(no subject)
i'm so incredibly lucky to have had my pappy in my life. one of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with him, asking him more questions about himself and his life, telling him how much he meant to me. he died four years ago and i felt such shame about how hard it hit me that i internalized a lot a lot a lot of my pain, but also my love for him.
he's so inspiring to me every day. he had such a passion for LIFE. just living, meeting new people, being generous and kind, though somewhat controlling (he was human after all), growing tomatoes and everything in his garden. i miss him so much. i would love to spend one more day with him now. i took for granted him and my yia-yia, thought they'd live to be 100. I really, genuinely believed i had more time with them. I was wrong, so unable to handle how wrong I was - and the grief - that it sucked a piece of myself away from me.
he's so inspiring to me every day. he had such a passion for LIFE. just living, meeting new people, being generous and kind, though somewhat controlling (he was human after all), growing tomatoes and everything in his garden. i miss him so much. i would love to spend one more day with him now. i took for granted him and my yia-yia, thought they'd live to be 100. I really, genuinely believed i had more time with them. I was wrong, so unable to handle how wrong I was - and the grief - that it sucked a piece of myself away from me.