eldritchhorrors Title: Love Like Ghosts (7/?)
Pairing: Pike/Kirk
Rating: NC-17
Contains: Sex, Slash, Swearing, Awesomeness. Being a dick
Do I Own It?: No.
From this kinkmeme prompt:
community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/4532.html It probably isn't what the original prompter wanted, but it will come back around to it.
blcwriter also responded to the prompt with this fabulous WIP:
blcwriter.livejournal.com/11562.html I suggest you try it. And by suggest, I mean it is mandatory.
I posted an update last night too, so make sure you read that one first, here:
eldritchhorrors.livejournal.com/4536.html#cutid1 Summary:
Bones said, “Ya know that story? The one where Pike meets Kirk and there’s mentoring and bonding and they tiptoe through the tulips together into happily ever? Well, this ain’t it. Dipshit."
Lieutenant Commander Suul’s survival class was letting out of a small lecture hall, students speaking in twos and threes as they began their diaspora into the rest of the building.
Waiting next to the door, Pike was easily ignored as the students streamed by, focused on other issues. Jim Kirk was speaking in low tones with two other cadets, illustrating his point with hand gestures and dynamism, and didn’t see him as he passed.
Pike waited patiently as Jim finished his conversation with a smile and a goodbye, shouldering his messenger bag and turning. When Kirk caught sight of him the smile faltered only briefly before being firmly pasted back into place. He adjusted his pack with a slight fumble and shied to the side as if he remembered an important engagement.
Pike started after him. “Cadet Kirk.”
Jim kept on moving at an even pace that made it clear that he wasn’t running away. Pike easily caught up to him, and his phony grin and brittle eyes. “I’d like to speak to you.”
“I’ve got it covered. I’m prepping for a HALO jump into hostile territory. After touchdown we need to destroy signs of passage and then start on the recovery op. Me’eel is going to scan in bursts- recon work, that’s her strength. I’m still working on the others. Six people. Four rescue, two victims. Kind of large for this assignment, but doable. “
“Jim.”
“Forty kilometers, but only about half is hostile. Still, I would feel more comfortable moving the hide site every twenty hours even after recovery and leaving the red zone. Definitely no longer than 72, but that’s worst case scenario and only with good BLISS coverage. I’m already dividing up duties, and I know the two being ‘rescued’ will be given a hypo cocktail to simulate something, but I’ve no idea what. Two more weeks to prep.”
“I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Of course. About my survival training, right? Because if you were trying to speak to me about something else, I would have to respectfully decline, Captain.”
Pike grabbed his arm and pulled Jim to the side, into an alcove with a water dispenser. Jim allowed himself to be pulled, but yanked his arm back when they came to a stop.
“Is this ethical?”
“He told you about that?”
“He tells me everything.”
Pike snorted and Jim’s eyes sharpened on him, but he didn’t say anything.
“A lapse in judgment,” Pike said.
“Agreed. I have a class to get to.” He tried to turn, but Pike put himself in front of him, eyes searching Jim’s face.
“Your next class isn’t for another hour.”
“I have notes to go over.”
“I have an apology to make.”
Eyes narrowed before Jim threw his head back and grinned. “Oh. Nice. Make it to the wall. It can be my proxy. It gives as much of a damn.”
“I know I got things wrong. I was an idiot. I need you to know that. I still want to help.”
“Help by being somewhere else. I don’t need your type of help. I’m doing great- even better- on my own.”
“I didn’t mean that type of help.”
“What? Emotionally? Is this your midlife crisis? Because it’s coming on a little early.”
“Don’t deliberately twist everything I say.”
“Explains the car, though.”
“Fuck. Jim. I’m sorry.”
“Yes. You are. And unsubtle. You think this little confessional isn’t going to be hot gossip? Current rumor says I tossed you over when I found out about your hot affair with my mom. Or dad. “His hand went out, tilting from left to right. “It’s a bit vague on which.”
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know about any of it. I made a stupid leap of logic, and I’m sorry. I don’t know if I can make it up to you, but I am sorry.”
“I get it. Now shove off. Sir.” He concluded with a stream of Klingon dialect and walked away, posture stiff and upright as people around them pretended to be absorbed in something else.
Pike wasn’t great at Klingon, and downright pitiful at the more complex dialects, but he could understand a word in seven or so.
But everyone learned how to cuss first.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Hey.”
Jim looked up from Leonard’s bed, where he had spread out various study aids. He had been spending more and more time in Bones’ dorm since his roommate was a dick that kept looking at him funny and the girl at the front desk had become a bitch after he had turned her down. Leonard had though Jim was joking until he had met them. He’d been more sympathetic and less likely to kick Jim out, after.
“There’s a desk for that.”
“Not as comfy.” Jim went back to his notes, pushing up the glasses that had begun to slide down his nose. Not that he would have been caught dead in front of anyone else wearing them.
