you'll take your time. Like Baekhyun told Chanyeol, you are not allowed to rush it, okay? You have to promise to live your life to the fullest. I don't want you joining me prematurely. We all have our times to go after all, and I will wait until yours comes. But I don't want you to join me before then. Deal?" Minseok asked, looking at Luhan seriously, though there was a tender and playful glint in his eye.
Luhan's face melted into a tender smile and he nodded his head gently before he spoke. "Deal. I promise that I will live until my scheduled end comes. Happy?" He asked, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.
"Very." The other grinned, nodding back in reply.
Luhan simply laughed happily, his heart full of love and affection for the other as he moved forward. "I love you, Kim Minseok." He smiled before pressing a tender kiss to the Minseok's lips.
"And I love you, my Luhan."
The younger gave him another warm smile before he pulled away quickly. "Oh! I know!" He exclaimed before shoving his hands in his pockets as he searched for something. After a few fumbling moments, he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. "No peeking." He warned, scowling playfully at the ghost before turning his back on him and beginning to jot something down on the paper.
He knew that this was cheesy, and that nobody would understand why the piece of paper with his words on was there, but he didn't care. He loved Minseok, even if he was a ghost. And he wanted everybody to know that out there somewhere was someone who loved the departed soul dearly, somebody that wasn't his father.
Recapping the pen, he slid it back into his pocket before he moved up to the gravestone. Lifting the fingers of one hand, Luhan gently trailed his fingertips down the inscription before a soft smile appeared on his lips. He made sure to hide what he was doing from the other as he carefully stuck the newly written addition to the gravestone. Once satisfied he nodded before shuffling back and leaning into Minseok's embrace once more.
He waited with almost bated breath as the ghost scanned the words he had written, and he felt the arms around him tightening. "Luhan... You are perhaps the most perfect human being in the whole world. And I am so lucky to call you mine."
Luhan simply giggled as he too scanned the words he had written, feeling very proud of himself for making the other so happy.
'Kim Minseok
March 26th 1970 - August 8th 1994
Beloved Son.'
That was the inscription, but Luhan felt that that hadn't been enough. So with the piece of paper and pen, he had added his own words.
'And Eternally Cherished Boyfriend.'
"It's more accurate now." Luhan said, the smile almost glued to his face.
A light-humoured laugh reached his ears, and he soon felt his chin lifted and a loving kiss pressed to his lips. "I love you." Minseok said, repeating the words that they seemed to constantly say to each other now.
Lifting a hand, Luhan gently caressed his boyfriend's cheek. "I love you too." He replied before closing the distance between them again, fitting his lips back to Minseok's.
Unbeknownst to the couple, they were being watched by a dark figure once again. It was the second of the pair that had been following and observing them. He flicked his head, blond strands of hair moving from in front of his eyes as he spoke to himself. "Oh how sweet. They've worked it all out."
The figure pushed himself away from the gravestone he had been leaning against, and he gave the still kissing figures one last glance before he slid his hands into his pockets and began to stalk away. "It seems almost a shame that time is almost up."
His steps were silent as he walked through the rows of graves. He withdrew one of his hands and began to dance his fingers along the tops of the stones as he passed them. "But the clock waits for no-one... Tick Tock, Tick Tock. Not long now."
- - - Part Five - - -