Back on this Couch
Wierd. I just looked up at the clock to see what time it is... 9:11.
Anyway, I'm sitting here in apt 1D on 13th St, waiting, biding my time. Seeing if any of the girls will come back so I can chat and catch up with them. I've been an awful friend to them(they aren't the only ones) and I have a lot of catching up and making up to do.
So much has happened. I don't even know what's going on, where this whole rollercoaster existence of Post-Graduation is leading...
BUT:
-I passed my test today at Dos Caminos. So I will be on the schedule starting Monday and am trying to pick up shifts for the weekend. It will be fucking exciting to finally be making money and start to feel like I belong there instead of following everyone around like a fucking pansy of a shadow. I'll finally have my own section, my own tables, my own fuck-ups, and my own money. The place is swank. I don't know if any of ya'll have ever been there, but it's a nicer restaurant than I ever frequent. The other night Sarah Chalke - second Becky from Roseanne and Scrubs - came in... Gorgeous, stunningingly beautiful woman. The kids that work there are hugely friendly, and I'm looking forward to a summer-plus there. It's gonna be fun.
-I moved into the new abode in Brooklyn. It's gorgeous. Much too large for Megan and I, so if anyone knows someone that is looking for a place/sublet, we have an extra bedroom. The inside is phenomenal - well after Blobbers and I spent hours and hours cleaning. I've never seen so much dust and dirt and grime in my life. I don't even understand where it all comes from. What were they doing in that apartment? But it's great, minus the lack of a bed. The commute's not awful. Comparable semi to the Heights. Access is quicker to downtown... .going uptown is a bit of a trek... especially to the Heights.
-The Heights. Wow. What a fucking rollercoaster those two months were and continue to be. Jamaal is back, and things are good. I guess the hardest part right now, well the second hardest part... well, the third hardest part is figuring out some sort of equilibrium. I mean, we started hooking up/dating, whatever you want to call it, when he was back only for a week and I was still living up there. So I spent every night with him. And then he went away to Alaska. And we talked on the phone every day, getting to know eachother much better and just chatting. It was a long ass week and I couldn't wait til he came back. And he's back, but now I live in Brooklyn and couldn't be further away from the Heights... so it's a trek and a big decision to go up there. I can't just swing by to say hi. So we, or me at least, are trying to figure out the whole balance of a relationship. I mean, I've only been in one and we all know how fucked up, or just drama filled that one was. That invovled just spending as much time together every night all the time. And I would love to go up to the Heights every night. But I don't want to be pushy or clingy or all that jazz. SO I guess it's just gonna take some time before we figure out the new balance.
And to top it all off, that motherfucker Will is creating the biggest drama. I don't even understand it. Jamaal said he and Will had a good talk last night and Will wants me to IM him/call him... And part of me wants to, part of me wants to see what the fuck he has to say, even though I assume it's going to be negative. But I just want him to get it out, so that we can fucking move past it. But at the same time, he's let me know clearly where he stands and how he feels about me, and I don't really want to play any more mind games. He reminds me of someone else in particular. And also of my father. What is it with crazy men that they love to play headgames and control games and all that shit. Who am I to talk? I play my fair share. But I'm trying not too. I'm trying to be better. And I'm not as crazy as he is. He told Jamaal last night that the only reason he and I are together or seeing eachother is because we know it pisses Will off. We know it bugs Will and so that's why we are continuing this. He thinks the only reason I came over Monday night and waited for Jamaal is because I knew it would bug him and I wanted to get under his skin... Does he really think the whole world revolves around him, and I have to spend so much time and energy figuring out ways to bother him? Jesus. I would be glad if he wasn't there. That's a huge reason of why I dread going up there, is because I really don't want to see him. He doesn't make me feel good and it sucks that to see Jamaal, I have to put myself around that.
So who knows if he is going to get over it. Who knows how this is going to turn out. I still don't know the entirety of their conversation... I have a feeling Will said something to the effect that he liked me or had feelings for me or something. Which is funny because I used to have a crush on him as well. But after all this drama, I'm so glad that nothing ever came about from that and that I never made a move. Jamaal is the complete opposite of that. There's no drama with him. He is completely open and upfront and extremely mentally healthy... wait until he gets to know me and I'm sure he'll go running.
So last night we ended up talking on the phone for a good 5 hours. And I fell asleep on the phone with him. I spilled wax all over the floor and worse, my comforter. I like that kid a lot. And I'm excited to see where things are going. I don't know. But its about fucking time that I had a relationship. I think one of the greatest things about him is the safety I feel... safety in general, saftey in things sexual, but more importantly safety when we talk about things. I know I can tell him what I'm feeling, things I'm going through and he'll listen openly and respond honestly. I don't have too many relationships or friendships where that's true. Especially not these days. So it's refreshing and delightful.
So I've blabbed on too much here... I haven't written on LiveJournal in a long time and thought I should post an update... I've kind of moved most of my writings to blogger - I like the privacy... it's different when you are writing online just for yourself or for an audience... so yeah.