“Can you please move it to the desk?”
Jim sighed, but complied, piling everything up into the crook of his elbow and sticking a pen between his teeth. He repatriated the desk with his stuff then grabbed a pillow from Bones’ bed to stick under his ass. “Better?”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just have this survival thing soon.”
Leonard removed his uniform, hanging it neatly, before stripping off his underclothes and hopping into the shower. He was only a few minutes washing off the scent of hospital and academics, but was still surprised when he came back into the room toweling his hair and found Jim still bent over a text.
“It’s Friday afternoon.”
“Mnhm.” Jim still didn’t look up. The pen had migrated behind his ear and the glasses were sliding down again, and the whole thing was so enduring Len wished he had a camera. The photo would look great on the dorm bulletin board. Might even make up for the painful demise Jim would surely visit upon him.
“We going out? Grab a bite to eat and then go to that one bar.” Words slightly muffled as he finished drying his face. “The one with that singing alien of indeterminate gender and the two pianos. I got head in the restroom and you got robbed for a change. It was sweet.”
“I don’t think so.”
Leonard grabbed clothes from the small bureau and sat on the bed to put on socks and his briefs. “You said the same thing last week. And the week before that. And you turned down that Trill. I had to man up and hit that instead.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy for a Trill? She had the opening stanzas of the Zero G Xeno Kama Sutra tattooed on her ass. She was a contortionist.”
“I’ve got to be on top of this.” Jim took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before turning towards Bones, who was pulling on a t-shirt.
“On top of, not bogged down by. I don’t want you to burn out.” Bones stood up to slide into a pair of favorite worn jeans.
Jim looked wary, but nodded, letting his pen drop to the desktop. He removed his glasses and sat them down before running his hand over his eyes. They felt gritty and tired, were probably bloodshot. And maybe Bones was on to something, because his brain didn’t feel as absorbent as usual. And, fuck him sideways. He had turned down a Trill.
“So, as your doctor, I am prescribing a night of fun, and no study.”
It was hard not to smile at that, and Jim laughed, getting up and coming over to stand by the bed.
“Have you seen my goddamn belt?”
“Yeah.” Jim lifted his shirt and undid the buckle, sliding the leather out of his pant loops with a swish of friction.
Leonard took the belt with minimal, but expected, bitching, and slid it though his own loops. “What are you? Twelve? Ask a man before you use his stuff.”
Jim smirked. “Used your razor too.”
“Of course you did.”
“Sorry.” Jim sighed. “This emotional maturity shit takes a lot out of a guy.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Leonard ducked, but Jim glared at him instead of lobbing a projectile.
“You’d be proud. Commander Kopriva started comparing me to my dad today and I didn’t tell him to get stuffed.”
“That would have gone over like a lead balloon. He’s married to a species that reproduces by attaching birthing pouches to their mate.”
“Oh. Eww.”
“You have no idea.”
“Quit distracting me with gross medical pouch sex.” He paused while Leonard got a snicker out of his system. “Pike approached me today.” Which shut-up Bones quick-smart.
“You alright?”
“Yes. Maybe. He apologized.”
“Pfft.” Leonard sat back down, leaning on his elbows. His shirt rode up, and he scowled, pulling it back down as Jim raised a pointed eyebrow at his belly button.
“Yeah. I told him.”
“And I told him to stay away from you.” He flexed his fist as if it was remembering just what explosive contact with other flesh felt like.
“I don’t think he’s going to let you hit him again.”
“A man can dream, can’t he?” Oh yeah. Another black eye. Maybe knock loose a few teeth.
“He told me something too. Implied it, actually. You know, don’t you? He told you.”
That derailed Len’s train of thought neatly. Well fuck Pike right in the ear with a football bat. But Leonard was who he was and didn’t pretend ignorance. He was caught out, now he just needed to weather the fallout. “Yes.”
“He had no right.”
Len nodded in sympathy, treading fragile ground, even if Jim appeared to be steady. You could never be quite sure what was going on underneath. It was one of the more attractive, and dangerous, aspects of his personality. “It was a shit thing to do. All of it, but that too.”
“I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to think-“ Less of me. That I’m weak. “Damn it. I’m not broken.”
Low, measured, well-modulated vocals so he didn’t get Jim’s hackles up. “I didn’t think you were. You just got dealt the most shit hand in the galaxy. I respect anyone who can come through that as good as you did. I couldn’t even handle a fucking divorce, and that happens all the time, every day. Of course you aren’t broken.”
“I felt broken, for a while.” Jim made a fist and tapped it against a jittering leg. “But I’m feeling better about it. I am better. I just need to make it obvious to everyone else.”
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get all skittish. I don’t see you any different. I’m not going to piss and moan about how you got to be who you are now, because I like who you are now and the two are tied together.”
