Oh Game of Thrones
I should start by saying that a Song of Ice and Fire is literally my favorite book series ever. I have read it a grand total of probably four times, and I have skimmed various books at least 6 more times. I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about these people, and I pretty much love and adore all of them.
That being said, in a fit of insanity last night, I decided to watch various clips from the past season of Game of Thrones. It was kind of like a train wreck-it was horrible, but I couldn't look away. I remembered it being awful-there is a reason that I stopped watching following season 2- but like, it was even worse than I remember.
So, if I may, a few brief notes-
1. Why is everything the color of mud? I am being totally serious here. The entire show is like a bad instagram picture. Lannister crimson here becomes dull reddish orange, Kingsguard white becomes an unpolished bronze, even Baratheon gold here has become a muted dun color. Dany’s dragons, described as cream and gold and bright green and shiny black become dun, muddy brown, and greyish. Cersei-who is repeatedly described as having golden blond hair-has a vaguely wheat colored wig (and I point out it’s a wig because I’ve seen wigs that don’t look like wigs, and this thing it most certainly a wig). I’d make more comments about hair, but given that the wigs on this show are all dull colored, vaguely dirty looking, and limp, singling out the bad hair styles would take more effort than I can afford to muster. (I will point out that Sansa’s hair styles border on a level of ridiculous previously reserved for circus clowns, and I find it hard to believe Ned would love the frizzy mop clinging to Catelyn’s head, but hey, I’m not a wig maker so……)
I had a friend point out that with so many characters, you’d think they would want to make people stand out so they are recognizable-people like Thoros, for example. But no, pretty much everyone on that show is a scruffy, bearded man in varying stages of cleanliness. (I have a hard time not laughing when people make comments about the Hound being ugly, because like, how could you tell? With the exception of slight scaring, he looks like every other man on the show.) Everyone’s clothes are all the same color, the amount of unfortunately groomed beards rivals that of anything I’ve ever seen, and the armor is a collected of rusted looked, unpolished cobbled together shit. Like, Tywin Lannister should be in bright, polished, shiny, perfect armor-even Robb Stark should stand out. Instead they look like any number of scruffy men at arms. I mean, kudos for sticking with a style I guess, even if it’s ugly. (I'll never forget watching this one behind the scenes segment where they described making Renly's armor for the show. If you'll recall, it was a vaguely mossy puce green velvet, and according to the designers it took them hours to coat pieces of leather in the velvet and sew it together. Which I feel like is a waste of hours tbh because all they ended up with was the worlds ugliest armor, a weirdo poncho, and the worlds most useless gorget. They could have saved time and money by painting steel plate bright green and inlaying a golden stag, which would have been fucking gorgeous. I legit do not understand their mindsets at all.)
And don’t even get me started on the women’s “gowns”. That is not a gown, it is a bathrobe. (And for those who are like, “but that is more realistic, even GRRM said he improved dye standards for the books” I should point out that I recently watched a program about medieval Europe, and like, yeah, they did have dyes, and they were capable of making pretty deep and colorful clothing items. It wasn’t up to modern standards, but people did wear bright colors prior to the Renaissance. Not everything was dun, dull, and dark). Also, let’s have a moment of silence for the Antler Helm. I wanted an Antler Helm dammit. Also the surcoats no one wears. I love surcoats. GRRM loves surcoats. Who doesn’t love a wonderfully colored surcoat? The costume designers from Game of Thrones.
2. Everyone is old. I know it’s an old complaint, and like “things have to be adapted to different mediums”, but by god. I get that maybe you need to age certain things (child actors don’t grow that fast and all) but like, let’s be real. A mid-twenties Robb Stark who still acts like a petulant 15-year old Robb Stark is baffling at best, and irritating at worst. (Ditto goes for Sansa-she makes a lot more sense if she’s 11 then if she’s 16). If you are going to shoot everyone’s ages up by a huge degree, you have to change their personality too. Otherwise people look foolish, childish, petulant, and also not too bright. Plus, it kind of renders the point of so much of asiof moot. The point is that in the beginning, everyone is young and bright and happy and full of hope. Anyone dying at any age sucks, but a 35-year-old (35 year old? to hyphenate or not to hyphenate) Ned Stark-a man in the prime of his life, with years left and children still to make and a life yet to live-is way more depressing than a 50-year old Ned Stark. (Granted, ida been depressed if Ned died at 108, peaceful in his bed, but still.) 15-year old Robb Stark dying, when less than a year earlier he was playing with blunted swords as a child, has a different impact than it does when he’s thirty (and fucked everything up because he’s a selfish fucker, not a confused and overwhelmed 15-year-old). (Still sad I grant you-although ljbr, the tv Red Wedding was nothing short of utterly hilarious, so congrats on that HBO, but it’s not the same.)
