My life as of now...
I've realized something.... I don't want to go to college and I don't think it will make me any happier. I don't think I was meant for it. Personally I wish I could just float from job to job for the rest of my life. I don't like the thought of being stuck in one job for the next fifty or so years. Then the thought of going to college and deciding I don't like what I'm there for or dropping out and all that money wasted. I think I'm just going to go to OIP&T and get a degree in Pharmacy Tech because it'll only take me 9 months and it'll be like a back-up-but-not-really plan.... Yes, I want to be a chef but I don't want to make it a carreer for fear that I will get bored with it. That would be awful because I love to cook. I don't want ruin it. But I don't know what to do, I'm too afraid of disappointing people. I really want to apply for an almost full time work permit. That way I can go in for an English class and government, and then go to work. I'd rather be there anyways...
I wish I could drop out but that would be just stupid because it is my senior year and all. But as soon as I graduate I'm going as far as I can from here. I don't like it here. I don't like the people here. They're getting old and no one seems to care anymore or talk even. One of my best friends is going through some major stuff and I haven't been there let alone known what was going on.... Another one is having relationship problems of which I only know of because of her boyfriend.Life is going downhill and we're not even out of high school yet.
Okay so I'm finding myself annoying... I notice myself mentioning Mitch way too often but I think that's because a lot of things remind me of him. I only spend time with him about five hours a week. But that's not all at once, you know? I spend more than that with everyone else but I don't really talk about them as much, I'm hoping it's just because everyone was there. I don' know... I need to stop. This going to hurt and no one's going to be there to save me. I only have a month of him left. I feel like I'm wasting it and yet... I want it to be over with so I can live without worrying about it.
This is a very sad entry but that's how life has been recently. I'm emotionally drained. I'm just so tired.