MARCHING UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE!
For some idiotic reason, Melinda and I went and signed up for the 100 Miles of Nowhere. This involved donating about $100 for cancer research, and promising to ride 100 miles without going anywhere, in exchange for a load of schwag most of which we don't want. We're both sorry, but we believe in keeping our promises, so this Sunday we're going to ride this awesomely pointless route 200 times in a row.
If you would like to join us, or do any of the following slightly less ridiculous activities, you are very welcome to:
Imagine: you’re going to get to liberally apply the same stuff to your chamois that Dave Zabriskie does. It’s like a dream come true.
And then you should feel perfectly at easy making “taint” jokes for the next several hours.
It’s your right as a consumer of DZ Nuts.
CarboRocket : It’s kind of awesome having one of your best friends be a wild-eyed inventor and entrepreneur. It’s even more awesome when one of his ideas turns out to be really great. My friend Brad is this inventor, and CarboRocket is - without question - the best sports drink in the universe. As a participant in the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you’ll get to try it out for yourself and see if you agree. I kinda think you will.
You’ll get two single-serving packets of this all-natural, mild-tasting sports drink. And then you’ll wish you had more.
Banjo Brothers Mini Seat Bag: You know who the first advertiser I ever had was? You know who the first company that ever did giveaways with me was? In both cases, it was Banjo Brothers, a small company making great bags for cyclists. I have this Mini Seat Bag on every single bike I own - both road and mountain. [Note: unlike the rest, this one actually looks like a good idea. We just already have seat bags]
You can fit a tube, a couple CO2 cartridges and adapter, a tire lever, and a small bike tool in there. And a couple of bills, in case you want to stop at a convenience store. It’s honestly about as perfect of an unobtrusive bike bag as there could be, by a couple of guys who ride bikes and know what cyclists need.
Aspire : You’ll get an autographed copy of Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words , written by Friend of Fatty Kevin Hall, and published by Harper-Collins.
Follow Kevin’s voyage of learning some words you probably don’t know, along with the deeper meaning of some words maybe you thought you knew.
This is a book I think you’ll want to share. And also, you may want to spend a few minutes thinking about the fact that poor Kevin’s going to have to autograph 500 books.
Which cracks me up, for some reason. [Note: this might conceivably be worth reading, but we don't need two copies do we?]
Timex: A cap, to hide your helmet hair after the ride. And also to fool people into assuming that maybe you’ve done an Ironman or something. For once, let people’s false assumptions work in your favor.
“100% Clean” Garmin-Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottle : I have re-purposed all of my old bottles because I love the new Camelbak Podium Bottles so much. And while I normally ask you to buy one with my logo on it, if you’re doing the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you get a Garmin-Slipstream one for free.
If you would like to join us, or do any of the following slightly less ridiculous activities, you are very welcome to:
- Point and laugh
- Take photos, the stupider the better
- Point and laugh
- Film us, very serious sporting documentary style
- Point and laugh
- Hang on to our food and water for a bit so we can not carry it all the time
- Point and laugh
Imagine: you’re going to get to liberally apply the same stuff to your chamois that Dave Zabriskie does. It’s like a dream come true.
And then you should feel perfectly at easy making “taint” jokes for the next several hours.
It’s your right as a consumer of DZ Nuts.
CarboRocket : It’s kind of awesome having one of your best friends be a wild-eyed inventor and entrepreneur. It’s even more awesome when one of his ideas turns out to be really great. My friend Brad is this inventor, and CarboRocket is - without question - the best sports drink in the universe. As a participant in the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you’ll get to try it out for yourself and see if you agree. I kinda think you will.
You’ll get two single-serving packets of this all-natural, mild-tasting sports drink. And then you’ll wish you had more.
Banjo Brothers Mini Seat Bag: You know who the first advertiser I ever had was? You know who the first company that ever did giveaways with me was? In both cases, it was Banjo Brothers, a small company making great bags for cyclists. I have this Mini Seat Bag on every single bike I own - both road and mountain. [Note: unlike the rest, this one actually looks like a good idea. We just already have seat bags]
You can fit a tube, a couple CO2 cartridges and adapter, a tire lever, and a small bike tool in there. And a couple of bills, in case you want to stop at a convenience store. It’s honestly about as perfect of an unobtrusive bike bag as there could be, by a couple of guys who ride bikes and know what cyclists need.
Aspire : You’ll get an autographed copy of Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words , written by Friend of Fatty Kevin Hall, and published by Harper-Collins.
Follow Kevin’s voyage of learning some words you probably don’t know, along with the deeper meaning of some words maybe you thought you knew.
This is a book I think you’ll want to share. And also, you may want to spend a few minutes thinking about the fact that poor Kevin’s going to have to autograph 500 books.
Which cracks me up, for some reason. [Note: this might conceivably be worth reading, but we don't need two copies do we?]
Timex: A cap, to hide your helmet hair after the ride. And also to fool people into assuming that maybe you’ve done an Ironman or something. For once, let people’s false assumptions work in your favor.
“100% Clean” Garmin-Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottle : I have re-purposed all of my old bottles because I love the new Camelbak Podium Bottles so much. And while I normally ask you to buy one with my logo on it, if you’re doing the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you get a Garmin-Slipstream one for free.