sarah is fuckin awesome...
i was talkin to my friend sarah form cali about school and i was like man.. i need to write a story for english tonight but i cant fuckin think adn she was like let me write it for ou... i was like sure why not... well this is her creation... its the funniest shit ever....
The Life of Humberto
I was in the park one day enjoying my daily walk when all of a sudden a large acorn fell in front of my feet. I looked up, and saw the branches move as if something was running across the trees, dodging my looks. I thought for a minute, of what HORRIBLE thing would want to throw an acorn at me..but it passed my mind and I began to think of tea and crumpets I would later have, for lunch. Suddenly the creature jumped from the tops of the trees right in front of me. I wanted cheesecake.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm God" It answered, then it began to twitching uncontrollably...I was confused, what was this monster doing. "If you please," I began.."I am on my daily walk, and I must get home in time for tea and crumpets in the main hall with my second cousin Milfred Cubicle," The animal looked upset.
"Are you frightened by my growth?" pointing to the back of his lobe He sighed, "if you will...you may examine it," (I didn't want to look at it, but I felt sorry for the animal so I agreed to his request) I walked up to it, and looked behind it's eaR, to my horror, I spotted a smiling tumor looking thing, it had teeth...I didn't know why it had teeth, how could something like this have teeth!? Anyway...I smiled at the creature, and said "That is a lovely growth Sir, Now please I must go on my way!" I was afraid..I was afraid of this monster, it's growth glaring at me...I will most defiantly have night terrors for the rest of my life. The creature started to laugh..as if he were a mad man.
"I forgot to tell you..I am God!!" He screamed out, spitting large portions of food onto my face.
"Hmm, well you did indeed already tell me that..." I muttered in an annoyed manor.
"Be my friend, I am a moose," He looked as though he were going to break down and cry.
"Oh..yes, I will indeed be your friend..er.." (Before we go anyfurther, let me explain this hideous monster to you, he looked..like a Dixie cup, with tacks as arms and feet. Oh, I cannot explain the horror I felt).
I picked the little thing up and sat it down on my shoulder it clung onto my ear, yelling some rubbish.
"So..what is your name?" I asked.
"Humberto!!! Is my name! Ketchup's my game!"
"OK...do you hail from Mexico senior Humberto?"
"NO! I hail from...lets get ice cream, chap,"
I agreed, and we went to a local ice cream parlor. We sat at a small table and ate our ice cream, sharing happy memories of one another's life. I did begin to enjoy Mr. Humberto's conversation. He then begin to explain to me, about how he once fell in love with a butcher and how he would help this butcher chop meat up..with a butcher knife. I found this very interesting, but suggested he seek therapy. Once again he started to twitch.
"Did I upset you Humberto?" I asked.
"No, I enjoy your advice, I just had an image if Martians operating on my brain," He begin to cry.
"Oh, but yo don't have a brain,"
"EXCUSE ME! Is that an insult!?" He yelled.
"No ...scientifically you do not have a brain...you're a Dixie cup,"
"I am not...I am not. I am not. I am a Glad cup." he crossed his tack arms, and started mumbling about how he thought the weather is more important then the Bible. I was confused...
"Let us go on the bus, and we will enjoy the scenery!" he said, jumping on my shoulder. we got up and went to the bus stop, once the bus arrived I gave him his own separate seat, thinking he could handle. I sat closes to the window, he was near the isle. I saw my neighbor come by, a large boy indeed, his name was Klondike. Klondike saw me and waved, excited to see me he sat right where humberto was..I heard Humberto crunch and a faint scream. My jaw dropped and I could see Humbertos little tacks sticking out. I pushed Klondike off the seat, and he ran off crying.
"Humberto! humberto!" I yelled.."Please Humberto, do not leave me...I..love you Humberto, you are truly my only friend," I cried out to the squished cup. Humberto did not answer, he lay..lifeless... his little tacks. He still had his painted on smile...I later buried Humberto under a bed of flowers, near McDonalds. Then I went shopping for a new toaster.
