Busy Life
I guess I'm just trying to do my best to make everything work. Work, class, shows, relationships, family: its never been more than I could handle, and it currently ISN'T more than I can handle, I guess I just realize more and more than handling it all and not falling behind is a 24/7 kind of thing, and that that doesn't really change as one gets older. Thats terrifying. Terrifying that from here on out, it doesn't get easier. The only thing that changes is more things get added to the plate of things we are expected to handle.
Still I'm in a really happy place right now. There are so many things I have to be thankful for, and lucky for me, I have an amazing, intelligent and beautiful girl to share them with.
I like what Chelsea once said, that in college we are sort of "sleeper cells", just biding our time, gaining experiences and waiting for our chance to shine. College for me I feel is more about growth than technical achievement. Yes, I've learned a lot, gained a lot of experience, and increased my knowledge of my profession, and that only continues, however, finally being a senior I feel like I dwell in a place that has both the motivation I need to keep on moving, working, growing and trying, but the wisdom and dedication to know my priorities, and, more importantly, to know when i need to say Yes and when I need to say No.
I guess I just want to show people I can handle it, that I can do it, that I can be the person I want to be. Lately I've felt like few people really fully believe that I'm fully capable of handling things, like they all smile and nod and say "ok great you can do that go ahead" but really in their heads they're just waiting for me to fail. I feel like people don't believe I've learned some incredibly valuable lessons about the world, time management, priorities and myself in the past few years. I wish I could open a little window into my mind to help people firmly understand my thought process and that when I say "ok I get it now" I really do. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not saying I'm done, but finally, finally, I feel like I'm on the right path and this time I can actually see where it could take me.
I guess I'm not quite sure if what I wanted to say got expressed how I wanted it to, but it feels better to type it out.
Still I'm in a really happy place right now. There are so many things I have to be thankful for, and lucky for me, I have an amazing, intelligent and beautiful girl to share them with.
I like what Chelsea once said, that in college we are sort of "sleeper cells", just biding our time, gaining experiences and waiting for our chance to shine. College for me I feel is more about growth than technical achievement. Yes, I've learned a lot, gained a lot of experience, and increased my knowledge of my profession, and that only continues, however, finally being a senior I feel like I dwell in a place that has both the motivation I need to keep on moving, working, growing and trying, but the wisdom and dedication to know my priorities, and, more importantly, to know when i need to say Yes and when I need to say No.
I guess I just want to show people I can handle it, that I can do it, that I can be the person I want to be. Lately I've felt like few people really fully believe that I'm fully capable of handling things, like they all smile and nod and say "ok great you can do that go ahead" but really in their heads they're just waiting for me to fail. I feel like people don't believe I've learned some incredibly valuable lessons about the world, time management, priorities and myself in the past few years. I wish I could open a little window into my mind to help people firmly understand my thought process and that when I say "ok I get it now" I really do. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not saying I'm done, but finally, finally, I feel like I'm on the right path and this time I can actually see where it could take me.
I guess I'm not quite sure if what I wanted to say got expressed how I wanted it to, but it feels better to type it out.