Letting go again

[eleanorerigby]

Letting go of it... I love you but you're too much of a chicken shit to tell me what's up. You can't just stand up and say 'thanks but no thanks' and that may be enough for it not to work out. Funny thing is I still feel the same, but I can blur you out now. I can shift you to the side of my vision and try to not bother you. I wish I could just recant everything I said although I still mean it all... you're too elusive. Who needs elusive? As though people weren't hard enough to figure out. I'm still learning Hebrew. I still want to visit, more now as I learn more... but I don't think I need to worry about relocating. I'm not exotic or foreign. I'm not thin or beautiful or morally superior. I'm just me. I don't need to change anybody, I just love them the way they come and if you think I'm anything other than that I think you're delusional. I don't know what you think is going on in my head but it's telling enough that you haven't bothered to try and figure it out. So I go on. Alone. Sad and somewhat resigned to be alone forever... because that is my habit. But hey, fuck you and the horse you never rode in on. I love you just the way you are no matter how you feel about it, but I don't need you and I don't need you to want me.

This is me putting you back on the shelf I should have never taken you off of.