Jackals [SAWFIC]
I'm trying to improve on my gaming so I've got these fantastic prompts which I hope will get Hoffman into-y'know-a better strain of voice. Amanda is a massively awesome rper as are most of the gamers as lastvoyages which is...why I am amazingly glad they'll never read any of this. :|]
In a land of predators, the lion never fears the jackals. -Dexter Morgan, Dexter
The worst day of your life.
Title Optimism is a disease
Fandom SAW
Characters/Pairings Mark Hoffman
Summary First Person POV.
My social worker used to say that there was one constant thing in life. He used to sit me down and say, "One day Mark, you're going to ask for help."
He was ...[he chuckles] laboring under this idea that I had some kind of complex about trying to be the strongest and the best. [his voice turns falsetto] You'll need help Mark, you'll need to talk to someone, it's okay not to be strong, take care of your sister Mark, listen to your sister Mark, we want what's the best for you Mark, you'll need help, take care of her, take care of yourself.
It becomes too...too much. I'm not saying I can't. Don't ever assume that I can't. It's enough to make anyone fall into deeper water. I never slept.
I don't think I've slept...
I don't think I've ever slept. Some nights it feels like I just close my eyes and when I open them again I have places to go. I have to go to John, I have to go to work. There's nothing
John once told me We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. He said...
You're going to think this is funny, but he showed me. He showed me the barest things that make up a human being. He broke it down into parts so that I could see how each one worked
I saw it day after day on the street. Every skell who came into the interrogation room, every case. I couldn't stand it, sex, drugs, lies. One lie after another and then what? They go free. They go free after strangling children and there is nothing that I can do about it. The law...the law is sound.
It's the people who are fucked up.
So I did what I had to do to combat it. I made sure they'd know they would never get off. It's not being high and mighty, it's following [he chuckles again] It's following a long tradition of police work. If you're stupid enough to get caught You're stupid enough to be punished. That's all there is to it.
John broke it down for me. He showed me that I wasn't doing enough. It wasn't enough to talk Eric through planting evidence on that little slut. It wasn't enough to look the other way when Rigg attacked that child abusing bastard Rex. He was a teacher. Did you know that? He was a fucking teacher who hit his own fucking kid.
John showed me truth.
They're squabbling in the mud like the rodents they are. Pigs, vermin, rats, sheep. They fight, they eat, they fuck and go home and call themselves satisfied with this thing called life. They curl in on each other from cold places and ask themselves "why"? as if they could ever understand. They run from horrors, run from killing. They don't help themselves.
That's all I've ever done, help myself. I lost my way, I was broken and John saved me. Watching them made me see the fools they really were.
Law wasn't designed by fools. It was designed by people to exert control and power over a system of animals. You can't put a leash on a dog without some kind of training can you?
Of course not, that would be fucking stupid. It's a leash, all they need is training and I'm the man to do it.
Because I've never wasted my life. I've taken care of myself and others, I've helped them. I'm the one to help them, John taught me how to help them...I want to help them. They need to be helped and I...
Some nights when I'm going through the useless fucks on the internet and reading daily articles and blogs I pity them.
There's good out there. I know it, the law wouldn't exist if there wasn't something worth fighting for there. So I have to fight for it and they'll thank me. What, you don't think they will?
If that's not the case, if they're stupid enough to get caught, stupid enough not to see just what a gift this life is, then they deserve to die.
The lion doesn't fear the jackal in the jungle. I know my purpose, my test, what John set me to doing.
Even on the days I question him and I think about Baxter pleading with me, when I think about Bethson and the way she screamed and how I walked her out of the tunnel to freedom. Even on those days when I lie awake and think of Jill..
You stupid bitch.
You should have done what I asked you to do. Why doesn't anyone ever do what I ask them to do?
I can't fear them. It's another test, there's always another test and I can't fear them. If I do they'll devour me. Jill proved that, John taught me that. So I stay on my guard, so I teach them, so I train them in the right way, the proper way.
The lion doesn't fear the jackal, he puts the bitch on a leash and makes it beg.