Peace to your mother.
Anyway, I'm sitting here in apt 1D on 13th St, waiting, biding my time. Seeing if any of the girls will come back so I can chat and catch up with them. I've been an awful friend to them(they aren't the only ones) and I have a lot of catching up and making up to do.
So much has happened. I don't even know what's going on, where this whole rollercoaster existence of Post-Graduation is leading...
BUT:
-I passed my test today at Dos Caminos. So I will be on the schedule starting Monday and am trying to pick up shifts for the weekend. It will be fucking exciting to finally be making money and start to feel like I belong there instead of following everyone around like a fucking pansy of a shadow. I'll finally have my own section, my own tables, my own fuck-ups, and my own money. The place is swank. I don't know if any of ya'll have ever been there, but it's a nicer restaurant than I ever frequent. The other night Sarah Chalke - second Becky from Roseanne and Scrubs - came in... Gorgeous, stunningingly beautiful woman. The kids that work there are hugely friendly, and I'm looking forward to a summer-plus there. It's gonna be fun.
-I moved into the new abode in Brooklyn. It's gorgeous. Much too large for Megan and I, so if anyone knows someone that is looking for a place/sublet, we have an extra bedroom. The inside is phenomenal - well after Blobbers and I spent hours and hours cleaning. I've never seen so much dust and dirt and grime in my life. I don't even understand where it all comes from. What were they doing in that apartment? But it's great, minus the lack of a bed. The commute's not awful. Comparable semi to the Heights. Access is quicker to downtown... .going uptown is a bit of a trek... especially to the Heights.
-The Heights. Wow. What a fucking rollercoaster those two months were and continue to be. Jamaal is back, and things are good. I guess the hardest part right now, well the second hardest part... well, the third hardest part is figuring out some sort of equilibrium. I mean, we started hooking up/dating, whatever you want to call it, when he was back only for a week and I was still living up there. So I spent every night with him. And then he went away to Alaska. And we talked on the phone every day, getting to know eachother much better and just chatting. It was a long ass week and I couldn't wait til he came back. And he's back, but now I live in Brooklyn and couldn't be further away from the Heights... so it's a trek and a big decision to go up there. I can't just swing by to say hi. So we, or me at least, are trying to figure out the whole balance of a relationship. I mean, I've only been in one and we all know how fucked up, or just drama filled that one was. That invovled just spending as much time together every night all the time. And I would love to go up to the Heights every night. But I don't want to be pushy or clingy or all that jazz. SO I guess it's just gonna take some time before we figure out the new balance.
And to top it all off, that motherfucker Will is creating the biggest drama. I don't even understand it. Jamaal said he and Will had a good talk last night and Will wants me to IM him/call him... And part of me wants to, part of me wants to see what the fuck he has to say, even though I assume it's going to be negative. But I just want him to get it out, so that we can fucking move past it. But at the same time, he's let me know clearly where he stands and how he feels about me, and I don't really want to play any more mind games. He reminds me of someone else in particular. And also of my father. What is it with crazy men that they love to play headgames and control games and all that shit. Who am I to talk? I play my fair share. But I'm trying not too. I'm trying to be better. And I'm not as crazy as he is. He told Jamaal last night that the only reason he and I are together or seeing eachother is because we know it pisses Will off. We know it bugs Will and so that's why we are continuing this. He thinks the only reason I came over Monday night and waited for Jamaal is because I knew it would bug him and I wanted to get under his skin... Does he really think the whole world revolves around him, and I have to spend so much time and energy figuring out ways to bother him? Jesus. I would be glad if he wasn't there. That's a huge reason of why I dread going up there, is because I really don't want to see him. He doesn't make me feel good and it sucks that to see Jamaal, I have to put myself around that.
So who knows if he is going to get over it. Who knows how this is going to turn out. I still don't know the entirety of their conversation... I have a feeling Will said something to the effect that he liked me or had feelings for me or something. Which is funny because I used to have a crush on him as well. But after all this drama, I'm so glad that nothing ever came about from that and that I never made a move. Jamaal is the complete opposite of that. There's no drama with him. He is completely open and upfront and extremely mentally healthy... wait until he gets to know me and I'm sure he'll go running.
So last night we ended up talking on the phone for a good 5 hours. And I fell asleep on the phone with him. I spilled wax all over the floor and worse, my comforter. I like that kid a lot. And I'm excited to see where things are going. I don't know. But its about fucking time that I had a relationship. I think one of the greatest things about him is the safety I feel... safety in general, saftey in things sexual, but more importantly safety when we talk about things. I know I can tell him what I'm feeling, things I'm going through and he'll listen openly and respond honestly. I don't have too many relationships or friendships where that's true. Especially not these days. So it's refreshing and delightful.
So I've blabbed on too much here... I haven't written on LiveJournal in a long time and thought I should post an update... I've kind of moved most of my writings to blogger - I like the privacy... it's different when you are writing online just for yourself or for an audience... so yeah.
Peace to your mother.