“When I’m not being an asshole.”
“You’re my kind of asshole.” He hoped his grin helped diffuse how tense things had become.
“Yeah. Guess I am.”
And he scored, because Jim relaxed just a hair.
“Look. I’m not going to pressure you. But I’m here if you need me.”
“I don’t-“
“Hush, you.” He went pensive as he gathered his thoughts. “Remember, you come to me if you need me. I can handle it. It isn’t pity. You hate that shit as much as I do.” Jim looked like he wanted to argue, but Leonard glared him down. “It isn’t. Because what you don’t understand is that I might need you too. Just as much. There. I said it, and you calling me a girl won’t change the fact that it’s true. So suffer.”
“Oh, nice.”
“Shut up.”
“Mutually co-dependent.”
“I’ll kill you.”
“Like a Venusian soap opera and shit.”
“Dammit, Jim.” Leonard pulled Jim down and next to him so that they sat shoulder to shoulder. It was becoming a common position to find them in. “Trying to have a poignant moment, here.”
Spine slumped, artificial smile dented, Jim leaned into him and went boneless. “Shit. I know. I’ll stop. I just get uncomfortable. Sometimes.”
“I always wanted you to grow up, Jimmy. But I didn’t want you to have to do it this way. I meant what I said. You got a shit hand. But your luck is turning as long as you take the opportunities that are coming.”
“Sounds like something a dad would say.”
“Good. I need to get some practice in for when Jo is old enough to be bitter about her old man.”
“Old man. Ha. Sexy when you grump.” Jim laughed, then grabbed his stomach to laugh even harder. “Wow. I guess I do have a daddy issue after all. Fuckin’ creepy.”
“Join the club, kid.” And, what the hell. Quid pro quo he figured. Leonard pulled out a wallet and dug around for a minute before pulling out a photo to hand Jim. It was worn and raw along the edges, with a slight dog ear in the corner, a photo of a happier time. Himself and his father, Jo-jo, tiny on his hip in a white eyelet sundress that only stayed white for about two minutes after the photo. Already his dad was looking frail and gaunt, but he had still been optimistic, full of himself and his abilities. Ah, the smile of a bulletproof moron.
Jim traced the figures with a reverent finger. “You had all that in Georgia, Bones?”
“I’m from Mississippi.”
“That’s the same thing though.”
“Yeah. I guess it kinda is, now.” Now that he wouldn’t ever be back.
“She was a bitch.” Jims finger stabbed at the photo, skewering a woman who wasn’t even there.
“See, that’s the thing. She wasn’t.”
“But-“
“Jim, sometimes things just get too broken to fix. It isn’t only one person’s fault. Yeah, she could have handled it better. But I coulda’ been there more. Been more available, less of a mess over my dad. Lots of things. You don’t know what it was like. You think I was fucked up when we first met? I was already doing better by then. I’m hopin’ she just needs some time. Then I can see Jo.”
“I hope she just needs some time too. She’s a cute kid.” Jim’s cheek creased into a parenthesis if mirth. “Like her dad. Scowly.”
“Thanks.”
Jim turned over on his stomach and rested his chin on crossed arms, still looking at the photo. “How do you know when things are too broke to fix? How did you know?”
“Lamps flying at your head are a pretty good indicator.”
“Ah. I was expecting something a bit more deep there. Some psychological epiphany type thing. Really, lamps?”
“You know what they say, about wanting in one hand and shitting in the other.”
“Pervert.”
“Ha! Yeah.” Leonard took the photo back, looking at it almost wistfully before placing it face down on the dresser. Then he laid back and stared at the ceiling as he started talking about his father, and euthanasia, expectations, and children, and second chances. They paused much later to order a pizza and lament the lack of a beer delivery service, but neither said anything about going out.
They spoke softly, long into the night, before drifting off where they lay. Leonard had thought Jim already asleep, but he should have known better.
Kid always needed the last word.
“Hey Bones?”
“Hmm?”
“Maybe there’s something to this talking about shit after all.”
“Go to sleep, Jim.”
“Okay.”
Leonard could hear Jim turning, but couldn’t see him in the dark of the room.
“And Bones?”
“What?” This time he let annoyance creep into his voice.
“I don’t tell you enough, but I appreciate it.”
“Appreciate what?’
“All of it. You.”
The darkness around them stretched, blending with the silent calm like a mutual Synaesthesia. It could have turned uncomfortably maudlin after a night of confidences, but Leonard had an easy cure for that.
“Girl.”
“Grump.”
“Infant.”
“Geriatric.”
“A geriatric who needs his beauty sleep. Goodnight.”
