Posty for posty's sake.
I don't really know whether this is LJ-worthy, but at least it's a post. This was an email sent to me and then replied to, and I ended up spending a little more time on it than I think I was expected to.
From: TalksTo, SomeoneDave@APlace
Sent: That one time
To: Humphrey, David@APlace
Subject: Solve this puzzle
Can you solve this puzzle?
You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
[and here the font goes white to match the background, you know how it works]
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *
From: TheDave@okaywhatever
Sent: Eventually
To: ThePerson@thesameplace
Subject: RE: Solve this puzzle
This would be the first merry-go-round I've ever seen that goes clockwise.
And now, for this week's break down, let's examine how Dave's mind handled this one:
"Where the hell am I riding a horse that has ostriches, lions, gazelles, and wild horses? And why are they all crowded together by this drop-off?"
"Okay, how high is the drop-off? Could be a curb. We could ride this horse into traffic, and I'm pretty sure I'd still have the right of way. Of course, if we're in Sacramento, nobody will care."
"Several ostriches being chased by a lion, no problem. We can totally go that way, the lion is fixated on the hunt. The horse can outrun the $hit out of that lion and those ostriches. I cross right over, no problem."
"Gazelles aren't a problem. They're not dangerous animals, and if they're not going slower than I am, no problem there. Hey, do I have a gun? I could probably go for a gazelle burger right about now, since food helps people cope with stress. No, if I had a gun, this whole scenario probably wouldn't be a problem. Besides, why do I have a gun on a horse? Who am I, the Lone Ranger? I haven't heard of him visiting Narnia, so I'm guessing I'm not him. Besides, if that were the case, I could just toss Tonto over the side and he'd save the day somehow."
"Behind me is a stampede of horses, but horses aren't stupid. If I start slowing down, they're not going to try to ram their heads into the back of my horse, they're going to go around. Besides, it's another horse, he'll be alright with them. It's not like I'm riding a glue factory owner. Let's take the carrot out of Mr. Ed's butt, pull him over, and get rational about all this. Now I kind of wish I had that gun. Once I gatted that gazelle like Tupac, the stampede of horses would tenderize the crap out of him, so he'd be extra-tasty, and my own horsey could find out what it tastes like to cross over into the carnivorous side of the food chain. Doing that will get him a little extra-aggressive and increase his protein intake, which will be helpful in avoiding crazy situations like this again. Can't shoot that lion, though, that's poaching, and I'm not sure this hypothetical gun is even registered. They'd send me to prison, where a few horses, gazelles, lions, and ostriches will be the least of my worries. There's less than a twenty percent chance of being anally violated with any of those (except maybe the lion, who will probably want to show you who's boss before he eats you)."
"Come to think of it, do we get cell service where I am? Animal control would be really interested in hearing about this one. While we're at it, let's see who else we could call, because this would make one hell of a youtube video. 'Moron on a horse gets pwnd by the Department of Fish and Game for using an unlicensed hypothetical gun.' I could see that getting at least a million views."
From: TalksTo, SomeoneDave@APlace
Sent: That one time
To: Humphrey, David@APlace
Subject: Solve this puzzle
Can you solve this puzzle?
You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
[and here the font goes white to match the background, you know how it works]
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *
From: TheDave@okaywhatever
Sent: Eventually
To: ThePerson@thesameplace
Subject: RE: Solve this puzzle
This would be the first merry-go-round I've ever seen that goes clockwise.
And now, for this week's break down, let's examine how Dave's mind handled this one:
"Where the hell am I riding a horse that has ostriches, lions, gazelles, and wild horses? And why are they all crowded together by this drop-off?"
"Okay, how high is the drop-off? Could be a curb. We could ride this horse into traffic, and I'm pretty sure I'd still have the right of way. Of course, if we're in Sacramento, nobody will care."
"Several ostriches being chased by a lion, no problem. We can totally go that way, the lion is fixated on the hunt. The horse can outrun the $hit out of that lion and those ostriches. I cross right over, no problem."
"Gazelles aren't a problem. They're not dangerous animals, and if they're not going slower than I am, no problem there. Hey, do I have a gun? I could probably go for a gazelle burger right about now, since food helps people cope with stress. No, if I had a gun, this whole scenario probably wouldn't be a problem. Besides, why do I have a gun on a horse? Who am I, the Lone Ranger? I haven't heard of him visiting Narnia, so I'm guessing I'm not him. Besides, if that were the case, I could just toss Tonto over the side and he'd save the day somehow."
"Behind me is a stampede of horses, but horses aren't stupid. If I start slowing down, they're not going to try to ram their heads into the back of my horse, they're going to go around. Besides, it's another horse, he'll be alright with them. It's not like I'm riding a glue factory owner. Let's take the carrot out of Mr. Ed's butt, pull him over, and get rational about all this. Now I kind of wish I had that gun. Once I gatted that gazelle like Tupac, the stampede of horses would tenderize the crap out of him, so he'd be extra-tasty, and my own horsey could find out what it tastes like to cross over into the carnivorous side of the food chain. Doing that will get him a little extra-aggressive and increase his protein intake, which will be helpful in avoiding crazy situations like this again. Can't shoot that lion, though, that's poaching, and I'm not sure this hypothetical gun is even registered. They'd send me to prison, where a few horses, gazelles, lions, and ostriches will be the least of my worries. There's less than a twenty percent chance of being anally violated with any of those (except maybe the lion, who will probably want to show you who's boss before he eats you)."
"Come to think of it, do we get cell service where I am? Animal control would be really interested in hearing about this one. While we're at it, let's see who else we could call, because this would make one hell of a youtube video. 'Moron on a horse gets pwnd by the Department of Fish and Game for using an unlicensed hypothetical gun.' I could see that getting at least a million views."