3. They managed to literally ruin every female character ever. It’s actually a remarkable feat. How do you systematically take female characters, who were strong and smart and some of the most brilliant female characters I have ever read, and destroy them one by one. (I’ll give that the little I saw of Dany really didn’t destroy her, since she was never the brightest lbr) but Catelyn, Sansa, Brienne, Cersei? Christ, just watching the Tyrion/Sansa wedding, when they had her kneel? They actually had her kneel. Like, I remember reading that scene, and my heart just broke for her but I was proud, I was so proud of her for standing. She is a 12-year-old little girl who has lost everything and been abused and mistreated and is being forced to marry into a family that has been working to systematically destroy hers. There is not a lot she can do about it, but she’ll be damned if she is going to be forced to kneel on her wedding day, something she has been dreaming about since she was small. Her mother isn’t there and her father isn’t taking off her maiden cloak and her husband isn’t tall and hansom and completely in love with her, but she can have this much. And like, I loved her for it. Or, gods, watching the scene wherein Catelyn Stark actually sits there and says that all the bad shit that has happened to her family is because she couldn’t be a good mom and love poor motherless Jon Snow. I literally sputtered. I was chatting with a friend while I watched, and like, there were no words. I realized they had already gutted Catelyn in the first season when they had her argue against Ned going to King’s Landing, but like, holy shit. And Brienne? When she killed those bannerman after Jaime escaped? Like, the entire fucking point of Brienne is that she hasn’t killed anyone. She plays at being a knight, but she doesn’t really get it. (And contrast this to Arya, who has killed and who does know, and the whole thing is kind of important.) Or let’s take Cersei here, who basically comes off as weak, ineffectual, and mostly a cruel housewife trope whose husband was kind of a jerk, but who spends her days being a mean girl because. I just-these were my favorite characters in the books. It’s astounding to see how they’ve been ruined. Even Selyse. They actually had her keeping her daughter locked up and watching her creepy pickled children, while Stannis was the one concerned with Shireen.
4. The storyline and various scenes and things. In addition to making no sense (I legit do not understand how non-book readers even follow this shit-even I was confused a the Battle of Blackwater, and I’ve read the books like, 3 times) they have taken some of the most amazing scenes in the books and just gutted them. Like, I’m sorry, but the Red Wedding was ridiculous. I mean, just utterly stupid. (If you don’t believe, watch various YouTubes. Book watchers look hella amused, and the number of hilarious videos set to a variety of amazing musics should clue you in) Did no one watch it and think, “hmmm, maybe having Roose Bolton scoot on scene like he’s on a dolly and then stabbity-stab Robb and then scoot off again might look silly?” Or even, “Hm, having a drab colored room full of drab colored people with drab colored lighting might make it a tad difficult to see?” or even “wow, you know, on second thought, Catelyn’s bizarre wax head and red KoolAid fountain doesn’t quite look real” or even “stabbing Robb’s random wife in the baby might look a tad ridiculous, even on the best day.” Like, remember when Dacey Mormot got her head chopped off, and the Smalljon tried to hit someone with some sort of roasted animal leg while the musicians whipped up a frenzy and the atmosphere was charged and frenetic and terrifying? Yeah, me too.
5. Who did the casting tho? I mean, no seriously. Like, no offense to any of the actors, who a)all seem like lovely people, and b)many(most) of whom I have seen elsewhere and do rock. But how do you read certain descriptions in the book, and think, “yes perfect.” I mean, shoving aside the age issue, which is rampant and extreme, like, I dunno. Brutus as Edmure Tully (a mid twenties adorable doofus)? Really? Julius Caesar is Mance Rayder (who looked like a fabulous minstrel with a red stripey cloak)? I mean, even Iain Glen as Jorah Mormot (remember when Jorah looked kind of ape-like and creepy? Iain Glen is fly as hell, is all I am saying. Not a creepy bear man.) Like, idk, I guess if you have a vision or whatever, I’m just saying. It’s like they didn’t even try to cast people who were even in the same vein as the character. I’m not even saying they necessarily have to look exactly the same (even tho it probably is important for certain characters, since traits indicate family ties) but like, at least have the same, I dunno, feeling. (It was far, far too much to hope Daario would have purple mustachios. I gave up hope when Drogo didn’t have bells in his waist length, glossy braid and brass rings on his long, smooth mustachios.