What do you consider the worst day of your life?
Title Beer on the counter
Fandom SAW
Characters/Pairings Hoffman and Angie
Summary The details were burned into his memory
They are standing in her kitchen. He has a beer she has a glass of milk. She stares at the corgi magnets on the fridge, he watches the Spanish tile like a hawk. He will remember these details for the rest of his life. They have been arguing.
He realizes (too late, always too late) then that she's been crying the whole time they were talking.
"You can't control people Mark."
He tries to throw her off, "Who says I can't?" (and the oracle shivers)
"You pushed John and I together, we parted on good terms. What, you think that just because I don't choose a cop to spend the rest of my life with it doesn't mean I love you?" She bit her lip, "It means I hate you or despise you in some way? Mark, Seth is a good man-"
"He's a fucking drug dealer!" He's had enough.
"Get out."
"Did I stutter? Get the fuck out!" She ran forward and shoved him, "Get the fuck out! Get out! Get out and don't come back! I hate you!"
"Oh for godsake this isn't the time for hissyfits. Stop acting like you're five."
"Five?"
"...That's it isn't it. I didn't see it until now, how..." she punctuates her words with sobs, "could-I-have-been-so-fucking-stupid."
"I'll always be five to you."
"I can't believe I didn't see it before." she laughed, a hysterical little giggle. "...Always there..."
"Yes. Angie, I'm your brother-"
"Get out and don't come back."
A cold spike ran down his throat.
"Get out." Angelina Hoffman stared at him, "Don't come back."
"Angie..."
"No, Don't you Angie me! Don't you do that Mark Hoffman. I'm not five any more!"
She shoves him, one last final shove, out the door. He grabs the railing before tumbling over her fire escape.
"...I'm not five anymore. I'm a big girl, and I don't need my big brother to protect me anymore."
The ball of ice in his gut turns white hot. Hoffman slams his fist against the wood.
"If you want to ruin your life, that's your own goddamn choice! I won't be a part of it!"
He takes the stairs two at a time, climbs into his car, and closes his eyes tight willing the emotion to go away.
When he opens them again (or so it seems) she's dead.
In a land of predators, the lion never fears the jackals. -Dexter Morgan, Dexter
The worst day of your life.
Title Optimism is a disease
Fandom SAW
Characters/Pairings Mark Hoffman
Summary First Person POV.
My social worker used to say that there was one constant thing in life. He used to sit me down and say, "One day Mark, you're going to ask for help."
He was ...[he chuckles] laboring under this idea that I had some kind of complex about trying to be the strongest and the best. [his voice turns falsetto] You'll need help Mark, you'll need to talk to someone, it's okay not to be strong, take care of your sister Mark, listen to your sister Mark, we want what's the best for you Mark, you'll need help, take care of her, take care of yourself.
It becomes too...too much. I'm not saying I can't. Don't ever assume that I can't. It's enough to make anyone fall into deeper water. I never slept.
I don't think I've slept...
I don't think I've ever slept. Some nights it feels like I just close my eyes and when I open them again I have places to go. I have to go to John, I have to go to work. There's nothing
John once told me We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. He said...
You're going to think this is funny, but he showed me. He showed me the barest things that make up a human being. He broke it down into parts so that I could see how each one worked
I saw it day after day on the street. Every skell who came into the interrogation room, every case. I couldn't stand it, sex, drugs, lies. One lie after another and then what? They go free. They go free after strangling children and there is nothing that I can do about it. The law...the law is sound.
It's the people who are fucked up.
So I did what I had to do to combat it. I made sure they'd know they would never get off. It's not being high and mighty, it's following [he chuckles again] It's following a long tradition of police work. If you're stupid enough to get caught You're stupid enough to be punished. That's all there is to it.
John broke it down for me. He showed me that I wasn't doing enough. It wasn't enough to talk Eric through planting evidence on that little slut. It wasn't enough to look the other way when Rigg attacked that child abusing bastard Rex. He was a teacher. Did you know that? He was a fucking teacher who hit his own fucking kid.
