you didnt, i'm Sam.
first off, let me apologies for not updating in a while and for not being on AIM more, i just dont have the energy right now to be everyone's advisor. it seems that sometimes when i try to help it turns to crap and i dont know if i want that on my conscience. its hard to do the right thing, but i'm trying, guys. this week has been just really bad with a few hints of happiness here and there. infact i had this whole entry written out in my head about how easily i get depressed and two seconds later the entry changed to how easy it is to make me happy, and thats what i'm trying to understand -- what makes me happy? ok... rephrase, what makes me happy that i can actually CONTROL! i know what would me make me the happiest boy in Denton at this very second, but i have to focus on the little things so i'll try and make a list:
1.) finishing my homework - lol, bet you thought #1 would have to do with Chinese prostitutes!
2.) cleaning my room
3.) finishing my LJ theme
4.) making a new 'happy' playlist on itunes, my 'depression' playlist is a bit depressing... actually i'm gonna do this one now!... done!
5.) getting rid of our cat...
6.) helping someone (i'll save this one for when i have the energy)
7.) watch 'Lost" - doing that as we speak
8.) go to the gym
9.) lunch
ok, thats a good start! on to other business:
on saturday i went my friend's house warming party and it kinda sucked. not that the party was bad, i just wasnt in a party mood cuz when i'm in party-mode i have to 'turn it on', thats the best way i can explain it, some people call it "charm" or "personality" but i had no one to impress there so i didnt try to be funny or whatever. instead i sat out on the balcony with one of my bosses, Billy, and with him i had a great time. Billy is 27 years old, married and has a kid on the way, so any girl trouble i'm going through he's already been there. it was nice to sit there and talk to someone who could identify with my situation. i mean, yeah, i get advice all the time from people i love and trust but it was slightly different with Billy because hes made it to the next level. example: Mario 3... remember when you couldnt beat it? i do! alright, go back in time now... back to when you were stuck in the second world. youre sitting there, playing with some kids from the neighborhood and of course everyone has an opinion, "jump on the gumba!" "no, dont go in the water!" but of course all any of the kids can do is guess because its not like they've even been past this stage or that stage. then... the unthinkable happens... the cool 14 year old from down the street pushes open the front door, kicks you to the side, takes the controller and makes that super nintendo his bitch. so here i am, playing this game of love. i'm stuck in world two while Billy is pushing past level five so of course i'm going to take his advice seriously. the strange thing is that this game never ends. i look at him and i know that my troubles are no longer his, but with marriage comes an avalanche of new dangers and adventures and terrors and pleasures, and i'm in no hurry to get there! i'm having enough trouble trying to figure out my life NOW! lol, i think life will be ok, but only one step at a time.
1.) finishing my homework - lol, bet you thought #1 would have to do with Chinese prostitutes!
2.) cleaning my room
3.) finishing my LJ theme
4.) making a new 'happy' playlist on itunes, my 'depression' playlist is a bit depressing... actually i'm gonna do this one now!... done!
5.) getting rid of our cat...
6.) helping someone (i'll save this one for when i have the energy)
7.) watch 'Lost" - doing that as we speak
8.) go to the gym
9.) lunch
ok, thats a good start! on to other business:
on saturday i went my friend's house warming party and it kinda sucked. not that the party was bad, i just wasnt in a party mood cuz when i'm in party-mode i have to 'turn it on', thats the best way i can explain it, some people call it "charm" or "personality" but i had no one to impress there so i didnt try to be funny or whatever. instead i sat out on the balcony with one of my bosses, Billy, and with him i had a great time. Billy is 27 years old, married and has a kid on the way, so any girl trouble i'm going through he's already been there. it was nice to sit there and talk to someone who could identify with my situation. i mean, yeah, i get advice all the time from people i love and trust but it was slightly different with Billy because hes made it to the next level. example: Mario 3... remember when you couldnt beat it? i do! alright, go back in time now... back to when you were stuck in the second world. youre sitting there, playing with some kids from the neighborhood and of course everyone has an opinion, "jump on the gumba!" "no, dont go in the water!" but of course all any of the kids can do is guess because its not like they've even been past this stage or that stage. then... the unthinkable happens... the cool 14 year old from down the street pushes open the front door, kicks you to the side, takes the controller and makes that super nintendo his bitch. so here i am, playing this game of love. i'm stuck in world two while Billy is pushing past level five so of course i'm going to take his advice seriously. the strange thing is that this game never ends. i look at him and i know that my troubles are no longer his, but with marriage comes an avalanche of new dangers and adventures and terrors and pleasures, and i'm in no hurry to get there! i'm having enough trouble trying to figure out my life NOW! lol, i think life will be ok, but only one step at a time.