That being said, in a fit of insanity last night, I decided to watch various clips from the past season of Game of Thrones. It was kind of like a train wreck-it was horrible, but I couldn't look away. I remembered it being awful-there is a reason that I stopped watching following season 2- but like, it was even worse than I remember.
So, if I may, a few brief notes-
1. Why is everything the color of mud? I am being totally serious here. The entire show is like a bad instagram picture. Lannister crimson here becomes dull reddish orange, Kingsguard white becomes an unpolished bronze, even Baratheon gold here has become a muted dun color. Dany’s dragons, described as cream and gold and bright green and shiny black become dun, muddy brown, and greyish. Cersei-who is repeatedly described as having golden blond hair-has a vaguely wheat colored wig (and I point out it’s a wig because I’ve seen wigs that don’t look like wigs, and this thing it most certainly a wig). I’d make more comments about hair, but given that the wigs on this show are all dull colored, vaguely dirty looking, and limp, singling out the bad hair styles would take more effort than I can afford to muster. (I will point out that Sansa’s hair styles border on a level of ridiculous previously reserved for circus clowns, and I find it hard to believe Ned would love the frizzy mop clinging to Catelyn’s head, but hey, I’m not a wig maker so……)
I had a friend point out that with so many characters, you’d think they would want to make people stand out so they are recognizable-people like Thoros, for example. But no, pretty much everyone on that show is a scruffy, bearded man in varying stages of cleanliness. (I have a hard time not laughing when people make comments about the Hound being ugly, because like, how could you tell? With the exception of slight scaring, he looks like every other man on the show.) Everyone’s clothes are all the same color, the amount of unfortunately groomed beards rivals that of anything I’ve ever seen, and the armor is a collected of rusted looked, unpolished cobbled together shit. Like, Tywin Lannister should be in bright, polished, shiny, perfect armor-even Robb Stark should stand out. Instead they look like any number of scruffy men at arms. I mean, kudos for sticking with a style I guess, even if it’s ugly. (I'll never forget watching this one behind the scenes segment where they described making Renly's armor for the show. If you'll recall, it was a vaguely mossy puce green velvet, and according to the designers it took them hours to coat pieces of leather in the velvet and sew it together. Which I feel like is a waste of hours tbh because all they ended up with was the worlds ugliest armor, a weirdo poncho, and the worlds most useless gorget. They could have saved time and money by painting steel plate bright green and inlaying a golden stag, which would have been fucking gorgeous. I legit do not understand their mindsets at all.)
And don’t even get me started on the women’s “gowns”. That is not a gown, it is a bathrobe. (And for those who are like, “but that is more realistic, even GRRM said he improved dye standards for the books” I should point out that I recently watched a program about medieval Europe, and like, yeah, they did have dyes, and they were capable of making pretty deep and colorful clothing items. It wasn’t up to modern standards, but people did wear bright colors prior to the Renaissance. Not everything was dun, dull, and dark). Also, let’s have a moment of silence for the Antler Helm. I wanted an Antler Helm dammit. Also the surcoats no one wears. I love surcoats. GRRM loves surcoats. Who doesn’t love a wonderfully colored surcoat? The costume designers from Game of Thrones.
2. Everyone is old. I know it’s an old complaint, and like “things have to be adapted to different mediums”, but by god. I get that maybe you need to age certain things (child actors don’t grow that fast and all) but like, let’s be real. A mid-twenties Robb Stark who still acts like a petulant 15-year old Robb Stark is baffling at best, and irritating at worst. (Ditto goes for Sansa-she makes a lot more sense if she’s 11 then if she’s 16). If you are going to shoot everyone’s ages up by a huge degree, you have to change their personality too. Otherwise people look foolish, childish, petulant, and also not too bright. Plus, it kind of renders the point of so much of asiof moot. The point is that in the beginning, everyone is young and bright and happy and full of hope. Anyone dying at any age sucks, but a 35-year-old (35 year old? to hyphenate or not to hyphenate) Ned Stark-a man in the prime of his life, with years left and children still to make and a life yet to live-is way more depressing than a 50-year old Ned Stark. (Granted, ida been depressed if Ned died at 108, peaceful in his bed, but still.) 15-year old Robb Stark dying, when less than a year earlier he was playing with blunted swords as a child, has a different impact than it does when he’s thirty (and fucked everything up because he’s a selfish fucker, not a confused and overwhelmed 15-year-old). (Still sad I grant you-although ljbr, the tv Red Wedding was nothing short of utterly hilarious, so congrats on that HBO, but it’s not the same.)