Jim shifted once again, pulling at the sheet to cocoon himself. “Yeah. G’nite.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jim took his advice, mostly, though Len had to tell him to take a break more often than not. They developed a routine that worked. If Jim wasn’t off risking his damn neck jumping off of something, or piloting something or hanging off of something, they got together Friday nights to eat, and stayed in to watch holos or play cards (or one embarrassing night, mah jong) with the nurses next door. Saturdays were spent studying, and Saturday nights were for going out. Months later, when Leonard started dating a xenobiologist in his program, he still reserved the Fridays for the kid.
Even so, it was still a few more months before he realized something strange was happening.
His date with Genevieve had ended early, so he went back to his dorm to change, and probably call Jim to see what he was doing. He had just turned the corner into his hallway when he paused. A girl was leaving his room, Jim steering her out with a broad palm in her lumbar area. She turned and smiled, giggled a little, seemed familiar, despite the fact that she was relatively nondescript in a completely unoffensive way.
Jim smiled back, that stupid tomcat smile, and alarm bells went off in Len’s head. He couldn’t believe that people fell for that shit. Campus full of geniuses and most of ‘em dumber than dirt. Jim hadn’t been fucking around much lately, and his smile held too much calculation for Len to be comfortable.
Mrs. Giggles was walking away to the other exit, so Leonard felt it was safe to approach. Jim turned his smile to him as he approached, dimming the wattage and lessening the fuck-me aspect that had colored it. He lost the smile altogether when Leonard leveled him a look that screamed bullshit.
“Hi.”
“Get your ass inside.”
“I didn’t fuck her on your bed. She was here twenty minutes, tops.”
“Damn right. I would have felt bad, having to kill you and all.”
Blessed relief filled the atmosphere. “Then what’s the problem? You know I wouldn’t do that.” Jim gave him the soulful eyes.
“That look doesn’t work on people with kids. And I know you wouldn’t do that. But you are up to something.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Jim tried to look pious for a minute, but his lips started twitching until he could no longer hold in a laugh.
“I’m serious. What are you up to? You’ve been acting a bit strange, but I had assumed it was your workload this far into the semester.”
“Oh, hell. I know. Killing me.”
“But this?” Len raised both brows in question. “That girl ain’t your type. And don’t joke about not having one beyond breathing. You like ‘em leggy and different. That girl was a space faring milkmaid.”
“Maybe I wanted to try something a bit different.”
“Maybe you’re full of it. And weren’t you dating that green whatsis? Orion girl? Computer programming. Thought you were into serial monogamy now.”
Jim turned away and sat in the office chair, looking out the window. Leonard sat on the bed to wait, not pushing, but expectant.
“Fuck. I don’t want to tell you.”
“She’s in programming too, isn’t she? That’s where I recognize her from.”
“Yeah.” Jim crossed his arms and rested his head with an exhale. “I’m an asshole. Yeah, I’ve got something on the burner, but I’m not going to tell you. Full deniability.”
“Nothing to get you kicked out, is it?”
“No.” The word was a little hiccup.
“And the girls?”
“Gaila- she’s just smoking hot. Should be too smart to date me, but she isn’t. Alien pheromones are non-discriminatory . I was dating her before, but she’s the one who inadvertently gave me the idea. Orions don’t even have a word for fidelity, so don’t go there.”
“And the other.”
Jim lifted his head again, looking wretched with guilt. “Jessie- I don’t have an excuse. I am an asshole.”
“You know, this is the same type of thing that Pike accused you of.”
Jim flinched, but didn’t argue the low, but deserving, blow.
“I know the Orion doesn’t make a shit, their hormones are all over the map, but that intern.”
“Jeez. I’ve been telling myself the same shit for a week.”
“I’m not mad at you. I just want you to think about what you’re doing. I don’t care what Pike said. You aren’t like this. And don’t make him think you are.”
“I don’t feel good about it, if that’s what you want to know. I have to do this. I’m already this far.” Jim put his hands out, palms facing leonard, in a placating gesture. “ I’ll start letting her down easy. She already knows it isn’t a long-term thing. I’ll just tell her I’m too busy with classes. I’ll talk to Gaila too.”
“Just- don’t make it a habit. I’m not best friends with that type of sleazebag.”
“I promise.”
“Ok. But you have to make it up to her.”
“How am I going to do that?”
“Aren’t you always bragging about how well you know women?”
“Pfft. Yeah. In bed. It’s not like I’m buying something for her clitoris. Their brains though. They’re wacky and they want crazy things. She has nail polish called Sewer Juice.”
The long pause was telling.
“Shit. I want to argue that, but I’ve got nothing.”
Chapter 6)
eldritchhorrors.livejournal.com/3073.html#cutid1 Chapter 8)
eldritchhorrors.livejournal.com/5453.html#cutid1 I have the best readers. You were all so nice. I am feeling a bit better, and I think you all had something to do with it.