(no subject)
I have never felt the need to break out of my skin more then I do right now. I trust my instict in people and I don't like it when I can't act on that instinct. I'm tired of all these fake relationships, being nice to people I was never overly excited to meet and not getting to be around the people I consider myself blessed to know. That's how I want to live my life, with the people that make it worth living all around me. I feel like that in Rogers with all my great friends. And I felt like that a lot last weekend when I got to spend time with Joel, the Jons and company. I'm so frustrated. I'm only 19 years old and I feel trapped already. I am more my Father's daughter then I care to admit.
I'm sitting in the pool in Diane's room. Her radio is on, playing annoying country songs. Love song, broken heart song, lost love song, love song.... oye. I should be working on my work or my resume or my personal statement. Instead I must admit that I am wallowing a bit. I am finally happy with me and all I'm doing. I don't feel like only focusing on myself anymore. I would prefer having someone else focus on me and get to focus on them. I don't understand why I have so much trouble finding someone that I actually would like to date. I've realized that my main requirement is the ability fit in with me and my friends, which, if you know my friends at all, leaves a lot of space. Nevermind that everytime I like someone they don't like me back. Damn life. I'm only 19 right? I have tons of time.... too bad that doesnt help.
I'm sitting in the pool in Diane's room. Her radio is on, playing annoying country songs. Love song, broken heart song, lost love song, love song.... oye. I should be working on my work or my resume or my personal statement. Instead I must admit that I am wallowing a bit. I am finally happy with me and all I'm doing. I don't feel like only focusing on myself anymore. I would prefer having someone else focus on me and get to focus on them. I don't understand why I have so much trouble finding someone that I actually would like to date. I've realized that my main requirement is the ability fit in with me and my friends, which, if you know my friends at all, leaves a lot of space. Nevermind that everytime I like someone they don't like me back. Damn life. I'm only 19 right? I have tons of time.... too bad that doesnt help.