3. They managed to literally ruin every female character ever. It’s actually a remarkable feat. How do you systematically take female characters, who were strong and smart and some of the most brilliant female characters I have ever read, and destroy them one by one. (I’ll give that the little I saw of Dany really didn’t destroy her, since she was never the brightest lbr) but Catelyn, Sansa, Brienne, Cersei? Christ, just watching the Tyrion/Sansa wedding, when they had her kneel? They actually had her kneel. Like, I remember reading that scene, and my heart just broke for her but I was proud, I was so proud of her for standing. She is a 12-year-old little girl who has lost everything and been abused and mistreated and is being forced to marry into a family that has been working to systematically destroy hers. There is not a lot she can do about it, but she’ll be damned if she is going to be forced to kneel on her wedding day, something she has been dreaming about since she was small. Her mother isn’t there and her father isn’t taking off her maiden cloak and her husband isn’t tall and hansom and completely in love with her, but she can have this much. And like, I loved her for it. Or, gods, watching the scene wherein Catelyn Stark actually sits there and says that all the bad shit that has happened to her family is because she couldn’t be a good mom and love poor motherless Jon Snow. I literally sputtered. I was chatting with a friend while I watched, and like, there were no words. I realized they had already gutted Catelyn in the first season when they had her argue against Ned going to King’s Landing, but like, holy shit. And Brienne? When she killed those bannerman after Jaime escaped? Like, the entire fucking point of Brienne is that she hasn’t killed anyone. She plays at being a knight, but she doesn’t really get it. (And contrast this to Arya, who has killed and who does know, and the whole thing is kind of important.) Or let’s take Cersei here, who basically comes off as weak, ineffectual, and mostly a cruel housewife trope whose husband was kind of a jerk, but who spends her days being a mean girl because. I just-these were my favorite characters in the books. It’s astounding to see how they’ve been ruined. Even Selyse. They actually had her keeping her daughter locked up and watching her creepy pickled children, while Stannis was the one concerned with Shireen.
4. The storyline and various scenes and things. In addition to making no sense (I legit do not understand how non-book readers even follow this shit-even I was confused a the Battle of Blackwater, and I’ve read the books like, 3 times) they have taken some of the most amazing scenes in the books and just gutted them. Like, I’m sorry, but the Red Wedding was ridiculous. I mean, just utterly stupid. (If you don’t believe, watch various YouTubes. Book watchers look hella amused, and the number of hilarious videos set to a variety of amazing musics should clue you in) Did no one watch it and think, “hmmm, maybe having Roose Bolton scoot on scene like he’s on a dolly and then stabbity-stab Robb and then scoot off again might look silly?” Or even, “Hm, having a drab colored room full of drab colored people with drab colored lighting might make it a tad difficult to see?” or even “wow, you know, on second thought, Catelyn’s bizarre wax head and red KoolAid fountain doesn’t quite look real” or even “stabbing Robb’s random wife in the baby might look a tad ridiculous, even on the best day.” Like, remember when Dacey Mormot got her head chopped off, and the Smalljon tried to hit someone with some sort of roasted animal leg while the musicians whipped up a frenzy and the atmosphere was charged and frenetic and terrifying? Yeah, me too.
5. Who did the casting tho? I mean, no seriously. Like, no offense to any of the actors, who a)all seem like lovely people, and b)many(most) of whom I have seen elsewhere and do rock. But how do you read certain descriptions in the book, and think, “yes perfect.” I mean, shoving aside the age issue, which is rampant and extreme, like, I dunno. Brutus as Edmure Tully (a mid twenties adorable doofus)? Really? Julius Caesar is Mance Rayder (who looked like a fabulous minstrel with a red stripey cloak)? I mean, even Iain Glen as Jorah Mormot (remember when Jorah looked kind of ape-like and creepy? Iain Glen is fly as hell, is all I am saying. Not a creepy bear man.) Like, idk, I guess if you have a vision or whatever, I’m just saying. It’s like they didn’t even try to cast people who were even in the same vein as the character. I’m not even saying they necessarily have to look exactly the same (even tho it probably is important for certain characters, since traits indicate family ties) but like, at least have the same, I dunno, feeling. (It was far, far too much to hope Daario would have purple mustachios. I gave up hope when Drogo didn’t have bells in his waist length, glossy braid and brass rings on his long, smooth mustachios.