A Scene Between Sean And Ellie, turned into a Ficlet
Ellie sighed softly as she stood in the bathroom, in front of the mirror that also served as a medicine cabinet. Sean was asleep, as far as she knew anyways, and Jay was out…somewhere. She had no idea where. Probably the ravine or something.
She had other things on her mind though, things that shouldn’t be occupying her mind at a time like this. She was in a home with her new best friend and her boyfriend. Her mother’s words should not be echoing in her ears, tearing at her skin. Why couldn’t she let go, just forget and move on? Why did every little problem bring her back here?
She slowly pulled up her sleeves of her shirt to reveal small fresh cuts that she had been trying desperately to hide from Sean and Jay. If they had known she had started up again, she knew it would not be a pretty picture.
She hadn’t meant to, really, she hadn’t. It had been before Jay took her in. She always so alone, her emotions overwhelmed her. She didn’t know how to keep a hold of herself, so she turned to the one thing that had always kept her sane. Hurting herself.
But now things were getting better again. She had a good place to stay, no rent or food to worry about, a new friend, and the love of her life back. That should be enough right? Enough reason to stop?
Sadly, it wasn’t that easy, it never had been.
And no one knew the truth this time. Every time some one asked, she lied and said it had been a very long time since she had cut. Lies came to her easily. A cat scratched her, she fell down, a glass broke. It was amazing the kind of excuses people would believe.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the medicine cabinet, pulling what appeared to be a CD Case from it. Though anyone who knew her knew it held something entirely different inside of it. Slowly, she began to unzip it, revealing a collection of various blades and razors.
Sean slid out of bed, running a hand through his hair as he yawned. He couldn't sleep, something was bugging him. he didn't know what yet, but when he did he'd fix whatever it was. he walked into the bathroom, squinting in the lightly a hand above his eyes. 'Elle?" he asked and then saw her, his voice dying.
Ellie dropped her case in suprise, causing the razors and blades from inside to scatter on the ground as she spun around to face Sean, a look of fear and gult washed over her face. She quickly tried to pull down her sleeves as she stuttered a response. "S-sean...I can explain..."
"Yeah. You always can Ellie." his voice was strained from trying to control his anger, and his disappointment. In a way, he had failed too. Maybe that was the worst part. He shook his head. "I should've.." I should’ve known was on the tip of his tongue but he couldnt bring himself to say it
Ellie stood there silently, frozen in her place. What could she say? She had stopped for a long time, but when he left, everything fell apart, and it was so easy to fall into old habits. But...she should of been stronger.
"I...tried not to start again, I tried for so long...but things just got worse and worse..."
Of course, it was an excuse. But that's all she could provide. She couldn't justify what she did. She knew it was wrong. But it had made things better for so long...and she was still in such a shock of him coming back, she wasn't sure if she was ready to stop again, though she'd never say that much out loud.
Sean closed his eyes. It had been his fault, because he had left, and left her alone. He didn't want this…couldn’t deal with it right now. "I...need some air." he said flatly before turning and walking outside. So what if he was in his boxers? That didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Ellie was cutting again, and it was all because he had ran, like he was running now.
Ellie sighed softly, closing her eyes for a moment. Would he come back? And what if it was worse when he did? Why would he want to stay with someone like her, someone who didn't change? She was stupid and it was her own fault if she lost him this time.
Sighing softly, she bent down to the ground, beginning to pick up the blades and razors, placing them back in the case, trying to ignore the voice in the back of her head that wanted her to use them.
He stopped on the porch, pulling his knees to his chest. It would've been better if he had stayed away. it would've been better if he had told Jay to go to hell when he'd shown up in Wasaga but he had wanted to see Ellie so bad. He'd missed her so much, and he didn’t bother to think about the shit he'd put her through. but now he had to.
Ellie paused for a moment when she got to the last blade, staring at it for a moment or two. She really wanted nothing more than to drag it across her skin and forget about things for a moment. But would that really solve things? She never expected Sean to find out she had started again, and certainly not like this. But it was her own fault for being careless, like she always was.
Sean didn't know what to do. He'd fucked up so many times in his life. The boy he had deafened in one ear; Rick who was dead now. He thought that Ellie and him had been the only thing he hadn't messed up. But he was wrong. If he couldn’t keep her from cutting, he’d done something hugely wrong. But he couldn’t run...not again. He didn’t know what to do
Slowly, Ellie placed the blade on the floor for a moment before slowly beginning to roll up her sleeve again. She knew she shouldn't continue, especially not now, but part of her almost didn't care. It wasn't like things could get worse could they? At it was, Sean probably wasn't going to stay with her. Not that she blamed him.
And then she shook her head slightly, picking herself up from the floor. No. This wouldn't solve things. She had lost everything else. She couldn't loose Sean as well. Not again.
Taking a deep breath, Ellie exited the bathroom and headed outside, finding Sean on the porch, crouching down next to him, remaining silent, as if unsure of what she should say.
“I can’t lose you Elle." Sean’s voice was tight with emotion. "You're the only good thing in my life." he stared ahead, unable to look at her. "I love so much. And I still managed to screw things up, and I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry." he lowered his head, closing his eyes tightly.
Ellie sat their, frozen in her place again for a moment before gently wrapping her arms around Sean, sighing softly. "This...this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for what I do...Only I have control over that..."
And as she sat there, with Sean in her arms, Ellie blinked back a few rebellious tears that threatened her eyes. She knew that unless she stopped, she would ruin everything with him. But the question was, was she strong enough to stop?
Somehow, she doubted it.
((OOC: More or less off my hiatus, as I need something to take my mind off things, and RP works well for this))