(no subject)
Is it just me or does every one feel like they might be alone forever? Sometimes i get that feeling, i hate it. Even though i am "seeing" someone and all, i feel like he likes other people better. I need that one person in my life who i care most about, more than any one in the world, and who feels the same way about me. Yes, i know that is a lot to ask from someone, but i used to have friends like that and a boyfriend. I must have fucked up somehow cause they all seem to run screaming from me now. The other day i met this girl who was a complete and total schizo. but she was so content and happy with her life. She had friends in her head. Wouldnt that be nice if you could honestly say that you are your own best friend. I wish that i was a schizophrenic, so that i wouldnt have to depend so much on someone else. Sometimes i really wonder if happiness is something that doesnt really exist, no one i know seems to be truly happy with their life. I am not trying to bring my sadness down upon the readers of this, i just need some advice. I either need a good friend, or someone to tell me a way to become self sufficient and independent of other people. Like, a way to be content with who i am and be satisfied knowing that i dont need other people to bring out my inner happiness. I smiled today, and my lips started to bleed... now i am known to take every day occurrences as signs. I have no idea what the hell this one is supposed to mean. I mean smiling must represent happiness, but the blood represents pain and suffering. So this must be a sign to others, that behind the false happiness there is sorrow and despair. Now correct me if i am wrong, cause i am not a dream analyzer or anything, so i am just trying my best to think deeply for a meaning. I dont know, maybe i am just being doubtful, and pessimistic. I dont know... I am gonna go do something productive... sleep, watch tv, cut up magazines something of that matter. any way i hope everyone else's lives are going better than mine. i'm out.