Stepping forward/stepping backward
I'm making some progress. I acutally made it all the way to Pacific on Friday, before having to turn back and go home. It's not as good as actually going to school, but at this point it feels like a victory. I made it downtown again this afternoon, and spent about an hour out of the house, at the library. I got a big pile of books, and though I managed to drop them on the floor, that was due to my natural lack of grace and not my weakness.
It's funny, though. I was thinking about it at the library, how I try so hard not to show pain, weakness, etc. I strolled about the library as nonchalently as I could, feeling pretty secure that as no one knew me, they wouldn't know that I'm not always white as a sheet and lethargic in my movements, and that no one was paying enough attention to me to realize that I was sitting down at a reading table or computer station every five steps.
I don't know what the reason for this is, but I suspect that it is a biological defense mechanism. Don't show yourself to be less strong than the rest of the herd, or else the wolves will go for you first.
For all these steps forward, however, I've had to retrench some. I didn't take the SAT this morning. The only chance that I have left to take the SAT before the fall in June 7th. I have to get better. I mean, I've already had to cancel taking the SAT in March and May, both times because I was too sick.
And having gone out today has taken its toll, too. I'm beginning to wonder if the radiologist looked at the wrong X-rays, last week. I mean, the inhaler does nothing, and I've started to cough up mucus today, which is not a normal symptom of asthema, is it?
Still, I tell myself that the most important thing is that I've alive.
Also, have any of you seen the trailer for the new Brideshead Revisited? I was expecting it to be horrible and a complete bastardization of the story, but it actually looks really, really great. Even if it's not a good verson of Brideshead Revisited, it looks as if it will be a good movie.
Edit: I told my mom about the switched X-ray theory, and she was scornful. She suggests that I just have bronchitis. Which would actually be better than asthema in that it would eventually go away, I guess.
It's funny, though. I was thinking about it at the library, how I try so hard not to show pain, weakness, etc. I strolled about the library as nonchalently as I could, feeling pretty secure that as no one knew me, they wouldn't know that I'm not always white as a sheet and lethargic in my movements, and that no one was paying enough attention to me to realize that I was sitting down at a reading table or computer station every five steps.
I don't know what the reason for this is, but I suspect that it is a biological defense mechanism. Don't show yourself to be less strong than the rest of the herd, or else the wolves will go for you first.
For all these steps forward, however, I've had to retrench some. I didn't take the SAT this morning. The only chance that I have left to take the SAT before the fall in June 7th. I have to get better. I mean, I've already had to cancel taking the SAT in March and May, both times because I was too sick.
And having gone out today has taken its toll, too. I'm beginning to wonder if the radiologist looked at the wrong X-rays, last week. I mean, the inhaler does nothing, and I've started to cough up mucus today, which is not a normal symptom of asthema, is it?
Still, I tell myself that the most important thing is that I've alive.
Also, have any of you seen the trailer for the new Brideshead Revisited? I was expecting it to be horrible and a complete bastardization of the story, but it actually looks really, really great. Even if it's not a good verson of Brideshead Revisited, it looks as if it will be a good movie.
Edit: I told my mom about the switched X-ray theory, and she was scornful. She suggests that I just have bronchitis. Which would actually be better than asthema in that it would eventually go away, I guess.