I have a journal. I should probably use it.
Oh Boys, Boys, Boys.
I was coasting along just fine, not being bothered by boys. You know why I focus on an unrealistic target when it comes to infatuation? Because it's unrealistic. There's no pain or loss to be had. I can continue on in my day-dreamy existence, fixating on this target that will only be mine in my mind. Like I'm in a fucking Taylor Swift song or something, you know.
Real boys are too messy. There's too much feeling, and interaction involved, and too many uncontrollable variables. This is why I don't like dating, because there are too many expectations, and I am unfortunately one of those people that has to have EVERYTHING planned out to a T. Possible conversation topics, my outfit, along with the other persons reactions (you see, this is impossible though, because with Real Boys you can't have that. You can't just make something up and have it be so).
Anyway, I guess I am complaining lol because right now my heart aches for the first time in a very, veerrryy long time. For the first time since I began this journal, probably lol. And I hate it. I spend all weekend thinking about this kid, it is driving me nuts. And then on monday, we don't even exchange words.
But you see? Thinking is my problem. If I could only have a moment of peace away from that. Because really, it's getting to the point where it's like every other thought revolves around that boy. Which then in turn, leads to my unrealistic expectations. Which then leads to me being disappointed. Disappointed with myself for not being more pro-active with my dating game.
All because I wanted (more like specifically grew balls of steel over the weekend, so that I could plan out how) to say Good Morning to you, but didn't. Boo Urns.
I was coasting along just fine, not being bothered by boys. You know why I focus on an unrealistic target when it comes to infatuation? Because it's unrealistic. There's no pain or loss to be had. I can continue on in my day-dreamy existence, fixating on this target that will only be mine in my mind. Like I'm in a fucking Taylor Swift song or something, you know.
Real boys are too messy. There's too much feeling, and interaction involved, and too many uncontrollable variables. This is why I don't like dating, because there are too many expectations, and I am unfortunately one of those people that has to have EVERYTHING planned out to a T. Possible conversation topics, my outfit, along with the other persons reactions (you see, this is impossible though, because with Real Boys you can't have that. You can't just make something up and have it be so).
Anyway, I guess I am complaining lol because right now my heart aches for the first time in a very, veerrryy long time. For the first time since I began this journal, probably lol. And I hate it. I spend all weekend thinking about this kid, it is driving me nuts. And then on monday, we don't even exchange words.
But you see? Thinking is my problem. If I could only have a moment of peace away from that. Because really, it's getting to the point where it's like every other thought revolves around that boy. Which then in turn, leads to my unrealistic expectations. Which then leads to me being disappointed. Disappointed with myself for not being more pro-active with my dating game.
All because I wanted (more like specifically grew balls of steel over the weekend, so that I could plan out how) to say Good Morning to you, but didn't. Boo Urns.