John showed me truth.
They're squabbling in the mud like the rodents they are. Pigs, vermin, rats, sheep. They fight, they eat, they fuck and go home and call themselves satisfied with this thing called life. They curl in on each other from cold places and ask themselves "why"? as if they could ever understand. They run from horrors, run from killing. They don't help themselves.
That's all I've ever done, help myself. I lost my way, I was broken and John saved me. Watching them made me see the fools they really were.
Law wasn't designed by fools. It was designed by people to exert control and power over a system of animals. You can't put a leash on a dog without some kind of training can you?
Of course not, that would be fucking stupid. It's a leash, all they need is training and I'm the man to do it.
Because I've never wasted my life. I've taken care of myself and others, I've helped them. I'm the one to help them, John taught me how to help them...I want to help them. They need to be helped and I...
Some nights when I'm going through the useless fucks on the internet and reading daily articles and blogs I pity them.
There's good out there. I know it, the law wouldn't exist if there wasn't something worth fighting for there. So I have to fight for it and they'll thank me. What, you don't think they will?
If that's not the case, if they're stupid enough to get caught, stupid enough not to see just what a gift this life is, then they deserve to die.
The lion doesn't fear the jackal in the jungle. I know my purpose, my test, what John set me to doing.
Even on the days I question him and I think about Baxter pleading with me, when I think about Bethson and the way she screamed and how I walked her out of the tunnel to freedom. Even on those days when I lie awake and think of Jill..
You stupid bitch.
You should have done what I asked you to do. Why doesn't anyone ever do what I ask them to do?
I can't fear them. It's another test, there's always another test and I can't fear them. If I do they'll devour me. Jill proved that, John taught me that. So I stay on my guard, so I teach them, so I train them in the right way, the proper way.
The lion doesn't fear the jackal, he puts the bitch on a leash and makes it beg.
What do you consider the worst day of your life?
Title Beer on the counter
Fandom SAW
Characters/Pairings Hoffman and Angie
Summary The details were burned into his memory
They are standing in her kitchen. He has a beer she has a glass of milk. She stares at the corgi magnets on the fridge, he watches the Spanish tile like a hawk. He will remember these details for the rest of his life. They have been arguing.
He realizes (too late, always too late) then that she's been crying the whole time they were talking.
"You can't control people Mark."
He tries to throw her off, "Who says I can't?" (and the oracle shivers)
"You pushed John and I together, we parted on good terms. What, you think that just because I don't choose a cop to spend the rest of my life with it doesn't mean I love you?" She bit her lip, "It means I hate you or despise you in some way? Mark, Seth is a good man-"
"He's a fucking drug dealer!" He's had enough.
"Get out."
"Did I stutter? Get the fuck out!" She ran forward and shoved him, "Get the fuck out! Get out! Get out and don't come back! I hate you!"
"Oh for godsake this isn't the time for hissyfits. Stop acting like you're five."
"Five?"
"...That's it isn't it. I didn't see it until now, how..." she punctuates her words with sobs, "could-I-have-been-so-fucking-stupid."
"I'll always be five to you."
"I can't believe I didn't see it before." she laughed, a hysterical little giggle. "...Always there..."
"Yes. Angie, I'm your brother-"
"Get out and don't come back."
A cold spike ran down his throat.
"Get out." Angelina Hoffman stared at him, "Don't come back."
"Angie..."
"No, Don't you Angie me! Don't you do that Mark Hoffman. I'm not five any more!"
She shoves him, one last final shove, out the door. He grabs the railing before tumbling over her fire escape.
"...I'm not five anymore. I'm a big girl, and I don't need my big brother to protect me anymore."
The ball of ice in his gut turns white hot. Hoffman slams his fist against the wood.
"If you want to ruin your life, that's your own goddamn choice! I won't be a part of it!"
He takes the stairs two at a time, climbs into his car, and closes his eyes tight willing the emotion to go away.
When he opens them again (or so it seems) she's dead.