A livejournal retrospective
My last update was Nov. 15th. The last time I read anyone's livejournal was at least a month ago.
And I am glad I haven't done either of those things for a while. Livejournal tells you a lot about people in an area you don't always get to see. It can make you better understand someone or it can make them more confused in your head. The scarey thing is that people can get to understand you and not like you. That is hard to deal with.
Most people seem far more open on livejournal then they would be in life. That was one of the reasons I've stopped using it. It is easy to let your journal become a psuedo friend, a fill in for the role(s) a true friend(s) would fill in your life. That was the main role it filled for me. So I moved to a blog from lj as an intermediate step and then I moved away from that as well. But now that I feel lonely again and lacking that person or people in my life to fill LJ's role I can feel myself being pulled back into it.
Not letting LJ fill it's 'role' in my life was hard, but it made me learn a lot about me and it made me examine the real relationships I have in my life. I don't feel close to many people in my life and I don't feel able to go to them with problems. Moreover, now there are people I thought I could go to who don't want me to, who only care about their own activities and social lives. There are other people who I thought I could rely on who are only there when it is ok for them, which is almost never. The rest of the time they need me to be there for them or they are just bitchy to everyone. I realize that when I date my s.o. takes on the role of LJ and it's part of the reason why I like to have someone so much. But in between people I feel like I do now: used and abandoned. And if I date someone who ends up being very bad to me, like the most recent example, it is only me to deal with it. A part of me is drawn to LJ for the support it can offer. But the rest of me realizes that this is a passive and often manipulative way to deal with issues. It is a forum for pity and whining. Some people actually use it for updates on their life, but the vast majority of the people I know do not. Most of the people I know discuss how they feel like they don't know or don't show who they really are. Sad to say, but LJ isn't going to help much. LJ is just another performance with entries carefully edited so as to insinuate enough, but to allow room to deny. Posting the 'wrong thing' in YOUR journal can lead to comments and anger as if this is the Op-Ed page of teh NY Times.
Despite all this, I think LJ can serve an important role at certain times in life. I think that role is different for everyone. But most importantly, I think that role does not and should not go on forever. Livejournal is not an adequate substitute for real human interaction. Sure, it doesn't take as much work or risk as much pain, but it also has little to no benefit. My little foray into LJ world tonight has made me realize that I have grown out of it to a large extent. Yet, not enough to keep me from waxing on about that in my own livejournal. Some habits die hard I guess.
And I am glad I haven't done either of those things for a while. Livejournal tells you a lot about people in an area you don't always get to see. It can make you better understand someone or it can make them more confused in your head. The scarey thing is that people can get to understand you and not like you. That is hard to deal with.
Most people seem far more open on livejournal then they would be in life. That was one of the reasons I've stopped using it. It is easy to let your journal become a psuedo friend, a fill in for the role(s) a true friend(s) would fill in your life. That was the main role it filled for me. So I moved to a blog from lj as an intermediate step and then I moved away from that as well. But now that I feel lonely again and lacking that person or people in my life to fill LJ's role I can feel myself being pulled back into it.
Not letting LJ fill it's 'role' in my life was hard, but it made me learn a lot about me and it made me examine the real relationships I have in my life. I don't feel close to many people in my life and I don't feel able to go to them with problems. Moreover, now there are people I thought I could go to who don't want me to, who only care about their own activities and social lives. There are other people who I thought I could rely on who are only there when it is ok for them, which is almost never. The rest of the time they need me to be there for them or they are just bitchy to everyone. I realize that when I date my s.o. takes on the role of LJ and it's part of the reason why I like to have someone so much. But in between people I feel like I do now: used and abandoned. And if I date someone who ends up being very bad to me, like the most recent example, it is only me to deal with it. A part of me is drawn to LJ for the support it can offer. But the rest of me realizes that this is a passive and often manipulative way to deal with issues. It is a forum for pity and whining. Some people actually use it for updates on their life, but the vast majority of the people I know do not. Most of the people I know discuss how they feel like they don't know or don't show who they really are. Sad to say, but LJ isn't going to help much. LJ is just another performance with entries carefully edited so as to insinuate enough, but to allow room to deny. Posting the 'wrong thing' in YOUR journal can lead to comments and anger as if this is the Op-Ed page of teh NY Times.
Despite all this, I think LJ can serve an important role at certain times in life. I think that role is different for everyone. But most importantly, I think that role does not and should not go on forever. Livejournal is not an adequate substitute for real human interaction. Sure, it doesn't take as much work or risk as much pain, but it also has little to no benefit. My little foray into LJ world tonight has made me realize that I have grown out of it to a large extent. Yet, not enough to keep me from waxing on about that in my own livejournal. Some habits die hard I guess.