The End.
The Life of Humberto
I was in the park one day enjoying my daily walk when all of a sudden a large acorn fell in front of my feet. I looked up, and saw the branches move as if something was running across the trees, dodging my looks. I thought for a minute, of what HORRIBLE thing would want to throw an acorn at me..but it passed my mind and I began to think of tea and crumpets I would later have, for lunch. Suddenly the creature jumped from the tops of the trees right in front of me. I wanted cheesecake.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I'm God" It answered, then it began to twitching uncontrollably...I was confused, what was this monster doing. "If you please," I began.."I am on my daily walk, and I must get home in time for tea and crumpets in the main hall with my second cousin Milfred Cubicle," The animal looked upset.
"Are you frightened by my growth?" pointing to the back of his lobe He sighed, "if you will...you may examine it," (I didn't want to look at it, but I felt sorry for the animal so I agreed to his request) I walked up to it, and looked behind it's eaR, to my horror, I spotted a smiling tumor looking thing, it had teeth...I didn't know why it had teeth, how could something like this have teeth!? Anyway...I smiled at the creature, and said "That is a lovely growth Sir, Now please I must go on my way!" I was afraid..I was afraid of this monster, it's growth glaring at me...I will most defiantly have night terrors for the rest of my life. The creature started to laugh..as if he were a mad man.
"I forgot to tell you..I am God!!" He screamed out, spitting large portions of food onto my face.
"Hmm, well you did indeed already tell me that..." I muttered in an annoyed manor.
"Be my friend, I am a moose," He looked as though he were going to break down and cry.
"Oh..yes, I will indeed be your friend..er.." (Before we go anyfurther, let me explain this hideous monster to you, he looked..like a Dixie cup, with tacks as arms and feet. Oh, I cannot explain the horror I felt).
I picked the little thing up and sat it down on my shoulder it clung onto my ear, yelling some rubbish.
"So..what is your name?" I asked.
"Humberto!!! Is my name! Ketchup's my game!"
"OK...do you hail from Mexico senior Humberto?"
"NO! I hail from...lets get ice cream, chap,"
I agreed, and we went to a local ice cream parlor. We sat at a small table and ate our ice cream, sharing happy memories of one another's life. I did begin to enjoy Mr. Humberto's conversation. He then begin to explain to me, about how he once fell in love with a butcher and how he would help this butcher chop meat up..with a butcher knife. I found this very interesting, but suggested he seek therapy. Once again he started to twitch.
"Did I upset you Humberto?" I asked.
"No, I enjoy your advice, I just had an image if Martians operating on my brain," He begin to cry.
"Oh, but yo don't have a brain,"
"EXCUSE ME! Is that an insult!?" He yelled.
"No ...scientifically you do not have a brain...you're a Dixie cup,"
"I am not...I am not. I am not. I am a Glad cup." he crossed his tack arms, and started mumbling about how he thought the weather is more important then the Bible. I was confused...
"Let us go on the bus, and we will enjoy the scenery!" he said, jumping on my shoulder. we got up and went to the bus stop, once the bus arrived I gave him his own separate seat, thinking he could handle. I sat closes to the window, he was near the isle. I saw my neighbor come by, a large boy indeed, his name was Klondike. Klondike saw me and waved, excited to see me he sat right where humberto was..I heard Humberto crunch and a faint scream. My jaw dropped and I could see Humbertos little tacks sticking out. I pushed Klondike off the seat, and he ran off crying.
"Humberto! humberto!" I yelled.."Please Humberto, do not leave me...I..love you Humberto, you are truly my only friend," I cried out to the squished cup. Humberto did not answer, he lay..lifeless... his little tacks. He still had his painted on smile...I later buried Humberto under a bed of flowers, near McDonalds. Then I went shopping for a new toaster.
The End.