Never Is An Awfully Long Time
All children grow up except for one, but Severus, just a boy, doesn’t believe in fairy tales and he doesn’t believe in Peter Pan.
But he’s read it.
* * *
All he knows is children suffer, and their parents keep the windows shut, and there is no such thing as fairies because children cannot fly until they have killed other children, other families, until they have knelt before Hook and learned how.
if you believe, clap your hands…
And there are pirates-murderous, cowardly, vicious pirates, and there is a Captain, there is a Hook and a flash of red eyes…
clap your hands! don’t let Tink die!
But there is a Tinkerbell, and she is a Lily…
clap your hands…
* * *
And there is pretend, when you are thirteen, Severus, that you can both stay in Neverland (Hogwarts) and not worry and not have to have mothers and never grow up either
So when she lays back across the ground, red locks sparking Gryffindor gold in the sun and he thinks fairy and leans over her, his breath catching just, just so and he tells her that red goes best with green, her lips curl up into an endless smile and she says their houses don’t matter, Severus does not need pixie dust because, because…
All he meant was the beauty of her red hair tangled in the green grass.
* * *
Fifth year, their lips meet and
I do believe in fairies, I do, I do
* * *
He doesn’t even mean it, it slipped, but she doesn’t believe him, she has grown up and he realizes he always has been…
Lost boy…James Potter’s grin is humming at him, his hand skimming her waist, lost boy.
* * *
So Peter, you’ve become a pirate.
* * *
The memory of her beneath him, red locks spread over emerald sheets, and he means it this time when he tells her that red goes best with green
But his eyes are black
* * *
Dumbledore is grim, disgusted…
To die would be an awfully big adventure, her voice whispers in his head…
Finding her later, he wishes he could clap his hands, but he’s grown up.
He remembers what Tinkebell (Lily) says to Peter (Severus)
You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
* * *
It seems right he should suffer longest.
Always.
* * *
So Severus, the lost boy, makes his last request, knowing that the true Pan can finally end Hook, but he can hear the clock ticking closer with each gush of warm red through his fingers, so he has to hurry, now…
Look...at...me...
Her eyes are green
Second star to the right and straight on till morning