(no subject)
I went thru every picture of my mom we used for her wake. From the beginning of her life, till the end. How could I have been so stupid as to be oblivious as to what was going on? I mean, I caught on during March of last year that she was most likely dying. But come on. Even before then it was so obvious. I could kill myself for not realizing it. Mike and Eddie, too. Maybe we didn't want to know what was happening and that's why we believed our mom when she would tell us that everything would be okay. I just couldn't believe that transitions in those pictures. Like it jumped from my mom having cure-able cancer, to a horrible image that hurts to look at. I sometimes forget just how sick she looked. In this one picture of her and my grandparents, she is sitting between the two of them. She looks like she is about to cry. Her skin is completely yellowed, due to her liver not functioning well, and you can see almost every bone in her body since she only weighed close to 80 lbs, if that. Her eyes are also yellowed. She is half smiling, as if she is unsure of why the picture is being taken. Why her children would want to remember her like this. The anwser to that question... I can't anwser anymore. There is also another picture of my mom with Mikey, on his graduation day. She looks the same. A little healthier, as this was a week and a half prior to the other picture taken. However, she still has that look on her face. That unsure look of why this picture was being taken, and why this was happening to her and her family.
While I was home, it was the anniversary of my dad's death. 6 years. We didn't hear from any family. Talk about shitty. Real fuckin' shitty. I think the only people who remembered were Cara and Laura, and the Showtimes. I don't know, man. How can people say they are "always there for you" when you haven't seen them or heard from them in months. So many bitches came over everyday or almost everyday during the month my mom dying became public... where are they now though? Where the fuck are you guys?
While I was home, it was the anniversary of my dad's death. 6 years. We didn't hear from any family. Talk about shitty. Real fuckin' shitty. I think the only people who remembered were Cara and Laura, and the Showtimes. I don't know, man. How can people say they are "always there for you" when you haven't seen them or heard from them in months. So many bitches came over everyday or almost everyday during the month my mom dying became public... where are they now though? Where the fuck are you guys?